Well I admitted readily enough yesterday that there are moments that it feels like I hate God or at the least I hate what He requires of me. So the typical question is why keep doing this?
Well it is a good question and one I wish had a simple answer to . . . its much like the mother who gives up the child that she loves, for the good of the child not thinking too much about the loss that the child's absence will cause the parent. Miroslav Volf speaks about this in his latest book Free of Charge . . . you should read this book.
Some would argue that God allows/permits me to struggle in my hate/need relationship with Him and that this leads to real love and devotion. I am not sure that God permitting/allowing me to admit my struggle with Him has anything to do with me in the least.
It seems that it is merely part of His nature, not some special allowance He is granting me. It is as natural for God to give and forgive as it is for a fish to swim, and the wind to blow. I don't think God sits around gauging our every nuance and motive . . . it seems much more plausible that it just flows from Him. For that I am very grateful.
This is why I need Him so much, because I am so not like that at all. On the other hand, nor is it reasonable to think that I will ever become like Him in any significant manner. This is one area where the West and the East are in opposite ends of the theological perspective. In the West I have always been taught that one of the primary goals of the spiritual journey is to become like Jesus. People from the East laugh at such sentiments. They consider God to be such Other that me becoming like Him is like much more difficult than me flying to Mars tomorrow with my own wings. There is a greater chance of me becoming the president of the United States of America as the Green Party candidate, than me becoming Christ-like. What complete arrogance on our part!
So in the end does God understand my angst? Well of course He does, He is God. Does He have much patience for my silly hatreds and resistance? I don't know, but will soon probably find out.
2 comments:
God both commends and commands our love and obedience, of course. But He really requires our engagement. Wrestling with Him, as Jacob. Shaking our fist at him, as Job. The final requirement is to maintain contact; keep Him in the room with us. Let the mighty cycles of conflict and resolution work themselves out.
Just my opinion!
I love you, man!
Don H.
David,
For some reason your blog doesn't show up the ecommunity anymore. This may be accidental or it may be with purpose. Either way I hope that you link it back to there either way because that is how I keep track of your new posts and read them everyday.
Jerry
Post a Comment