Depression lurks in most of the corners of my life. Let’s face it, I can't afford a depression caused by my own negative input. You gotta try to develop your sense of humor or at least see the humor in life wherever you may find it. Yet humor is in short supply many days . . . what do you?
Well there are endless ways of entertaining oneself . . . books, music, movies or the internet. But none of us get paid to watch comedies all day on the comedy channel (which doesn’t make it all the way to Eastern Europe anyways). No we get paid to produce. God is calling us to build and create and have productive lives that are measurable and countable, right? Well that certainly is the current Western Evangelical paradigm . . . but I find people are always interrupting my planned production. They just show up and take up the whole day. They call and talk for an hour without taking a breath or placing an audible period in their diatribe. They email me, they Skype me, they complain that my cell phone is never on (hello!), and in general ruin all my planned production and measurable goals.
So this must mean that I am bad person because I want to produce the stuff that the higher ups say I should be producing, but these people keep getting in the way! In fact it so persistently happens that I am starting to think that my job is more about people than any thing else. Imagine that! And that is what has depression lurking in all the corners of my life. I don’t even like people! They cause all sorts of emotional responses in me that does funny things with my blood pressure. People cause me to break out into hives. You think I jest?
Ask my mother. She will tell you that for most of my growing up years, I had only one profession in mind for when I grew up - to be a hermit. I was (and sometimes still am) fascinated with hermits and hermithood. To be alone . . . sounded magnificent to me . . . like the ultimate escape. In my most honest moments, I think I became a pastor so that I could stay in my office and study . . . by myself! No one every told me that ministry was a people job! I thought it was a theology job. So I have found the humor in this life situation, that he who wished to become a hermit, has a production job that is about people . . . I wonder if that means I am confused? Regardless, morale is high -- go away depression!
Well there are endless ways of entertaining oneself . . . books, music, movies or the internet. But none of us get paid to watch comedies all day on the comedy channel (which doesn’t make it all the way to Eastern Europe anyways). No we get paid to produce. God is calling us to build and create and have productive lives that are measurable and countable, right? Well that certainly is the current Western Evangelical paradigm . . . but I find people are always interrupting my planned production. They just show up and take up the whole day. They call and talk for an hour without taking a breath or placing an audible period in their diatribe. They email me, they Skype me, they complain that my cell phone is never on (hello!), and in general ruin all my planned production and measurable goals.
So this must mean that I am bad person because I want to produce the stuff that the higher ups say I should be producing, but these people keep getting in the way! In fact it so persistently happens that I am starting to think that my job is more about people than any thing else. Imagine that! And that is what has depression lurking in all the corners of my life. I don’t even like people! They cause all sorts of emotional responses in me that does funny things with my blood pressure. People cause me to break out into hives. You think I jest?
Ask my mother. She will tell you that for most of my growing up years, I had only one profession in mind for when I grew up - to be a hermit. I was (and sometimes still am) fascinated with hermits and hermithood. To be alone . . . sounded magnificent to me . . . like the ultimate escape. In my most honest moments, I think I became a pastor so that I could stay in my office and study . . . by myself! No one every told me that ministry was a people job! I thought it was a theology job. So I have found the humor in this life situation, that he who wished to become a hermit, has a production job that is about people . . . I wonder if that means I am confused? Regardless, morale is high -- go away depression!
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