I confess . . . most days I want to escape rather than engage. I find it much more comfortable to sit back and pee and moan about all that is wrong about evangelicalism and the emerging post-evangelical movements, than it is to engage either of them. I want to see change, but cynicism and weariness crowd out my energy to be creative and helpful in the change process.
Birthing something new and dynamic is hard hard work. I wonder often if I have the reserves and sustainability at 44 years of age to affect real change any longer. Change for change’s sake doesn’t interest me in the least, but necessary life-giving change still peaks my interest. But I find myself expending so much de-constructive energy that I have little left to engage at key intervals that might prove more positive in terms of results.
I have been asking myself why this is today. The conclusion that I reached wearied me more. Terminal disappointment in leadership, coupled with a complete unwillingness to step into those leadership roles myself, creates a impenetrable forcefield that holds me locked in this unbearable emotional malaise that frustrates and negates real progress.
I need a new paradigm of perspective. I need some of my wife’s optimism. I need some of that PollyAnna in my attitude and heart. I need a vacation.
Birthing something new and dynamic is hard hard work. I wonder often if I have the reserves and sustainability at 44 years of age to affect real change any longer. Change for change’s sake doesn’t interest me in the least, but necessary life-giving change still peaks my interest. But I find myself expending so much de-constructive energy that I have little left to engage at key intervals that might prove more positive in terms of results.
I have been asking myself why this is today. The conclusion that I reached wearied me more. Terminal disappointment in leadership, coupled with a complete unwillingness to step into those leadership roles myself, creates a impenetrable forcefield that holds me locked in this unbearable emotional malaise that frustrates and negates real progress.
I need a new paradigm of perspective. I need some of my wife’s optimism. I need some of that PollyAnna in my attitude and heart. I need a vacation.
1 comment:
ENGAGE, ENGAGE!! I feel the same way sometimes. As a church planter it would be easier to just spend a bunch of money sending out mailings and doing tv commercials like everyoneelse, but that would betray my own philosophies of ministry. I must keep going because it is what I believe in.
Good post.
Post a Comment