Sleepwalking

I did not miss the irony that this post following the one entitled Rest, is Sleepwalking :-) . . . however . . . 

Too many days I can find myself sleepwalking through life. I don’t want to do this for even one single day ever. When I find that I am drifting along, and it is getting more and more difficult to focus throughout the day, then I am falling into sleepwalking. I am embracing ALL that could possibly be done, rather than focusing on and celebrating that which is most important to be done. I means I gotta resharpen my “no” and eliminate all the noise in life. I cannot do it all. Shouldn’t even try at this stage of my life, because i know far far too well that I can and must do few things well, and the payoff is clarity. No more sleepwalking!

Rest

A much overlooked aspect of PTA and DTA is rest. I am not talking only about the over advertised part sleep plays in this subject, but just rest as a central part of a healthy life. Far too many people start to scratch their heads at this point, because they have no idea what I am talking about. They are so overrevved and overclocked that rest is something no longer remember from their childhoods. 

I am currently on a rest. I am at the beach with all my children and grandchildren and nieces and their kids, as well as my parent, and even my brother's ex-wife! I know I know, that does not sound restful at all. But it is, because I am not emailing, video-conferencing, twittering, facebooking, browsing, studying, reading, or working at all. Instead I am having great conversations with my adult children, telling stories to my grandchildren, getting a tons of hugs, body-surfing the waves (and yes I am so sore I can barely move - priceless) listening to my son howl with laughter (this is something everyone should experience in their lifetime) and listening to the huge roar of the winning team in any particular game, no TV's are on (there are 7 of them in this huge condo), no one is sitting around staring at their phone, ok very little compared to normal, and this my friends is rest. Not to mention the hours of sitting on the balcony watching the storms, sunsets and sunrises while rocking in a chair. This my friends is rest.

Too much

Jon Wortmann writes that we are far far far too . . . everything. Our brains are simply not wired to stay engaged all all all the time. He points out that in the military when someone is on point, they rotate out every half hour, because few people can consistently focus intently for more than 40 minutes at a time without a break.

But most people in the West are living at the ragged edge, and their kids schedules are even worse! And we are constantly available to the entire world with our phones and the internet. We are so drained and focus depleted that we have nothing left. Work and the important things like love, relationships and living get the dregs that might remain. Add our constant movement from one place to another, along with the constant distraction of email, text and YouTube, then, well you get the picture, you live this life.

The problem with our global economy, political uncertainty, and reactive media is that too many of us are living at our edges. We work hard. Our kids’ schedules make us look like our schedules are calm. We play a lot. We travel constantly. We are on our phones frenetically. This means that our brains are always paying attention to something—until they can’t.

It is time to return to a more sane life, to regularly unplug and disconnect and have margin in our lives. This requires us to have a come-to-Jesus intervention in our schedules and expectations. Our mental health and our productivity demand that we do so. Let’s pace ourselves for the long haul, and a haul that produces more than frenetic movement and busyness, which by no one’s calculation is necessarily progress nor accomplishment.

You can read more of what Jon wrote here.

DTA

Those who are well read in the leadership and personal development fields are likely well versed in Greg McKeown and Essentialism - the diligent pursuit of less but better. One of the amazing ideas he espouses is PTA, Protect The Asset, and the asset is you! 

This is a wide ranging idea that covers everyone, no matter what your work, life and circumstances are like. If you have a high stress job that keeps you crippled and overextended, then PTA is the idea of making space and margin in that chaos so that you don’t burn out and and so that you can bring your best self to the work each day. If you have a high freedom job, like I do, then PTA takes a different bent.

As I was talking with a good friend/client today, it occurred to me in the middle of our conversation about PTA and the people we seek to develop, that a different acronym may serve us better - DTA - Develop The Asset, which once again is you and me. This idea came about as we were discussing that the key to successful development of others is development of yourself.

Read that sentence again. It is the crucial fulcrum of development, that I am developing me. This requires all kinds of intentionality and processes. As I wrote in my previous post about the Genuinely Wealthy, freedom to develop myself each day is real wealth. You can’t develop others if you aren’t moving forward yourself.

Genuinely wealthy

There are many many ways to calculate wealth. Most people just count the money. But honestly money does not equal wealth, at least not in my world. I have come to redefine wealth in terms of freedom. “Money pays the bills, but being able to control my own schedule and not miss out on family time is priceless.” That is true wealth in my world and in my understanding.  There are so so many ways to calculate wealth rather than with money alone.

