There may be no genre of people more misunderstood than missionary families. How society views us falls sharply on one side of a great triangular divide or another. Complete idiots. That is what the first group thinks of us. I remember when we were first going to Russia, I had a family member threaten to take us to court so that we would not be able to take our three small children to “that pagan land.” Now lest you think my aunt a wicked person who has no understanding of God, mission and eternal destinies, I can truthfully say that I have found her views to be present everywhere -- even in our Alliance churches.
In fact, I recall one of our required field-wide meetings on one of the two fields we have served, where we came together for a few days to meet, relax and make some decisions as a corporate group. We always have a special speaker come. This particular year, our speaker brought his wife. I will never forget what this woman said to us. “How can you people send your children away to school like that!?” It gets my blood rolling again, even after all these years when I think of how painful that statement was. At that time in the CMA, not a single one of us had a choice, our children all automatically went to boarding school. Now do not think this person was new to the CMA and did not understand the situation. She understood. Her husband is on the BOD. Today we have many options for educating MK’s that were not permissible a few years ago. (In fact Phil Skellie has written an excellent article on MK education that just appeared in this quarter’s EMQ)
Another side of this misunderstanding of missionary families are those who see us as heroes. These are the pedestal pushers, who want the missionary to be high and lifted up as an example to all, and they generally get angry when we won’t. These are the folks who think that we are building some generational legacy of faith that will secure us a place on the peaks of spiritual legend-hood, and that no harm will ever come to us or our offspring. According to these well-meaning people, we are not fools nor are we irresponsible, no, we are only giants of faith working on the front-lines of the great cosmic spiritual battle and all our sacrifices will be compensated for by crowns and blessings given to us by God Himself.
There is yet a third group of folks who misunderstand missionary families, and those the people we work with and live near. Everything we do is an enigma to them. They will not even allow us to live in a neighborhood that reflects our true financial status, e.g. we have to live in the ritzy neighborhood, and frankly all of my neighbors make more money than I do. They are offended when I let my kids choose boarding school, because they take this to mean that their local schools are substandard. They believe us to have endless wealth (at least several Swiss bank accounts one man suggested), they see what TV tells them they should see when discussing a foreigner. The reality is that we experience relative wealth here and relative poverty when on Home Assignment.
None of these perspectives sum up a missionary family. We are much more and much less than these folks would believe. We have no home, we have cut our roots, we have engaged a task of enormous proportions, and we usually feel like we have begun to dig a tunnel through the center of the earth with only six hours and a toothpick with which to accomplish it. We fit nowhere, and we miss all kinds of cultural clues and fads and fashions of North America. There no longer exists a safe place to be us, without some misguided expectations placed all around like the minefields here in the former Yugoslavia.
Think not that this is a soliloquy of complaint nor depression nor even weariness. It is merely a description of what is missionary reality. Remember men are from Mars and women are from Venus and missionaries are from Jupiter.
In fact, I recall one of our required field-wide meetings on one of the two fields we have served, where we came together for a few days to meet, relax and make some decisions as a corporate group. We always have a special speaker come. This particular year, our speaker brought his wife. I will never forget what this woman said to us. “How can you people send your children away to school like that!?” It gets my blood rolling again, even after all these years when I think of how painful that statement was. At that time in the CMA, not a single one of us had a choice, our children all automatically went to boarding school. Now do not think this person was new to the CMA and did not understand the situation. She understood. Her husband is on the BOD. Today we have many options for educating MK’s that were not permissible a few years ago. (In fact Phil Skellie has written an excellent article on MK education that just appeared in this quarter’s EMQ)
Another side of this misunderstanding of missionary families are those who see us as heroes. These are the pedestal pushers, who want the missionary to be high and lifted up as an example to all, and they generally get angry when we won’t. These are the folks who think that we are building some generational legacy of faith that will secure us a place on the peaks of spiritual legend-hood, and that no harm will ever come to us or our offspring. According to these well-meaning people, we are not fools nor are we irresponsible, no, we are only giants of faith working on the front-lines of the great cosmic spiritual battle and all our sacrifices will be compensated for by crowns and blessings given to us by God Himself.
There is yet a third group of folks who misunderstand missionary families, and those the people we work with and live near. Everything we do is an enigma to them. They will not even allow us to live in a neighborhood that reflects our true financial status, e.g. we have to live in the ritzy neighborhood, and frankly all of my neighbors make more money than I do. They are offended when I let my kids choose boarding school, because they take this to mean that their local schools are substandard. They believe us to have endless wealth (at least several Swiss bank accounts one man suggested), they see what TV tells them they should see when discussing a foreigner. The reality is that we experience relative wealth here and relative poverty when on Home Assignment.
None of these perspectives sum up a missionary family. We are much more and much less than these folks would believe. We have no home, we have cut our roots, we have engaged a task of enormous proportions, and we usually feel like we have begun to dig a tunnel through the center of the earth with only six hours and a toothpick with which to accomplish it. We fit nowhere, and we miss all kinds of cultural clues and fads and fashions of North America. There no longer exists a safe place to be us, without some misguided expectations placed all around like the minefields here in the former Yugoslavia.
Think not that this is a soliloquy of complaint nor depression nor even weariness. It is merely a description of what is missionary reality. Remember men are from Mars and women are from Venus and missionaries are from Jupiter.
6 comments:
Only someone who has been there can write with such clarity and honesty, and that is greatly appreciated by those of us who labor "at home". I know of no situation here can fully approximate that type of living, but we are commanded to be that culturally detached. And some segments of society really are.
Hey, I'm hoping I didn't seriously annoy you with my schpiel a while back about the Japanese man who thanked my grandmother on his knees for letting her son go to the mission field. I do think thanks are in order - but then I also thank the guy who empties my garbage can every day. You know me, I'm Sentiment City, but sorry if that little tale rubbed you the wrong way :-)
Thank God all or most missions have changed that seriously wrong rule about sending off the little MKs mandatorily, like Babylonian captivity or something. My parents lived next door to a family whose mission required that. My siblings commuted - our neighbor's boarded. That family left their mission.
That's one good thing about not being in the "good ol' days" since I'm huge on parental choice, whatever school that choice leads to.
So I'm curious - my Mom used to write sweet letters to our supporting churches - how do yours take to all your authenticity?
The rest of us like it, regardless.
Beth, you never annoy me :-) Truly I was thrilled to hear about the Japanese man and you grandmother. I frankly think that is awesome. I would not mind at all if someone said that to my parents one whit. That rocks.
Oh I write sweet letters (in my own handwriting! Yikes, it's snailmail!!) to our supporting churches and I tell them how grateful we are they they let us spend their money on needed folks and projects, and we truly are grateful. But not too many people are interested in pie that is sweetened these days. I find that overall people appreciate honesty and transparency. But not too many people can handle loads of it, so believe it or not, I make a genuine effort to temper my authenticity.
Dave:
This blog really helped me ... probably more than you know. Thanks.
Bernie
Well Bernie, I am pleased more than I can express. All the best to you and Renee as you transition. David
I'm really pleased to hear that you think most people can handle more transparency these days - I think that was a major barrier between missionary families and home churches in the past.
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