New Year here

New Year here

We are wrapping up 2018 by taking a long weekend at a farm house AirB&B way up near the New York and Pennsylvania border in the National forest. It is very cold and very quiet . . . outside at least. Inside it is more than noisy with 11 of us yelling and laughing and talking and catching up. I keep trying to find a quieter corner to just sit and soak up the positive sounds, and manage the negative sounds. Both are normal parts of living and living well. All we have is this moment, no matter if the calendar we use tells us that the current year is ending and new year about to begin. Those are somewhat artificial beginnings and endings after all.

So instead of making resolutions of those changes that I think may be necessary or beneficial for the coming year/future, this year I have been comtemplating the past year and grading myself on the things I did successfully and which ones I somewhat failed at and trying to discern why these were less than successful. Were the goals too ambitious? Did they lack appropriate urgency? Were they foolish and thus fail to grasp my attention and energy and focus on a daily or regular basis? What moved me forward? What was holding me back? Or you can make this process more emotionally and activity focused by doing the following.

Tim Ferris refers to this process as PYR's or previous year's review. He suggests that you take 30-60 minutes and do these steps:

1. Grab a notepad and create two columns: POSITIVE and NEGATIVE.

2. Go through your calendar from the last year, looking at every week. 

3. For each week, jot down on the pad any people or activities or commitments that triggered peak positive or negative emotions for that month. Put them in their respective columns.

4. Once you’ve gone through the past year, look at your notepad list and ask, “What 20% of each column produced the most reliable or powerful peaks?”

5. Based on the answers, take your “positive” leaders and schedule more of them in the new year. Get them on the calendar now! Book things with friends and prepay for activities/events/commitments that you know work. It’s not real until it’s in the calendar. That’s step one. Step two is to take your “negative” leaders, put “NOT-TO-DO LIST” at the top, and put them somewhere you can see them each morning for the first few weeks of 2019. These are the people and things you *know* make you miserable, so don’t put them on your calendar out of obligation, guilt, FOMO, or other nonsense.

Experience

Experience

A wise person will never bet against my dad, when it comes to diagnosing the probable cause of a car's mechanical problem. Every single time I have done this in my life, I have lost. I am not a very wise man when it comes to car problems. Never will I forget 10 years ago, when both lights on my Jeep went out at the same time, I mean both! Everyone told me it HAD to be the dimmer switch in the steering column. Dad said likely both lights had just blown. But everyone (45 people) said it had to be the dimmer switch. So I changed out the dimmer switch - a six hour laborious, cuss-worthy, difficult and expensive job. When finished I had a new dimmer switched install but still no headlights. Yes, you know it, both headlamps had burned out at the same time. About 35 minutes of work and easy as pie, and cheap too.

This week my antique truck started to whistle. It wasn't whistling Dixie, but it was definitely whistling - in a loud and alarming manner. From within the cab of the truck while rolling down the road, it definitely sounded like the throw-out bearing was failing. We listened to it over and over and I would have bet $1000 that the whistle was coming from under my feet, definitely the throw-out bearing. But dad had his doubts, and we tested over and over. He would not let me yank that transmission and replace that bearing because it is a butt-ugly amount of work, and he had his doubts. He was fairly certain that it was the alternator. The alternator?? Finally after a week long stand-off I suggested we go ahead and change the alternator and eliminate that as a possible whistler, and then we could get on to the real work of changing the bearing, and the worst that could happen is that I had a new alternator in the old truck.

Yes, you know it, it was the alternator. 

It's a little spooky what 60 years of experience can teach you. Be wise. Listen to the guy with the experience. 

What you love will change and be gone soon enough

What you love will change and be gone soon enough

There are many nostalgic things surrounding me while visiting here with my dad. They don't exist any longer, they are firmly in the past and only memories. Almost none of the things that I fondly remember from my childhood are possible in the present, 50 years later. Wow, that's a big number!

This will be each person's personal experience, if they live long enough. It is inevitable. The only constant is change. So what does that mean for today? Well at the very least it means that the things I love today, will also be not longer available in the future. It is that kind of change - the irreversible type. I can come to love new and exciting things, like my grandchildren, but the people, values, challenges, problems, sicknesses, politics, population density, landscape, weather, as well as the possibilities are all different than when I was a boy, and no matter what your age is today, the changes you see it a typical lifespan will be enormous. 

That is a great opportunity or a horrible reality - it mostly depends on your mindset. You decide. Everyday.

Exactly two years ago . . .

Exactly two years ago . . . 

I was on this same flight number, same airline, same destination, same route and when I landed in Atlanta my son Jake called me and told me that I was too late, mom had already passed away.  Not unexpected, not a surprise, but life-changing nevertheless. Another part of the fabric of life was ripped and can never be the same. A pillar in my life was destroyed and removed.

There is no way I would be sitting here and wishing her back with us in the same condition she found herself at the end, but God I miss her. I miss her laugh, her wisdom and her mercy. No one has those in the same qualities that she did. My life would be so much less if not for her. I may have come farther than any man before me in the history of the world, because of the influence of my mom in my life. I miss you girl . . . 

Powerless at foot drop

Powerless at foot drop

There is a point where you can experience the terrifying vulnerability of having your body fail you for no damn good reason. This powerlessness is awful. I wasn't even doing anything remotely dangerous or exotic or life-threatening (and I regularly do all three of those). No this came from sitting on a hard chair, for 3.5 hours, with my legs crossed. Yeah you can reread that sentence and wonder if I made a mistake or did not proof read my blog, but no, you would be mistaken. According to my nurse/neurologist, I effectively did nerve damage to my peroneal nerve by sitting on a rock hard chair for 3.5 hours with my legs crossed. This nerve damage results in a condition known as Foot Drop. Yes I damaged myself by being in a meeting!

Powerless. Because I sit on hard chairs all the time. I have almost no control over the chairs in my life when I am on the road traveling 100 days per year. I have been crossing my legs Euro-style for decades. Ok ok this was a pretty long meeting, but it wasn't THAT long! And I get up out of that chair and find out immediately that my left ankle and foot will not work properly. It's like they have gone to sleep without the whole tinglely thing. They will not articulate properly, they won't climb stairs properly, I am dragging my left foot like a cripple. Powerless.

Three weeks have passed since this first happened, and I am making tiny incremental progress each day toward normal functional foot and ankle. But I don't even have control over that process. There is no pill to take, there is no exercise to do, there is no decision that can be made to make things better. I am a terrible patient.

There is a special kind of trusting Jesus that is required when faced with powerlessness. And then over this three week period I realized that there is no special kind of trusting Jesus at all. We trust Jesus period, when we realize our powerlessness in any area of life. And frankly I am far more powerless in far more areas of my life, than I had ever considered before. It's ok to trust Jesus. It's foolish to trust your own abilities, because they can just stop working at any time with no notice. Jesus doesn't operate that way.

Careful to not let it touch your lips

Careful to not let it touch your lips

There are some wonderfully hot things in Asia, and some that you might need to be extra careful with as you experiment with them. The "pic-nam-blough " can be particularly deadly. And then I have found there is one level even above that, which I don't have an official Thai word for, but I privately call it thermonuclear.

I had that for breakfast recently with my fish and rice. There were so many peppers in there I could not see where the fish started and where the peppers ended. It was wonderful, unless you let it touch your lips. If you do that, expect 10-20 minutes of numb useless nerve endings that have been rendered unresponsive by the thousands of Scoville heat units assaulting them. I learned that I had better eat my pie first if I actually want to taste it. Then again I often eat my pie first, and last. Regardless, enjoy all the spicyness of what life has to offer, but be careful with the lips. 