First of all are the benefits that my current life brings me. The best perk is being able to define what I do and with whom and for how long. When I left my previous parent organization, this became one of the defining perks - that I no longer had to work with people I don’t like or care for or who are disgustingly negative with regularity. I get to work with the people that I can argue with yet not lose relationship over things, and that I enjoy. Best Benefits - the time to work out each day and develop myself each day and to invest in me each day. This alone is worth a 50% percent cut in pay, because the value is worth is 200%. Quite the payoff in my opinion.

Even though it is still 94 degrees on the balcony, I get to sit here and think and write and work on stuff that is important to ME. How do you put a price on that kind of stuff? You can’t, because it is more than a number in terms of what it means. I get to go to bed when I choose, I get to get up when I choose, I get to do what I want with whom I want each day, and that is worth more than any amount of money or financial compensation.

The genuinely wealthy don’t measure their lives in a a dollar figure. They measure their lives in advantages and benefits, and in non-monetary kinds of ways every day.

Enamel burning

There is nothing quite like the smell and taste of burning enamel, the kind of enamel that is on your teeth. In America, they numb you up so much that all you can do is vaguely get a small whiff of what is actually occurring in your mouth as they drill on your teeth. But here in Eastern Europe, four cavities filled with no novocain or pain relief of any sort, the smell and taste was keen and sharp. That was a two hour trip to hell today. I left the seat completely soaked and a puddle of stress sweat in my wake today. I had to come home and take a couple of hours to find my equilibrium again. Which included an hour long nap! Which I never do any more! That was probably my first nap in over three years, maybe longer. My neck feels like some hit me with a large hammer, and that I may never recover. I am such a wimp I know, but I totally had to come home and change every single piece of clothing today. These are the few times in my life where I miss North America.

It clings to you

Today I read, “... grief didn’t work that way. You couldn’t squash it out or get over it. You just had to get through it, but it was like a spider’s web. It clung to your skin.” So very accurate. It just clings to you and you never know how it may work itself out on a particular day. 

Yesterday was my brother’s birthday. He would have been 53 years old. I am appalled at how much that stumped me yesterday. How much that stopped me in my tracks. I had to take a long day to just grieve. So many lost moments and opportunities and moments of LIFE.  To just understand that I am alive and he is not and just be ... I am unaccustomed to giving myself so much compassion and space to just feel. It is hard to be patient with myself and let me grieve his going, and the hole that presents us in the fabric of life. 

It is not something you get over or around, just through. It clings and bites and hurts and costs and just is. Why does no one ever talk about the price that comes with grief? What it demands and what it takes? There is no calculator that can compute what price it extracts. I am not angry, just more lost than anything else. Just wish I could sleep through it all and wake up from this terrible nightmare.

When I am the first person on an early morning ride up the mountain, I catch all the webs that the spiders have spun across the road. This clings like that, nothing you can do about it but go through. 

pace and luxury

I have noticed something wonderful in the last three weeks, that my pace of work and life has coalesced into the perfect luxury. I can write! That is such a wonderful piece of life! But what I mean is that I am just busy enough that I can still write!!

Did I tell you what a great gift that is for me? It is awesome. It means that I have found the perfect rhythm, the precisely correct amount of work and tasks and activity to be my very best. The exact amount of focus and time and effort to produce the most amazing pieces. Everything has fallen in The Zone.

The best possible synergy of all things balance and life and work. The right amount of emails, video chats, calls and SMS to get done in a day. The right amount of demands and productivity to strike the perfect storm of production every day. This pace is a luxury unrivaled. Of course I am going to Ukraine next week and it will be wrecked once again. Then I am going to the States and staying with my dad and it will be a disaster once again, but this pace does actually exist. It is The Zone, that I can always strive for and toward. It will let me know when I am there, where work feels effortless and freeing and stress-free. Do you know what your right pace feels like?

This means that I say “no” pretty much to everything else that comes my way, regardless how sexy or awesome the opportunity sounds. The decisions you make about your life work and the important pieces of your life (not the urgent or loud pieces) need to be made in the cold abstract of deep thinking, not in the moment when the board is selling you on becoming their next CEO. And for clarity’s sake, I have been offered multiple CEO and other sexy positions of large power and money, and it takes me about 5 seconds to say no, because I have already decided what is important to me and life. This is not a missed opportunity, it is intentionally avoiding a horrible humongous distraction. 

