the pain of kids and life

Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids. But I have to admit that I generally can't abide anyone else's. I don’t hate other people's kids, its more that I just don't like other people's kids. Of course now that I am writing this, I can think of a few exceptions, but I won't tell you which kids those happen to be because all the other parents will get really upset with me.

But those other kids, the one's that I don't like, can't cause me any significant pain. They can irritate me to the point where I would like to assist their parents in getting rid of them, but they can't hurt me. There are moments I would like to throw them off the balcony, but they don't mean the same to me as my own kids do. Sorry if this bothers you. From now on you know that when I am nice to your kid, it's generally work for me, and you know for certain that I am not a nice person.

But having my own kids is painful. Not because they are not perfect, because they certainly were never meant to be perfect. They cause me great pain not because they physically abuse me, they can't. They cause me pain in two ways; when they aren't here which is practically all the time between boarding school and college, and when they make poor choices that rob them of some potential good that is within their grasp. Usually that takes the form of disobedience -- of me, or some other authority. I can't believe how much it hurts sometimes.

Then I find myself sitting in my office thinking, "Why am I here, and my children are in Germany or the States?" What is there here that warrants this level of pain? Well to continue in this vein of honesty . . . . . . . not much some days. It makes for some pretty sad days. But once in a while, you see that you are making a difference in the world and in some people’s lives and it feels like it is worth it.

I imagine that we will find out the true value of our decisions when we stand before Christ . . . but some days it certainly does not feel like the sacrifices of life are worth the pain. But I have a sneaky suspicion that what causes me pain with my own kids, causes God pain with me: when I am not with Him (in spirit and in action) and when I am disobedient. As I sit here today writing messages in Macedonian for a teen camp (yes I see the irony) coming up soon, I am struck by how much pain I cause God, and conversely how much potential joy I can bring Him as well. Ok David, just do it!