Totally awesome change-the-world tech

Totally awesome change the world tech

I have accomplished more in 40 minutes on this airplane, than I did in the last 10 days combined. And I only used 4% of available battery power to do it. You gotta love tech like that. I could have pulled the laptop, but that goes through battery like a fire through gasoline. The iPad Pro, oh dude! All day working on this thing. The only limitation here is my imagination - and ok, that is actually pretty limited, but the tech isn't holding me back.

So I have jumped on four blogs on the first leg of my journey. That is huge, because the last three weeks I haven't had a single second to write a thing, and when I am too busy to write, then I am too busy period. What that really means is that I am too busy to think, and that has far deadlier ramifications. When I am not thinking first and foremost, then I am responding, and that generally leads to paths I had rather not travel. Not only that, responding to everything is just a tiny step above being a consumer, the bottom dregs of a life not worth living.

Instead, to be the designer of your life. It requires boldness and risk and that difficult "no" to everyone else's agendas. Stop living their lives. Start living yours. The tech is available. You are here now. Do it!

Doing the hardest things

Doing the hardest things

Lots of advice says do the most difficult thing first in the day, to get it accomplished and out of the way. It's the "eat your vegetables first" way of thinking. Well I have long known that I am a "eat your dessert first" kind of guy, so this kind of thinking and approach is not easy for me to do. I have discovered that it is difficult for many of my clients to do also.

It's really hard to have objective clarity about the next correct course of action in many situations. And even when I know what I should do, there are often many emotional non-logical reasons why I don't want to do it even though I know I should. If you never face these emotional quagmires, then you likely are not still fully human.

I was lying in bed, mentally reviewing the last several days, and there was a clear course of action that I should try, even though it may have failed, but an attempt was necessary on a number of levels in order to have integrity in the relationship at the end of the day. But there was all this messy emotional shit obfuscating my will to act and do the right thing.

Not only that, as is often the case, there was a very short window of opportunity, which meant I need to act quickly, or the opportunity was going to pass. So not only am I doing the emotional quicksand dance in my head, but I also have a ticking clock clanging in there! Opportunities don't generally sit around for weeks and weeks at a time. They come and go quickly.

Wisely I mentally gave myself a vicious kick that almost knocked me out of bed, and pushed all the messy emotional stuff to the mental corner, and took action . . . probably mere seconds before my opportunity vanished. I need to succeed more like this one. Too often I fail to act, or hesitate so long, opportunity lost. These are the hardest things to pull the trigger on.

Why - part three

Why - part three

First of all let me state that I am breaking this up into smaller bites, because too many of you are tld'tr people (too long didn't read). And shame on you. On the other hand, I need to speak more concisely and this is helping me do so. 

So "why?" no triage allowed? Because triage allows others to leverage your values and motivations and time and space and capacities and potential and gifts. Triage means that you have said yes too many times, and that guilt and pressure and mental/emotional games can be leveraged against you and your very limited time and energy. Triage means that you have too many choices. Choice is only your friend when you are in the Essentialism Part of your life, when PTA (protecting the asset) is easy and the first priority of each day. When I let my PTA slide then that totally should be the first and brightest RED flag that I am going the wrong direction!

Of course, there are clearly times when that is taken out of your hands, like this 30 hours trip to Asia, takes most of my daily practices away. They simply cannot be done in airports, and inside of airplanes, and while moving 5000 miles across the planet to a new spot. But the minute I land, I am going to the bicycle shop, to get the most important piece of equipment for my PTA, a bike of course. I won't ride it until the following day, because I will be out of my brain with fatigue by that point, but no going to bed, without setting myself up for success the following day.

If I land and instead have to follow everyone else's agendas, plans, needs and wishes, then I am doomed to triage rather than making the impact on this world that only I can make. This is the why. Keep focused. PTA. Essentialism. Make a real difference in the world.

No more triage

No more triage

Part two. So now that I have some time, and I have to confess that I did not MAKE the time, it was hoisted upon me by the airlines, distance, and layovers. However I am not being foolish, I am grabbing the gift that it is, even if I did not make it happen myself - and I should have.

Part of this reclamation of the essentials, my essentialism, is rethinking Mark Manson's book, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k" because you get into these situations because of guilt and pressure and other people's agendas, not because you are thinking clearly. Manson's book reminds you what to care about, and quantifies how little you CAN care about and actually get something important accomplished. I was a glorified chauffeur and babysitter all week because I was too weak to have clarity and say no.

Oh yeah, you got to own this. No shifting this to anyone else, otherwise you will never have the will or power to escape the clutches of these endless intrusions into the important and significant contributions that you and only you, can make in this world. No more triage! Say no, and continue saying no until the bare essentials remain. Then knock them out of the park! If you are doing triage regularly, then you are doing this wrong. 

Why - part three.

Some time at last

Some time at last

Hopefully this will be a recall of my life, as in getting it back. As in it has belonged to others too long, and hell fire if you even get a thank you. That should teach me, and should have taught me decades ago but that is a blog for another time. Today's blog is about recalling what is Essential in your life, and why that Essentialism is critical to your effectiveness and well-being.

Before we do recalling though, let me say that this is the giving economy. In the famous words of Earl, all you have is what you give away. That being said and stated upfront, let's also make the painful observation that not all gifts bear the same fruits. So I am not suggesting that we give less, but that we give smarter and with more discipline. Quicker to say no, and slower to give our commitment, and in my case for the last two weeks, far far slower!

On to recalling. What is absolutely the most important thing for me to be doing and how do I structure my days to live it out? The more mental triage you find yourself doing as you answer this question, the  deeper you are into giving of yourself unwisely. In my perfect world, there is no triage. The essentials are apparent and all there is to focus on, not 99 other competing agendas and tasks and wish-lists that others foist upon you. Unfortunately the reason I am writing this precise blog is because I have recently gone to the dark side - the unwise side. I had to do mental triage to answer that question. Shame. The leadership consultant who doesn't follow his own advice. Shame.

Next blog - revisit your essentials and restructure so that there is no triage

24 hours

24 hours

24 hours of silence. 24 hours of thinking. 24 hours of not talking. 24 hours of not listening. 24 hours to contemplate. 24 hours to be. 24 hours to savor. 24 hours to focus totally and completely. 24 hours to change the course of my life. 24 hours to plan. 24 hours to finish important mental work. 24 hours to complete unfinished tasks. 24 hours to myself. The possibilities . . .  

The narrow band of remarkable

The narrow band of remarkable

I am not all that talented, and neither are you. Oh people look at you and me and if they see the image that we try to effect, they may think us powerful, purposeful and all-talented, but the truth is that you and I are not remarkable at very many things. It just takes too many years and too much practice and education and experience and gifting to be remarkable at more than a few.  I am perfectly comfortable with this fact, but I do get ever more weary of other people insistence that I am this or that or those kinds of experts and craftsmen. I am not. There is a saying used in every doctoral program, and mine was no exception - we realize somewhere along the way as we desperately struggle through our dissertations and defenses and research - that we know more and more about less and less. Read that again, because it is so very true.

I have a doctoral degree in leadership. I know almost nothing about leadership. However, I know a great deal about one little tiny corner of one large stone of thousands of large stones in one huge pyramid of leadership around the world. Yes I am remarkable about what I know and can do and accomplish in this one tiny corner, but precious little else. I can be remarkable in this one little fractional niche of expertise, and that has taken me a lifetime of work and learning and failing. How can I think myself remarkable at dozens or hundreds of other skills and knowledge-bases?