July flies

As I am sitting out on my balcony enjoying a fine Dominican Republic cigar at the end of a 96 degree July day, seeing the mountain ranges to the West, and thinking about what a great month this has been, I remembered the July flies from my youth in rural Georgia. They are better known perhaps as annual cicadas which emerge in late July or early August.

I came around to thinking about those boyhood sounds and insects because I will be heading back to Georgia in a week and will be hearing them again. But that prompted me to reflect on how this month has flown by - July flies indeed. This is significant at the moment, in this cycle of life, as I have had one of the most productive months of the last 15 months, - because of deaths, weddings and the challenges of those life events.

Writing blogs is a great way for me to measure how productive I have been, because it requires time and space and the right mindset in order to write. And I have written more blogs this month, than at any point in the last three years. While they may not have been the best blogs I have written, they have certainly flew off the digital page so to speak. With my return to the States and living in the situation with my dad, this will come to a close.

That is not bad, it just is one of the realities of sharing my dad’s twilight years with him. No full attention to my thoughts and no deep work is possible, and again I state, that is not bad, because I know that I can still produce my best stuff given the right setting and opportunities. Something I was no longer positive was true after all the holes were torn into the fabric of our family these past 15 months. (I in fact wrote quite a few more than I published).

Writing blogs requires two things: the margin in which to order one’s thoughts, and the important work and experiences each day to make putting those events down in writing significant. Both are more complicated than that, yet that simple at the same time.

So yes . . . July flies . . . and has flown.

Missile avoidance??

I have to confess that although I have lived in some hairy places around the world, this was an approach like no other I have ever experienced. We were flying along, descending from cruising altitude like normal, when suddenly the plane drops to about 300 meters off the ground and begins a series of S maneuvers like I have never experienced. Either the pilot was drunk, or, the pilot was a proud Ukrainian and he wanted to give us incredible multi-G-force views of Ukrainian agricultural practices, or, the pilot was hugging the ground avoiding the Russian radar just down the road and taking no chances on meeting an incoming missile since they have already shot down one plane. My bet is on the last option, it is the only one that makes sense given the military action in the region. 

Then there was the end, which far more resembled a crash than a landing. I thought the pregnant woman in my row was gonna give birth immediately. I am not sure I have ever gone through a more painful and sudden landing in my long years of flying (over 40 years). 

Of course no information was given to us, and this is pure speculation, but it was definitely a landing approach I will never forget! 

The problem of no boundaries

Most Americans who grew up in the church will immediately think of moral boundaries or ethical behavior when reading this title, and we absolutely need those. That goes without saying. But I am more addressing the infinite possibilities that the world affords us today. I find this to be one of the most pressing personal challenges of almost every leader I work with in Europe, Asia and North America.

We have almost boundless choices and endless options. The possibilities that this creates for us in our work and life are astonishing. We love having choices. We can live amazing realities with all these choices. But all these exhausting options and flexibility is also The Problem. Because you have to CHOOSE. And if you choose poorly (to quote an Indiana Jones movie) you lose. You lose all the other possibilities and options that the other choices would have afforded you.

This, my friends, is the horrible conundrum of the modern world. So so so many choices . . . this we generally perceive as a great thing . . . but we have to choose, and this we generally perceive to be a bad thing.

There are in fact so many options, that I find ordering food at a restaurant in the States to be an extremely exhausting experience. And those aren’t even important choices! The choices I make about life and love and work and meaning and eternity are the critical ones, they convey all the significance of a life well lived, or all the regrets of one poorly lived.

As Eric Barker says, “You have to make a decision. The world will not draw the line. You must. You need to ask What do I want? Otherwise you’re only going to get what they want.”

OW?

This is my organizational handle. Everyone calls me this! In my previous parent organization, my name could split a room, divide a group, foster a new schism, create anger and chaos faster than Satan himself. In my new (well nine years now is no longer new, but since I spent 23 years with the previous org. this one still feels new) organization, I am the ambassador of peace, the bringer of wisdom, the force of stability and dependability for the entire network.

What changed? Well the pool changed, and my fish looks very different in this pool than in my previous pool. I did change some, but not much. I am still the same old salty dog crusty and unfriendly as ever. But how did I ever obtain the designation of OW - Obi Wan Kenobi? The famed Jedi master from the first Star Wars film? Only Yoda has more swagger than Obi Wan Kenobi! 

It is incredibly important to be in the right pool. As Eric Barker states in his book “Barking up the wrong tree, ” . . . but sometimes an ugly duckling can be a swan if it finds the right pond. The thing that sets you apart, the habits you may have tried to banish, the things you were taunted for in school, may ultimately grant you an unbeatable advantage.” 

