Policemen generally like me, but at 5 am no one likes me . . . heck I don’t even like me. In case you can’t tell I am not much of a morning person. I am not even much a mid-day person! But at 5 in the morning, I am far grumpier than usual, so this morning when a policeman pulls me over on a deserted stretch of highway and tells me that I have to pay a 2000 denar fine ($43.95 at today’s exchange) for doing 45 in a 37.5 zone . . . I was not too pleased by that news, plus I had a passenger in the car that I was taking to the airport (why else would I be up at that hour?!).
I told him “no way” (which is what you are supposed to tell policemen here), and then he took my license and car papers and told me that I was going to have to go to the police station and pay the fine. I would have gone with him under normal circumstances, but the passenger in the car has gotta get to the airport! “We have to go pay it right now“ he says to me, ”because I get off my shift at 6:00.“ That is when the alarm bells should have started going off in my head, but not only am I generally grumpy at 5:14 in the morning, I am also mentally befuddled. All I knew was that I had to get Mark to the airport in time to catch his flight. So I wave my arms in the general Macedonian ”I am so freaking frustrated with you“ fashion and get back in my car. That got both policemen involved and they said, ”get back out of the car!“ and were flashing their flashlights at me.
And so I asked him, ”what do you want now? I gotta get to the airport! Tell me where the police station is and I will return after my airport trip and pay the fine and get my documents back.“ He just stares at me . . . and then finally hands me my documents back and told me to slow down. This was so strange, my mind should have really started humming . . . but like I have already said, my thought processes form about as fast as cheese at 5:14 am.
It was only when I was back in the car, and starting to drive away that I realized the whole thing was a shakedown, priming me for a bribe. Just offer the nice policeman half as much as the actual ticket would normally be, and then you are back on your merry way. Of course at that hour, he is lucky I did not just climb into the back of his cruiser and go to sleep. In the hours before the earth turns to that magical point where the sun appears, I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. On the other hand, there is something to be said for early morning mental density . . . my passenger got to the airport in time, I got my documents back, and didn’t even pay a denar. God clearly is looking out for the simple.
I told him “no way” (which is what you are supposed to tell policemen here), and then he took my license and car papers and told me that I was going to have to go to the police station and pay the fine. I would have gone with him under normal circumstances, but the passenger in the car has gotta get to the airport! “We have to go pay it right now“ he says to me, ”because I get off my shift at 6:00.“ That is when the alarm bells should have started going off in my head, but not only am I generally grumpy at 5:14 in the morning, I am also mentally befuddled. All I knew was that I had to get Mark to the airport in time to catch his flight. So I wave my arms in the general Macedonian ”I am so freaking frustrated with you“ fashion and get back in my car. That got both policemen involved and they said, ”get back out of the car!“ and were flashing their flashlights at me.
And so I asked him, ”what do you want now? I gotta get to the airport! Tell me where the police station is and I will return after my airport trip and pay the fine and get my documents back.“ He just stares at me . . . and then finally hands me my documents back and told me to slow down. This was so strange, my mind should have really started humming . . . but like I have already said, my thought processes form about as fast as cheese at 5:14 am.
It was only when I was back in the car, and starting to drive away that I realized the whole thing was a shakedown, priming me for a bribe. Just offer the nice policeman half as much as the actual ticket would normally be, and then you are back on your merry way. Of course at that hour, he is lucky I did not just climb into the back of his cruiser and go to sleep. In the hours before the earth turns to that magical point where the sun appears, I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. On the other hand, there is something to be said for early morning mental density . . . my passenger got to the airport in time, I got my documents back, and didn’t even pay a denar. God clearly is looking out for the simple.
4 comments:
You're right, David - you really are a great storyteller.
Gotta love livin' in the Balkans. If it were me, I probably would have cried and paid the 2k (that's assuming I had that much on me).
Yeah, the things the ministry manuals don't teach...I'm involved in prison ministry, and usually go in with a partner, but one morning she was late. So, good person that I am, I go inside by myself and start setting up for our ladies' 12 step. While walking back and forth between two rooms to get chairs, etc., a guard steps right in front of me and says "S'up?" I said "hi" and kept working. Next pass in the hall he blocks my way, "S'up?" Without losing a beat I stepped right around him and kept going. Later my legs were shaking and thankfully about that time my partner came in.
I remember having a similar incident (but I wasn't driving) when I was in Poland. I was a naive college student and was shocked when the lady driving me to visit my family there handed the policeman cash. When she explained how things worked I was flabberghasted that it would work that way. Talk about culture shock.
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