My dad and I were building a new well house last month. Well it would be more accurate to say that HE was building it, I was the gopher. He was appalled that I could not even drive a nail very well. I on the other hand, came to grips with my lack of carpentry skills decades ago.  In order to specialize my actual remarkable skills, I had to forego learning many "basics" that all southern boys are expected to know about and do at least a little respectably.  I am ok with that completely, he is still giving me grief over it. But that is his problem not mine. I know that a person can only master a few remarkable skills, and everything else I will have to let someone else be the expert. 

Since I understand this about myself (and everyone else) its easy to listen, its easy to learn, its easy to let other shine in their areas of expertise. I don't (can't!) know everything.

Motivation rises

Motivation rises
Motivation rises when you get a sense of the limitless possibilities of your work, or your relationships, or of your calling or business.  We can all accomplish more than ever before. Technology, communications, and travel have violently changed all the infrastructures in the modern world. It has changed so fantastically in the 24 years I have been working abroad, it honestly is a great deal like a whole new universe.

In Russia when we moved there 24 years ago, we spent more or less $300 USD each month for about an hour of actual phone time back to America or to Germany to talk to the kids. That's right $300 for an hour. Now I can talk to people on three different continents all at the same time and it costs virtually nothing, $40 a month for unlimited hours and conversations. That one piece alone is a game changer.

Flying used to be a big deal. People did not move around the globe all that much. Now I fly 100,000 miles a year, and so do lots of other people. It is not something I am particularly thrilled about, while the cost to return factor is great, the cost to the body and health is not. Virtual is the way to go. Read that sentence again David! While I am actively winding this one huge change in the world back, it is still a game changer. Now I am focusing more on longer trips but less trips.

Technology is the piece that makes all of this possible. My world is so different now than the big old computers I used to lug around. Now I basically hold a screen in my hand and it has far more computing power than I will ever use. I can also write on the screen, read from the screen, type and collate and compare, and a thousand other things on this screen in my hand. Simply elegance and astonishment.

But the biggest changes are inside me. You have to embrace all these changes, or they are practically useless. On the other hand you don't want to get overly enamored with the changes themselves, but rather how they alter the possibilities of what can be accomplished. These changes primarily affect scale and scope - you simply can do so much more with so many others than you could ever before. And along with these magnificent possibilities, comes new responsibilities to keep that genie in the bottle. But motivation rises with all the possibilities. Go change the world, its within your grasp to do so like never ever before.

The beauty of possibilities

There are so many ways to live your life, but for me, one rich with possibilities to make the world a better place is the most beautiful one to live. Leadership is the process of hope giving and hope making and realizing hope. The more possibilities a project has, the more hope angles you have to work with in any given situation.

It is very difficult and challenge work (read that word WORK again) to be a conveyer of hope. It requires that you explore, develop and most importantly, and the most difficult task, is to think. Thinking in these kinds of potentials and possibilities is the pivotal skill that leaders have to hone all the time. I have to remind myself regularly, that this is what is required of me. I have to be intentional and focused on the idea of the possibilities. This is what people pay me for, it is what I do best. It is beautiful. The next post will be about how this can happen in the real world.

Graveside

I come to the states about 3-4 times a year to look in on my dad and spend some time with him. That also facilities me not only spending some quality time with him but catching up on the chores around the farm place that are now beyond his physical abilities. They are many times beyond mine too! Needless to say, I have sweated a great deal since arriving a few days ago.

But coming here means that I visit my mom's grave site each visit too. The cemetery is always a peaceful place, well manicured and orderly, beautiful vistas and little to no noise for obvious reasons. Yet it is never a very peaceful experience for my heart. I imagine that missing her is a very normal experience, but it is not peaceful. The jagged hole her absence leaves in our lives is unrelenting.

Loss like this is something that everyone experiences eventually if they live long enough. However I think that the individual process is different for each person. And the closer you are to the person the more powerful the distress can be. My experience when my grandparents passed away was and is far less traumatic to my soul than my mom, and my brother's passing has been.  I don't like this stage of life very much and find myself sorely unprepared for it in most every way.

This is in memory of, or at least I am thinking about all the losses in the last two years alone; Donna, Dale, Josie, Tracy, Malcolm, Coach, Susie, Darla Jean, Dr Peyton, Doug . . . way too many funerals, each making life tougher and more precious at the same time. You and I have this one wild beautiful life, and what are we going to do with it?

This is my future unless I choose a different present

What? Where? When? How? Yes. All of these. Wherever you are in life, whatever you are in life, whenever you are in life, however you are in life today, this is your future unless you choose a different  action today. A different present. A new course of near-future experiences, actions, decisions, thoughts, risks, options, pains, pleasures, structures, networks, relationships, etc etc if I wish for a different future.

Yes this has to be navigated even as choice overload is also an ever-present challenge in modern life, but these choice you make, make you. The choices you have made up to this moment are the present you have, the current life you have, the situational result you find yourself in, and the only way to change the tomorrows is chose a different present. Right now. Not tomorrow. You are making a choice even as you read these words . . . even if it is a choice to do nothing more or different than you did yesterday which led to this present. Not choosing is also a choice. But never doubt that this is your future, unless you chose a different present.

Climb the mountain, change the perspective

It is always amazing and astonishing how different everything looks from the peak or high up on the mountian versus when you start the climb. We did that this morning in the Jarillda mountains of Spain. Even 100 meters of elevation gain, provided a nearly completely different view. But there are so many nuances here . . . the climb always looks easy at the start, but soon into the climb, you will change your mind about that!

Life is so totally like that, and this can be a powerful metaphor for helping you hang in there when the view isn't so great, i.e. things are almost always difficult to parse at the beginning. Really always. If you don't think they are tough, it is usually because you don't even have enough perspective to know that things are tough. (And count your blessings, that is not always a bad place to be in life. I purposefully choose ignorance in certain situations so that I won't know how bad it really is, but that is a post for a different day)

This post is one about being confused. The view of the surrounding terrain is confusing from the base of the mountain. You simply do not have enough elevation (perspective) to accurately map the reality around you. You have to stay with the climb long enough to gain that perspective and elevation in order to even have a chance of seeing the reality around you.

Most people I meet in life, bail on pursuing the trail, before they can gain perspective/elevation/inspiration/understanding of what really truly lies before them. Climb the mountain, gain perspective, be part of the 5% who reach the peak.

The metro - the melting pot of Berlin

The metro - the melting pot of Berlin

The guy siting next to me is reading Arabic facebook on his phone, the girl across from me speaking Farsi on her's, the kids behind me are speaking Her Majesty's English, the guy across the aisle is reading a Russian language newspaper, and so on and so forth.  I can't even recognize half the languages being spoken around me.

So if you want to see how metropolitan and multi-cultural and multi-lingual Berlin is, all you have to do is jump on the metro for half a line or so and you will get a good dose on any given day. This is so different than when I would ride the metro in Moscow. No language but Russian being spoken there. The contrast is astonishing.

With a view like this . . .

You should be able to change the world, be inspired to create the impossible with nothing, to challenge the assumptions of the ages, to matter to those who have little hope, to be significant in what you bring to the table, to design your thoughts and structure life to leverage the most amazing life ever . . . 

And on and on I could go but I won't. Inspiring spaces in which to work are great and I love every one of them. I love it when I get the chance to crank on my brain in places like this, because it is inspiring yes, but it is also a new context so I can think new thoughts and consider old ideas in new ways, all because of the ambience and the swirl of life and the energy going on in this place.

There are no slackers here. Everyone has a deep purpose, a reason for being and doing, its contagious. Choose and design your space. Today I am @ WeWork Berlin #dowhatyoulove

Why arrive early, the plane never leaves early??

