I come to the states about 3-4 times a year to look in on my dad and spend some time with him. That also facilities me not only spending some quality time with him but catching up on the chores around the farm place that are now beyond his physical abilities. They are many times beyond mine too! Needless to say, I have sweated a great deal since arriving a few days ago.
But coming here means that I visit my mom's grave site each visit too. The cemetery is always a peaceful place, well manicured and orderly, beautiful vistas and little to no noise for obvious reasons. Yet it is never a very peaceful experience for my heart. I imagine that missing her is a very normal experience, but it is not peaceful. The jagged hole her absence leaves in our lives is unrelenting.
Loss like this is something that everyone experiences eventually if they live long enough. However I think that the individual process is different for each person. And the closer you are to the person the more powerful the distress can be. My experience when my grandparents passed away was and is far less traumatic to my soul than my mom, and my brother's passing has been. I don't like this stage of life very much and find myself sorely unprepared for it in most every way.
This is in memory of, or at least I am thinking about all the losses in the last two years alone; Donna, Dale, Josie, Tracy, Malcolm, Coach, Susie, Darla Jean, Dr Peyton, Doug . . . way too many funerals, each making life tougher and more precious at the same time. You and I have this one wild beautiful life, and what are we going to do with it?
But coming here means that I visit my mom's grave site each visit too. The cemetery is always a peaceful place, well manicured and orderly, beautiful vistas and little to no noise for obvious reasons. Yet it is never a very peaceful experience for my heart. I imagine that missing her is a very normal experience, but it is not peaceful. The jagged hole her absence leaves in our lives is unrelenting.
Loss like this is something that everyone experiences eventually if they live long enough. However I think that the individual process is different for each person. And the closer you are to the person the more powerful the distress can be. My experience when my grandparents passed away was and is far less traumatic to my soul than my mom, and my brother's passing has been. I don't like this stage of life very much and find myself sorely unprepared for it in most every way.
This is in memory of, or at least I am thinking about all the losses in the last two years alone; Donna, Dale, Josie, Tracy, Malcolm, Coach, Susie, Darla Jean, Dr Peyton, Doug . . . way too many funerals, each making life tougher and more precious at the same time. You and I have this one wild beautiful life, and what are we going to do with it?
