You can generally spot an America here from 5 blocks away. And you can often hear them before you can see them. But when you see them (them being American Christians fresh off the boat, er . . . plane) they usually are smiling like nobody’s business. The problem is that in the East, people don’t smile, especially in public.
Even missional people can fall into the “I-have-to-have-a-Jesus-smile-on-my-face-if-I-am-a-real-christian” syndrome. Recently I had one of my Croatian students address this issue in one of her papers that she was writing for me. Renata said:
I need to point to the most common question American missionaries ask "Why are people so depressed here, and how come they are spending so much time in cafes?“ I have a contra question for the missionaries "How can you be smiling all the time, apparently showing interest in people while remaining so reserved?"
Renata saw right to the heart and truth of the matter, that we Western Christians are apparently happy and living correctly at the surface, but that we rarely share what is going on inside of us with others - in other words, we rarely if ever live in true fellowship with others, i.e. no koinonia.
Christians in this part of the world find this to be very depressing. The lack of depth in our Western relationships is an anathema here. Far better to be sad, depressed, down and real than to be smiling and outwardly happy with no true friends.
Of course this is a generalization of Westerners, but one we all will agree has deep substance. Anyone who has been a pastor for any length of time, will quickly tell you that the number one problem with most folks is that they don’t have deep and significant relationships with others outside their nuclear family. Christians here find such persons to generally be the depressing smiling American.
Even missional people can fall into the “I-have-to-have-a-Jesus-smile-on-my-face-if-I-am-a-real-christian” syndrome. Recently I had one of my Croatian students address this issue in one of her papers that she was writing for me. Renata said:
I need to point to the most common question American missionaries ask "Why are people so depressed here, and how come they are spending so much time in cafes?“ I have a contra question for the missionaries "How can you be smiling all the time, apparently showing interest in people while remaining so reserved?"
Renata saw right to the heart and truth of the matter, that we Western Christians are apparently happy and living correctly at the surface, but that we rarely share what is going on inside of us with others - in other words, we rarely if ever live in true fellowship with others, i.e. no koinonia.
Christians in this part of the world find this to be very depressing. The lack of depth in our Western relationships is an anathema here. Far better to be sad, depressed, down and real than to be smiling and outwardly happy with no true friends.
Of course this is a generalization of Westerners, but one we all will agree has deep substance. Anyone who has been a pastor for any length of time, will quickly tell you that the number one problem with most folks is that they don’t have deep and significant relationships with others outside their nuclear family. Christians here find such persons to generally be the depressing smiling American.
4 comments:
As soon as I read this,I immediately thought of Ted Haggard, who was constantly smiling whenever I saw him (I used to go to his church for four years but left well before the scandal broke). Even as the scandal was unfolding, he answered reporters' questions with a broad smile on his face. I found it rather unnerving. So I wonder if he felt under pressure to smile all the time like the Christians you describe. I've seen some believers smile gloriously when breaking really bad news to people, and I could never understand how they could smile in a situation like that. I once heard of a Christian who said, "There's no such thing as a bad day when you're a Christian." I wonder if this person would tell that to Christians who are being beaten and tortured for their faith.
It really is depressing to be under so much pressure to appear happy.
I'm blessed to have many relationships that are deep or potentially so, but it is a risk. Telling the truth and looking less than perfect is always the price tag, but I find when you pay it, you are so free. The greatest struggle I have now, being involved in recovery ministry, is seeing the smiling faces in "regular church" as unreal or hypocritical. I know that's wrong, but I really feel most at home with admittedly broken folks.
One female inmate in a group I share with admitted, when women are inside, they band together, but outside, they attack each other. The need for honest, healthy and real relationships is the single greatest factor in how well an addicted person heals, or anyone, I think. I just don't know if these women would feel at home in a church setting.
p.s. One more comment...we have a little female cat that is the most unashamed receiver of affection I've ever witnessed. She loves to be petted and held, will lay on her back if anyone comes near her and meows for company on occasion. I think it is hard for Americans especially to admit how much they need loving affection-we're taught to be very independent and self-sufficient. Other cultures freely embrace and kiss more than we, or cry.
One distinction that should be made is joy vs. happiness. We are commanded to be joyful (1Thes. 5:16). This does not mean we all need to be bubbly-happy all the time. This is superficial and deceptive. (Something American adults are very good at-- how come everybody is always "good" even when you know they really aren't?)
I agree that "bad days don't exist when you're a Christian" with the caveat that you look at it with a kingdom perspective. If we truly believe that all things work together for good (Rom. 8:28) what would a bad day look like? Sure there will be days when we're sick, sad, or what-not but as Paul says in Romans 8 how can we compare it to the glory that awaits us? It’s all perspective. Are we looking at life for the next week or eternity?
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