Another delayed flight. Is there any other kind?? Not so much in my life. So why do I ever ever leave for the airport early? Earl's disease is one reason. Earl is my dad. He is spectacularly gifted in his imagination. He can imagine more things going wrong in each and every situation, than any other human on the planet. We sometimes refer to the malaise as Earl's Disease. (It also has a seconded useage, in that your car must run perfectly, or you are forever obsessed with getting it to that unreachable condition)

So why did I leave for the airport early today? And of course end up departing almost a whole hour late? I mean I could have: 1. Finished my workout this morning rather than cutting it short because I feared running out of time; 2. Relaxed more with Brenda at the breakfast table this morning; 3. Enjoyed my coffee more and more slowly; 4. Not gotten sucked into a long conversation with people who recognized me at the airport and with whom I had no real interest in talking to or with; 5. Perhaps avoided the stupid lizard-brained airport officials who have absolutely NOTHING to do except harrass passengers with the tiniest of rules and pressures (I want to scream!); 6. Enjoyed a decent long hot shower instead of the quick rinse I ended up with . . . all because of the internal pressure and all the unknowns that could go wrong, so I leave home with PLENTY of time. Far too much in reality.

Folks, the plane never leaves early. Manage your life better.

Everybody is dying it seems

You go through stages in life, although it does not feel that way when you are going through them, it just feels like . . . living at that moment. But the older you get, the more perspective and context you gain, to look back and see the stages. For instance I am fond of saying that  I have been married to three versions the same woman - meaning I have only and always been married to Brenda, but she/us/together have been through at least three stages in life.

This current stage of life (not Brenda) seems to be the death stage. Not my own, although that is more than possible at any time, but those solid and formative people of my life are dying. And it "feels" like all my friends and clients and coworkers are experiencing the same thing, and so it seems like a tsunami of deaths and more deaths. 

Just yesterday, my colleague and I started this trip to Spain together, and between the two of us, we experienced four deaths of close friends and/or family members! All before we even got on the plane for Madrid, even though we did not know it at the time. We received this news later in the day, but it tore the fabric of ours lives nonetheless.

Sure this is an inevitability for everyone if they live long enough, but I always thought this was an experience to wrestle with far out into the future, like in my 70's or 80's . . . but evidently you can start this stage well and good in your 50's. I reckon we can let it be fuel for depression and emotional fractures, or we can let it be fuel to bring our best selves to every moment today.

Eight days of business travel = no control?

No control over my diet, yet I do have control over how much of that diet I put in my mouth. No control over my exercise (lack of my usual tools - bicycle) but I can still get out and take a walk and not just sit on my bony backside every minute of every day for the next eight days. No control over lifting weights (lack of access to a gym), but I can realize that eight days "off" is not going to make me lose muscle mass in any significant way. No control over my internet connection, but I can write offline and when I can connect is when I can connect. I do not have control over the bed I am sleeping in, but I can make sure I get as much sleep as possible in whichever bed I end up with to be fresh and invigorated for the work facing me on this trip. Little control over my schedule, but I can find little spaces/times along the way/day to get those important-to-me pieces done. No control over my laundry, but I can pack smart and keep my cool. No control over so many things = this is what business travel looks like in the real world. Period. 

Action point? Don't stress over what I don't have control over. Stress over what I DO have control over. I have control over my character, my thoughts, and my actions in each situation.  

Three times the cost for one third the value

Three times the cost for one third the value

This is how the economy works with a monopoly, or in an airport (which is essentially a monopoly created under the guise of security). Case in point, I just paid OVER three times as much for a 0.5 liter bottle of sparkling water at the airport, as I would have for a 1.5 liter bottle of the same stuff 10 miles from here. We succumb to these legal robberies all the time. We think we have no choices in the matter, and ok, that is a debate for a different post.

But the power I clearly have here on Independence Day is to not be that way with the value that I create. I don't have to be a shark, or function like a monopoly (even if I am) or be exclusive or any of that kind of thinking. Instead I can choose to be generous, thoughtful, sharing, inclusive, open, thinking in abundance and how to serve others, rather than how to maximize my profits for me personally. That's real independence, the freedom from self-serving self-interest, freedom from a focus on me.

Hijacked by greed, or incompetence or lack of planning, they are all pretty much the same

Hijacked by greed, or incompetence or lack of planning., they are all pretty much the same

Having just returned from a long trip to Asia, there are always trends and patterns you observe when you spend a good long spell in a new context or culture. One of most frustrating one's I experienced regularly in Asia is getting hijacked when you are already the customer. This one does not happen very often in American (read practically never, except when it comes to the telephone - meaning that I can be standing at the cash register in the Auto Parts store and the phone can interrupt my checkout and "hijack it" completely) and it is rare in Europe as well. We westerners are more ruled by the idea, "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" kinds of thinking. What I actually have is worth more than potentially what I can get.

Not. In. Asia. Everything is interruptible. This is most frustrating when you are working with a masseuse, and another customer comes in and wants a massage. Instead of simply stating, "I already have a customer and I can be free at such and such a time" they always stop working on your aching muscles and fawn over all the potential new customers walking in the door. This often means I lay there for 10-20 minutes while we all wait for new masseuses to show up! No amount of frantic and urgent phone calls to new masseuses can get them there faster than that it seems. But I am already there laying on the table. I am the sure thing. I tip well. I am the ultimate easy customer! It doesn't matter, the new potentials always override the existing customer.

There is a similar phenomenon in our work here in Eastern Europe, where we have noticed a consistent pattern over these last 19 years. No matter how firmly you are confirmed on their calendars, and no matter how significant the work is that you are proposing to do with them, and no matter how much effort has been spent on the pending meeting/event/plan, a single spontaneous call from anyone can derail the whole damn thing! For us over-organized westerners, these types of hijackings are the ultimate in frustrations.

Whether because of greed, incompetence or lack of planning it does not matter. Whether a matter of culture or social norms it does not matter. Welcome to the rest of the world.

Does your closet have jeans that don't fit?

Does your closet have jeans that don't fit?

Then you likely are not accepting your reality, or your version of you does not match your jean's version of you. People do this all the time. They are waiting for the perfect something to come along and change what fiction they believe about their life. This keeps many in psychic prisons all their lives, rather than living anything remotely resembling the life they want to live, or at the very very least, living the reality that is theirs. 

Folks the only way to change current reality is to first accept it. Stop denying it, stop waiting for something to come along and change it, stop playing the lottery for Pete's sake! This is your one and only life, you had better own it completely, or regret, and tons of it, is both in your immediate present and long term future.

Accepting your reality is like taking your car to the mechanic and getting a proper diagnosis about what is wrong and what can change. If you don't know the actual challenge you (or your engine) is facing, there is not a chance in hell or heaven that dreams and hopes have possibilities.

Facing your reality is truly the first step in owning your piece of the pie that is your life. Until that happens, you are in denial, or blaming someone or some situation, or something for the life you have. Even when you successfully do this, and you must (as do I), this does not mean that struggles and difficulties will cease, but at least then you will know what you really face . . . and get comfortable here, even the best life can be difficult.

I got started on this six years ago when a close friend committed suicide. It was seriously time to face some realities that I was not living the life I was meant to live. I now own all my outcomes, succeed or fail. And all the jeans in my closet fit me.

Forever missed appointments

Forever missed appointments

I am currently sitting here waiting for my noon gig, alone, again. This is actually the fourth time this week that something has gone awry in a schedule mdeeting. In fact, I have had a 100% failure rate so far this week. Hours and hours and hours of waiting, but no actual connects yet. And its Thursday already even!! Monday was a fail, Tuesday was a fail, last night was a fail, and so far today is a fail. No one is really to blame yet, things have been beyond every person's control. How can I be a person who is unfailingly optimistic even when scheduled work is failing. Well . . . try try again.

And surprise surprise here comes half of my noon appointment. Patience, waiting for the important pieces to fall into place. Great meeting! Success!

They are only forever missed appointments if you fail to reschedule and reschedule.

Value creation

Value creation 

The best question I ever discovered to push me to be more is "what value am I providing in this situation?" There is basically an infinite number of things you and I could be doing. Unlimited actions we could be taking. But the important ones are the ones that create value for you, your work, your customer, your organization, your client, your family, your God.

Issac Morehouse says " . . . focus on value creation, no matter how humble." He continues, "You are your best investment. There is no IRA, real estate deal, savings account, or job that will come close to generating the returns you get when you invest in enhancing your own value to yourself and others."

This is the most important contribution we can make. It is the way to do the important, the critical, the significant, the meaningful and the very best gift we can give to ourselves and others. I don't know what you are creating, but as Morehouse said, the best returns are on value creation. You are your best investment ever.

Airplane communications

Airplane communications

This is means bad. I observed that on my two flights today that I might have heard and understood three out of 36 messages over the PA systems. When your communication system and or process is poorly done, or the equipment fails to help you give clear and concise messages, then it is just noise that everyone automatically filters out. The brain is designed that way it seems to me. 

I am paying attention to these matters more nowadays because I have been challenged to tighten up my communications. While I don't use an aircrafts PA system, my tools may be just as poorly implemented. Not only are the voice communications ignored, but also the signs employed on the aircraft because they often are not current. Like the fasten seatbelt sign is still lit even though all the staff are moving around the cabin. While there may be rough flying in the next few minutes, no one believes it because the cabin crew is braving it. I understand there may be different standards and rules of conduct between staff and customers, this particular customer needs to go to the bathroom. But I abhor breaking the rules, especially when I might regret it, even though I probably wouldn't.

Communication has to mean something if you want folks to pay attention and follow along. Communication has to be understandable in order to be viable. Just because you said the words out loud into the PA system and that may free you from some legal liability, it accomplishes nothing, if you can't clear say the words in one of the four or five languages I can follow.                                                                                                                                                                                                   

A cockroach in my grits

A cockroach in my grits

There are weeks in my life that I would rather forget. This week has been one of those in part. In "part", because there have also been some spectacular wonderful moments as well. But overall, it has been a cockroach in my grits. 

I use that particular metaphor because of the spectacular cockroach (if spectacularness is measure in size alone) I saw the morning the whole mess of the week began. 

So I have practiced over and over and over again, changing the narrative, changing the story I am telling myself about what is happening and why and what choices I have about what is happening to me (because in the end that is the only choice we have most times, and it certainly is the only thing we can control - our response), and then I even moved it up a level to changing the lens - not just the story I was telling myself, but moving (metaphorically) into a different seat, a different point of view, a position that varies from the one I think I am stuck in - and still the injuries mounted.

It has spiraled to the point that I am a little wary of even flying these flights today, even though honestly I am not superstitious, . . . really . . . seriously, I am not.

Perhaps all that is left to do is throw the whole lot out and start a fresh batch of grits? If the plane doesn't go down in flames, I think I will. Let's start by counting all the things I can be grateful for . . . and so it begins.

You really took my scissors?

You really took my scissors?

Seriously? I have always experienced that the smaller the airport, the more anal the scrutiny and abuses. Those scissors have literally flown 100's of flights, passed through 100's of security checks, been touched and handled and ultimately passed by 1000's of security personnel in airports all over the entire planet. You were just too damn lazy to even look at them, see their blunt tips, see how impossible they were to use as a weapon. In fact if I _could_ have used them as a weapon I would have stuck them in you somewhere!

Yes I am ripped. Hopefully this is the final, the very last injustice of my "cockroach in my grits" week that I have been having. The hysterically funny thing here (yes I am trying to find humor, solace, a reset button, in all of this), is that I have far far far more dangerous things in my bag, than were my beard scissors.

I have a lighter in my bag, I have a cigar cutter in my bag, I have creams that could blind you in my bag, I have my French press and my coffee grinder in my bag, all of which are more easily weaponized, than are my beard scissors!

Of course I don't have to enter into every fight I am invited to as Joe Callaway famously said, and so I guess my future strategy for world travel will have to be purchasing my beard scissors in bulk, like I do cigar cutters (because those regularly get taken in security checks - that is just the cost of enjoying a cigar). And this trip to Cambodia is just gonna have some wild hairs in it.

First of all we killed no one

First of all we killed no one

That was a miracle all by itself, because I am pretty sure we broke every single law in the country as we sped through village after village on our way to Battambang. We covered a three hour trip in two hours and 20 minutes. Our wake probably harvested some of the rice fields we passed in a blur.

I just kept my head down and continued working on my client work, rather than watching our constant near misses and getting all tense and frustrated and fearful. Death won't be any more or less painful because I saw it coming. I can't control most of these events in my life, the driver speaks no English, and I speak no Cambodian. Just trust Jesus and pray for the brakes.

Now the return trip begins in 41 minutes.

Dissatisfaction with yourself

Dissatisfaction with yourself

This relates to self-awareness. According to HBR only 10-15% of leaders are self-aware. The general population will be even less for sure. This is awful amazing. I meant to say it that way, because it is awful and amazing at the same time. To never or rarely consider how others experience you in the world, is a pure tragedy. The wake we leave in life needs to be considered carefully and regularly. Irresponsible living is the only other result possible. This line of thought is largely about others dissatisfaction with how they experience you.

However an aspect to a lack of self-awareness that is not considered very often is the dissatisfaction with yourself. I find 100% of the people who are dissatisfied with themselves, are basically about as self-aware as cement block. They can't figure out WHY they are dissatisfied, nor what things they need/could do to rectify the situations of their lives in a positive manner. This of course leads to ongoing never-ending dissatisfaction. It is a repeating circle of pain and unhappiness.

There are other negative results that come from a lack of self-awareness, and no positive ones unless you consider cluelessness throughout life to be a positive. Hell, just pay attention to your anger, stress and you will get tons of feedback about what you value and what your weaknesses are, if you think that you need some kind of special dispensation to excuse your bad attitude.

Wake up man! See and feel how others are experiencing you! You will eventually be a lot happier with yourself when you get a grip on this one.

Reframing your thinking

Reframing your thinking

There are a number of ways that leaders of every variety accomplish this, from changing the narrative that they are telling themselves all the way to changing the lens through which we view the scale and scope of the problem or opportunity before us. It is the last way that I want to focus on today. But let me state that the first one is really important too! In fact it has produced the best and largest changes in my day to day experience of any tool I have used in the last three years. And having shared it often with others, they too regularly quote it and practice it as well. I am sure it works.

But to change the way you think on a larger and deeper scale, especially as you get older, requires more than just changing the narrative, as powerful as that may be. Changing lens is necessary because the one most of us employ is from our childhood - and this is a very very different world than you grew up in and developed in. The lens most people use is just too limited to be very helpful. You need a better view, a better perspective to be able to reconstruct what you are trying to accomplish. Most people die with their best work still inside them, because they are using an outdated or too small lens.

When I was a boy growing up in MooCow GA, there was a woods behind our house. It seem large and huge and vast to me as a kid. Now I realize that it only covered a couple of acres at most. After living in five different countries over the last 30 years, that tiny forest was in reality just a stand of trees. But the lens of my youth could not see it for what it was. Having said that, it was adequate for what I needed at that time in my life. I need far far more today. Likely you do too. Especially as we get older, for the tendency will be to pull in our boundaries rather than forging new and expanded ones.

Whether you like what I am stating or not, it doesn't really matter, since you will invariably face opportunities and challenges whether or not you want this to happen. It is simply part and parcel of living. As long as you are living, you might as well live well and fully. My learning curve and my change curves are so sharp, that it makes my hermit soul shudder and scream! But in order to see the world, _my world_, as it really is, I have to move out of the woods of my youth, and fly high so that I can see the endless jungles of the Amazon or southeast Asia.

When we change the lens through which we are viewing the world, we can change our entire reference point. This is how we can thrive in the opportunities and challenges that we have coming our way. The questions that I ask myself each day to reach these heights, are "what value am I providing in this situation?" "What do I need to learn in order to help this move forward?" "What can I ask to help others see a panoramic view?" What will bring clarity to this situation or event or person?" "What needs to happen to see growth?"

How much do you need to be rich?

How much do you need to be rich?

Ok it might of had the smell of clickbait, but it was fairly irresistible clickbait. I bit. And it made me think hard about being rich, and that thought makes me stop literally (stopped here to text the kids and say thank you for recent actions). Ok thank you said. So clearly I measure the idea of "richness" more along relational lines than financial lines, but as I was thinking about it, you could measure it in a number of other ways as well. 

Lots of people measure rich in terms of experiences. Like this business class lounge where I currently sitting would be considered "rich" by many peoples standards and expectations. However I sit in a lot of business class lounges and not a single one of them equals the comfort and pleasure of sitting in my own living room. On the other hand, they are more comfortable than what those people outside of this lounge are sitting on. So business class travel I would put into the category of experience that the more rare it is, the more rich it feels. And now that I consider that thought more carefully the more I think that this will likely be true in most categories.

So what is rich, yet not in the rare experience category? Well I think that my relationships with my wife and dad, then my children and their spouses, and then my grandchildren, and then my friends have generally an even and steady flow of rich about them. They aren't rare, but they are almost always positive. That is rich of the first order. Hell, it might even be rare as well. Relationally and emotionally and spiritually and physically my life is very rich by any standards.

It was the financial amounts listed to qualify as being rich, which astonished me. When surveyed 1000 people said that to be "comfortable" financially they needed $1.4 million, or $2.4 million to feel "wealthy." While I may be very very rich in many ways, these numbers don't even feel real to me. Completely in a different financial universe than were I live. Not really all that interested in this much stuff because I want to own my stuff and not have it own me. I am already rich beyond counting. (You can read the article that got me thinking along these lines here)

Every year it gets more difficult to change

Every year it gets more difficult to change

This is more technically known as "cognitive inertia" as most of the time we find ourselves searching for and seeing confirmation for what we hold as true or accurate - confirmation bias they call it. But change is more important than ever as we age, and in fact is one of the few undeniable things that we can't avoid if we want to continue to have a life.

Yet increasing years and the culmination of experience and our histories, combined with a nostalgia for the well-polished past, selective memory about ourselves and our actions, decreasing mental agility, overflooded minds, under-active imaginations, little play, ever more limited energy, and obsessions with health issues, among a hundred other concerns and foci, make change take on an oversized pressure and challenge. It "feels" more difficult, and that becomes a self-fulfilling experience for most as the years pile on and on.

All of this came to mind today as I met a "husky" young man this morning as I was starting my daily bike ride of 11 miles straight up the mountain. I immediately felt terrible for this young fellow. Husky was the polite word used for overweight boys in the 60's and 70's. I bought jeans out of the Sears and Roebuck catalogue in the "husky" section. I continued purchasing clothes in husky sections and the big man sections, and then XXL sections of stores until I was 50 years old. And honestly I may do so once again in the future. But miraculously (for me), I changed.

I changed my belief that it was in my genetic makeup to be overweight. I changed my belief (i.e. excuse) that I had no control over my weight. I changed what I thought was an appropriate amount of food to eat each day. I changed my acceptance that I did not have the personal resources or self control to take charge of my life. And as I said, it would be ever so easy to allow my discipline to fail, and for me to return to my husky state of existence, but at least for the last six years, I have been weight-appropriate for the very first time in my life. But if I do return to that undisciplined state I lived in for 50 years, it won't be because I no longer believe that I can't change. It will probably be because I am a lazy butthead, or some other nonsense as that, but I HAVE done it for SIX years. I did and have changed.

Some other things I am thinking through about changing are like: work, alcohol, church, what kind of son I am to my dad, purpose, significance, meaning, impact, technology, communication, power, money, retirement, and my wake in life ... I am at various stages of reassessing these matters - all of them.

I am intentionally and consciously changing and reassigning these matters importance in my life, and what I will choose to do about them. This kind of thinking is "thinking about thinking" kinds of reassessment. The very foundation of change. I have been meeting entirely too many people my age who are walking through their one and only life sleepwalking, or at the very least just waiting for it to end. So perhaps this blog will not resonate with you at all, but perhaps it will shake you up enough to realize that you are largely the sum total of your choices and beliefs and that you can chose where you stand on each one of them and do it differently. They call it change, and it will never be easier than today.

4:53 am and the sky is lighting up, but am I?

4:53 am and the sky is lighting up, but am I?

Yes this means that I am back in Macedonia, where the sky begins to color and the Muslim call to prayer both are happening at 4:53 am. It's been a very short night and will be a very long day as my jet is lagging more and more with every trip I take it seems. This is a day for strong coffee, grit and low expectations.

But I am in the world where I am this morning, Eastern Europe. And only I have the decades of history and experience in this place where I am. Only I have walked the paths that I have walked and with the peeps that I have walked this life with alongside of me. I have a definite unmistakable perspective that I can bring to these situations and these lives here. I have unique insights because I am unique. Perhaps I can even be astonishing and world changing with the ideas that are floating around only in me.

Seize the opportunity to be you today. There is no one else like you anywhere else, and we need your best self. (I am beholding to Nilofer Merchant for spawning these thoughts in me today)

Five Guys, . . . but not those five guys

Yes I wish this were a post about Five Guys, the bestest hamburger and freshest fries in the whole world kind of place, but it is not. Instead it is about you and me becoming like the five people we spend the most time with, or as Jim Rohn said it, we become the average of the five guys we spend the most time with.

The terribly difficult thing for many people who work regular jobs, is that they have little control over who they spend the most time with because their daily exchange of time and energy for money (work) dictates who those five people will be. I know. I "worked" for 33 years. Never had any real control over those five people.

But this is both true and not true, because now that I run the company and I only pick people to work with that I adore and value, I have come to realize the power of these choices is breathtaking. I have a number of teams of five guys that stretch pull push bulldoze smack shove force invite and tease me to be the best version of me. In fact one of the leaders of one of those teams of five, JS, I often say to him, "may I be the man you think I am" as I sign off on one of our great emails (that are often more meaty than actual conversations with regular mortals). And if you are fortunate enough to get an email from JS, or even better yet BV, then you better put your thinking cap on and show completely up, because these guys expect you to bring your best self to the table.

Yet the five guys is not true in the sense that you can raise the stakes and make it 10 guys, or 15 guys, or maybe even 20, but I don't have the relational chops to intensely interact deeply with that many people. But Rohn still has a point in making the five (in my case I made it six) guys be an intentional choice on your part. Own your life, decide what average you are gonna be.

“You have the face of an Italian”

”You have the face of an Italian”

Yes this was actually said to me! I know that you think I am joking but I am not. I have been called many things in my life but this was a first. Maybe I should get my hair cut at that salon more often?

Clearly the police officer was delusional but like all of us, he has certain concepts that he is dealing with. In his mind, however strangely, today I looked like whatever concept or mental picture he has of what an Italian face looks like. Now no one in Italy thinks I look like an Italian, but I digress.

These concepts we all carry around with us, shape what we see. Moreover they cause us to see things that may or may not actually be there. Clearly they can misinform us as well as help us make mental leaps. 

So while we cannot, not have these concepts, we can treat them carefully. They are mental spaces where we store things, or construct things that keep our presuppositions and assumptions warmed up and ready to go. They can also be mental handcuffs that prevent us from seeing and experiencing and changing the world with our eyes wide open and our hearts engaged. So I need to regularly question how I think I know what I think I know.

My apologies to all my Italian friends, but I rather liked the idea of having an Italian face.

Space

Space

I don't mean outer space, I mean space in our lives to live them properly. In a world that seems to be ever hungry for more and more, faster and faster, higher and higher, I desperately feel the need for space. In fact we might take years to get all the space that we really need.

Space to think, space to innovate, space to care, space to make something important, space to be compassionate, space to change the world, space build, space to create, space to serve, space to consider, space to contemplate, space to work excellence, space to be brilliant, space to matter and more space and more space.

Are you making space in your life?

So much that could be done

So much that could be done

But that would require you and me to make space in our lives to do it. And that unfortunately requires trade offs. Trade off's suck because, well . . . you have to trade off something else of value. So in the end it is a triage of value. I live on this razor's edge all the time. I actually have come to the place where I count how many weeks a year I am in this physical location over that physical location. It is the sharpest kind of trade off, where the values are so close together that it is nearly impossible to find a difference in them some days. And you thought this was going to be an easy task??

It is easy you argue, you just need to see the big picture and which value you choose becomes clear. If only. The big picture makes a number of assumptions that may or may not happen. If you were as old as me and you were certain that I had 20 more years to live this out and share this life with this person or affect that series of events, then agreed, the big picture could make it easy to have clarity. But since neither I nor the individuals in question have any such certainties, that big picture is only one of many other possible futures. And yes, you can get completely and utterly lost in these kinds of equations and unknowns. So don't.

Instead, plan as if the big picture was knowable and doable and reasonably certain. But live as if all you have was this moment for this is true and certain. And I for one make plans within plans and live moments within moments - regularly adjusting to the new moments I yet have because there is so much that could be done, to change the world in meaningfully better ways. Don't allow the trade offs nor the unknowable future paralyze you into inaction. 

The struggle of constant partial attention

The key word here is CONSTANT! Occasional partial attention is altogether something else than what I am struggling with here. I literally mean constant. If you think I jest, know that at this very moment I am hiding in a different state, off the highway, in my truck, with my phone turned off so that under no circumstances can I be found, and once again have what little focus and attention I can muster be fractured. Constantly. Incessantly. Relentlessly. Unceasingly.

Instead of increasing my skills and abilities at deep work, accomplishing something important, completing with excellence those actions expected of me, I fight to even hear what has been said, to process the noise filling the room, to engage in anything more taxing than solitaire. While my presence here in this location may be important in a lifelong relational sense, to honor and respect the person I am with, the price is proving to be very very high.

This practice of constant partial attention is derailing years of discipline, decades of effort, systems that have been formed carefully over a lifetime. Of course if you have a TV in your house and you have it on for hours each day you too struggle with this same dilemma. I am talking about a person and a situation, but you might find yourself facing the very similar scenario where you are finding yourself ever further behind in the important business of conducting yourself appropriately and with excellence in the world.

You may need to find a secluded place to park your truck, in another state, turn off your phone, light up your cigar and get to work.

Bombarded with opportunities

Bombarded with opportunities 

One of the most unexpected and wonderful and terrible things that happen in your 50's is that you get bombarded with opportunities. Really. Great. Opportunities. Not generic run of the mill stuff, but really great opportunities. The kind you could only dream about 20-30 years ago. Now they are here, knocking at your door. Almost begging you to take them and seize the day and change the world!

You had darn well better be unbelievably good at saying "no" otherwise you will destroy whatever synergy/excellence/effort/experience brought you to receive these opportunities in the first place. Do you have whiplash yet? Yes this is the stage of life where your best opportunities come, and where you say "no" more and better, and more frequently than ever before.

Pay attention here, you are probably looking at all of this wrong. Offered opportunities are NOT an invitation to change the world, they are instead mostly a social phenomenon designed to ride your coattails, mine your networks, and get something for nothing. For these reasons and many more, as I said you damn well better be unbelievably good at saying "no" to the vast majority of these really great opportunities. Offered opportunities ARE however an acknowledgment that you are at the peak of your career, that you are providing consistent value in your field, that you have something important to consider. 

So while being bombarded with opportunities is a standing ovation kind of experience, the wise will be super selective and say "no thank" you to the majority of them . . . so that you can keep producing the awesome stuff that got you to this point in the first place.

The central coast effect

The central coast effect

When I got into the car to drive to the airport it was 8 degrees Fahrenheit. It was so cold that the defroster button was frozen so tightly that I could not get it to work. The horn was frozen and it wouldn't work. Thank God the car actually started and got me to the airport so that I could go somewhere 50 degrees warmer!

Now three beautiful warm days later, I have to head back to the colder weather, but at least I got a great reprieve from the harsh winter weather. This is what I am mentally referring to as "the central coast effect" or another way to say it is change the story you are telling yourself or a third version could be, let's change this tune so that we can have a mental restart and do something beautiful.

We need these "mental weekend trips" away on a regular basis, so that we can see and experience all that is the now in vivid sharp accurate immediacy. We can be all present if we don't feel like we are stuck forever in a frozen wasteland. As Earl is fond of saying, "everyday is beautiful at my age" so too is the beauty of the central coast effect in mid-winter. 

Proud of the wrong things

Proud of the wrong things

Society and culture can be a confusing experience. We are conditioned to be proud of how busy we are, how hard we push ourselves, how little sleep we get, how much we can drink, how much we can accomplish on the least amount of resources.

I don't know about you, but when I do any single one of the things listed above, it has only negative consequences, except for the humble-bragging rights. Those are not the things we should be proud of at all. Instead . . . 

Today I am flying to work as is my standard custom, but I feel strong and invigorated because I precisely HAVEN'T done any of the things listed above. I limit my work on purpose, I Protect The Asset (ME!) from pushing too hard, I slept 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night. I did not drink anything for the last week. I make sure I have the resourcing to accomplish the tasks I need to do. So I am cranking it out and getting it done and changing the world precisely because I am proud of all the "wrong" things, which are really are all the right things!

Foggy days

After a great party last night for a friend's 41 birthday, it was deadly difficult to get up at 2:30 am this morning for the rush to the airport for my early early EARLY flight. But I did. It's the adult thing to do, you know, that whole go to work thingy. But I am certainly a little foggy today. 

And not only me, it was so foggy outside this morning that I could hardly find my car! And no that was/is an actual weather phenomenon not a metaphor for my mental struggles today. That was in the previous paragraph. But I digress, it was actually so foggy this morning, that I was pretty sure my flight was going to be canceled which often happens here. (And I would have happily drove back home and went right back to bed!) A few years ago the airport was closed almost every day for a six week fog extravaganza! But alas, since the plane I am currently riding in arrived last night BEFORE the fog arrived, we had something to ride the friendly skies with this morning, and the fog has never been a problem for the planes taking off, only landing.

So my flight flew, and so have I. And now I have a lovely 6 hour layover in Vienna before heading to Naples, and then a bus and then a train, and if all continues to go well I will arrive at my destination, at my hotel some 18 hours after getting up at 2:30 for the rush to the airport. All in a foggy day's work.

All the snowy travel places I have been

All the snowy travel places I have been

I am currently in Zagreb on my way home after a great week of work in Bosnia. But it is snowing like mad outside and my flight is questionable. As I was standing outside watching it snow, all the airports and bus stations I have been over the years in snow storms watching it come down in buckets and wondering if I will get home or not came back to me.

First of all were the years we lived in Central Canada. There we lived in the coldest temps we have ever experienced and there were a number of ice/snow/cold travel experiences. The worst one was when I had to go down to Minot, ND to pick up Brenda's mom from the airport so that she could be there with us for Jake's birth. It was in the -35 to -40 degrees below zero range, and the defroster in the car could never manage more than a small circle of cleared glass on the windshield even with the defroster on high the entire trip.

Then were the years we lived in Russia, where snow removal was iffy at best and de-icing non-existent. Those were some hairy flights, take-offs and landings. And many a bus trip and the waiting for a taxi or tram were done in the falling snow for hours.

And then the last 18 plus years in the former Yugoslavia. I have lost count how many days and hours I have waited and waited and waited to find out if we were flying out or not. Tonight is just another one, in a long series of such events in the life of an International worker living abroad in cold climates. But eventually I will get home, even if I have to wait until Spring.

Zagreb work days

Zagreb work days

It seems that I get laid over in Zagreb at least once every year for an extended time. Between the last time this happened and today, hell they went and built a new airport!! The arrivals hall alone is bigger than the last airport altogether. Now I sit here at Nero Coffee enjoying space, time, quiet (before was always so crowded and noisy and intrusive) the warm sun on my back, a fine coffee, an excellent apple strudel, and free WiFi. Now if I were only well rested, it would be an ideal working day. In the past this airport was so crowded I would go to the nearest hotel and pay the day rate so that I could get some work done.

This layover is not quite long enough for that, but I am not sure that it is even needed. This ambience works just fine for 3-4 hours. So I am traveling light and fast, only a Timbuktu messenger bag for the three day trip to Bosnia. A few shirts, clean undies, a few socks, a few cigars, an iPad and couple of phones, and I can conquer the world of travel and client work.

Now if I could only resolve the Brenda Earl Asia conundrum I would be a rock star. That will be what I work on after I finish writing this short blog. THAT requires a great deal of thinking, and then, a great deal more thinking. Ah Zagreb work days at their best.

I am not desperate anymore

This was a statement made by the son of one of my clients recently. It reflects the years of work I have put into this family and indeed, they are not desperate any longer. They are developing leaders hand over fist, they are expanding their ministry and extending their reach by their investment in others - just like I have in them.

I too, am no longer desperate. Desperation is the condition of working in an environment of scarcity. It is a lack of all that you need to move forward and succeed, and can be caused by the lack of vision and understanding of you the individual, or the weakness of the organization that you work with, creating a too narrow understanding of what is important and what is possible. It is a terrible way to live and lead.

Abundance thinking and abundance actions are the polar opposite. You understand that you have all that you need or actually could ever want or use effectively, but you have to grasp what you could not see before, take what you did not believe to be available before, develop what you attract with your character and vision and the very compelling nature of what kind of giver and developer you are with others. Live in abundance.

Cross throwing

Cross throwing 

Today is a holy day here, the annual cross throwing day. This is the day when crowds gather in the center of town and the Pope literally throws a cross into the freezing cold waters of the Vardar river from a bridge right in the center of town. Then with the TV cameras whirling, people literally jump into the freezing cold rushing water all vying to retrieve the cross. All kinds of good stuff is supposed to happen to the person who retrieves it. All the other swimmers who are freezing to near death, all the onlookers who are freezing while watching this spectacular display of desperation, all of them go home with nothing except maybe frostbite.

I like my version of the cross better, where all who come are welcome, all win the grace and mercy and forgiveness of the Savior who gave everything so that all could benefit on that death instrument. There is no competition here, no better or lesser saints, no faster or slower recipients, all who show up at the cross and confess, receive. There is no respecter of class, wealth, need or swimming ability at play here.

What you should care about, and not care about

I read thousands of RSS feeds every year. It is where I mine for bitcoin, . . . uh huh, I mean I mine for insight and information and tools to help my clients move forward in their leadership development. I have noticed a number of trends over the years and one that is becoming clearer and clearer is personal optimization as the actual goal of development material being written about out in the wild.

But leadership is about helping others move forward. We need leaders to help us navigate the difficult and complex, not the easy. So development from where I am sitting/standing is more about character and skills and empathy and learning, than it is about optimization.

Personal optimization leads us down the wrong path, it is the wrong direction I think. It is in the words of Mark Manson a sickness. He says it like this " . . . you will feel that you’re perpetually entitled to be comfortable and happy at all times, that everything is supposed to be just exactly the . . . way you want it to be. This is a sickness. And it will eat you alive. You will see every adversity as an injustice, every challenge as a failure, every inconvenience as a personal slight, every disagreement as a betrayal. You will be confined to your own petty, skull-sized hell, burning with entitlement and bluster, running circles around your very own personal Feedback Loop from Hell, in constant motion yet arriving nowhere." (From his book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" p.13)

You don't want to live in this place. Instead you want to make a difference, to matter, to accomplish the important, the lasting, the sustainable change that will help others move forward. Care about this, rather than about your own personal optimization. It will make all the difference in someone's life.

The saddest of days

The saddest days

The saddest days are when your family flies away again. A life of goodbyes. It was a great visit, which is awesome and terrible. Awesome because it was great to have them here and awesome to spend time with them day after day, to have the house filled with noise and laughter once again. Terrible because it was awesome, and it had to end. Thankful, but sad. A life of goodbyes.

The saddest days are when you can't get that terrible day out of your mind when your niece called and told you that you brother was gone forever. So thankful for the days and years that we had with him, but everything is changed forever because he is no longer with us. Thankful but sad. A life of goodbyes.

The saddest days are when you realize once again that you won't ever hear your mother laugh again, the loveliest of sounds. She too is gone. Thankful for all the years we had together, but sad there won't be any more. A life of goodbyes.

I am weary of goodbyes, and have been for a long while. The saddest of days. Here is hoping for when and that we can be together again.

Should I let this dream job go?

Should I let this dream job go?

It wouldn't be the first time. I have already let one dream job go. Best. Decision. Ever.

For a number of decades I was a pastoring various churches, I know I know, you can't imagine me doing that, and neither can I any longer. But I was, and the last one was perfect. Few problems, low maintenance, highly intelligent, very appreciative, wonderfully supportive, and overall a perfect church (yes they actually do exist, although extremely rare I admit) to lead. I got to do all the pieces I am best at, and very few of the pieces I suck at doing. Like I said, a dream job. I walked away.

Yep, I walked away from the dream job/perfect church, and have been offered much money since leaving five years ago, to return as leader. Not even remotely interested. Because I was coasting. And that is death.

Now I currently have a second dream job, one that I am even better at than I am at leading perfect churches! Few ever get one dream job and I have had two! Now I am seriously thinking about walking way from this one. Because its coasting again. And that is death.

Most people are looking for the perfect job where you can coast on your strengths and look amazing all the time. But folks you need pressure, cliffs, danger, failure, explosions, mistakes, to stay sharp and keep growing! Being stretched (which often translates into being scared!) and at risk of serious failure is necessary to a healthy growing developing person. No I am not an adrenaline junkie . . . very much. Coasting can be great after a long periods of highly stressful living, but if you stay there long, you go stale or worse, just existing, and that is death.

If you don't believe me, then read this https://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/how-to-stop-seeing-struggle-as-something-negative/