Changing ponds/pools did not make me a better missionary or pastor or person. But it did completely and totally change my role within the organization. Maybe after you have tried everything for decades to make it work well, you have to change the pool to be a different fish.  May the Force be with you.

Something fixed something broken

Well it is Saturday and I am working hard at not working. Does that make sense?  Honestly relaxing is hard work, or effort, finding the way to just BE is so . . . seems to take so much energy! Clearly I need more practice and more success. Mostly I just need to chill I guess.

So lets write about it, that has to be good therapy, and good practice. So as I laid out my day to relax and chill, I had planned to take off to the lake for the second half of the day, spend the night, do some serious bike riding and then return tomorrow. But after I finished my sports massage I came out and the car would not crank. Not a happy experience under any circumstances, but especially after the car had been in the shop for 10 days!!

Thank God there was a battery store not too far away and so I had a new one installed and off I go. Thought I should give the old car a good test run before packing up and heading out and low and behold, I had a brake caliper or something start to freeze up and make the most awful moaning sounds and then I could smell the brakes getting hot. Got it to release by pumping the brakes some and headed back to the apartment. Since it is a stick shift, I was able to do most of the braking on the way home by downshifting. And since it was Saturday afternoon, pretty much everything is closed until Monday. So no chance of repair until then. And going out of town is now not an option.

So I made the best of a day with all the plans down the toilet and it has been good. Not perfect, but good. Another great cigar and another great view. Thus I got a new battery, but I need new brakes. And I am blogging! Another day in the hairy armpit.



Undervaluing customers is underperforming

It is the end of a long week and a long day. The Renault Dealership has had my car for the last 10 days and basically did nothing to check the problems that the car has been having. I am a low priority customer, because I have an old old car, and I am a foreigner, and I use the car very little relative to other customers . . . but I am STILL a customer. A customer with cash and a future of business to deliver to you, if you treat me well. More importantly I drive other customers their direction, or not.

Plus I am a relaxed customer not bugging you endlessly to put me at the front of the line. A patient paying customer. At least call me and tell me what is going on with the service challenges that you are facing, or the parts problem that you have, or the lack of mechanics, or whatever the problem is . . . but don’t make me call and call and have you never answer the phone, or worse yet come over there repeatedly to see what and where we are with this process. 

Renault service has always underperformed somewhat, but this one was the straw that broke the future we could have had together. Someone else will get that business from now on.

So I am letting them go. Instead of worrying about it any longer, I am putting this all down on digital paper and out of my mind and enjoying a nice cigar on my balcony.



The threat of rain

It can change every plan. But should it? However it almost always does. I wish it hadn't. Wishing I had press through with my plans, suffered the chance of getting wet and cold, even the highly likely chance, would have been better than the change of plans, by the threat of rain. Life will always have such threats, just need to move ahead and bring the raincoat.

When your policies and procedures hurt you and your bottom line

I recently had an astounding discussion with my travel agent about changing my business class ticket for an upcoming trip. Due to the fluid nature of one of the companies I work with, I need to CANCEL the last two legs of this upcoming flight. In other words, I would have been happy to just get off the trip at the end of the first leg and not fly the last two flights all the way back to Skopje.

The company that I work with, would have then just booked me a separate flight to the board meeting in Malta and then on to Skopje afterwards. I was not asking for a refund or credit (though I gladly would have taken it, had it been offered). This potential change in plans would have saved the airline thousands of dollars by freeing up several business class seats on two different flights.

Instead, Lufthansa insisted that I pay 2500 euros in order to save them money, seats, labor and effort, by ending my return flight with them in Frankfurt!! So of course we are not going to take that option. Thus we set about just changing the flight to a single economy seat flight to Malta from Frankfurt, once again, saving them two business class seats/flights that they then could have sold to another customer. They only wanted 900 euros to effect this particular change!

Needless to say, we took none of these options. Lufthansa lost thousands of dollars by not working with me on this. I am sure this makes sense to someone somewhere, but for the life of me (and my client) we can’t figure it out at all. This makes no business sense in any way for a regular business in the for-profit sector. I understand that they have their policies and procedures, but Lufthansa costs me several grand last year with similar situations, when I was shuffling flights because of my brother’s death and my mom’s death. Made no matter to Lufthansa. This is not my idea of business agility or customer service.

The lesson I need to take away here is that I can choose policies and procedures and have all the SOP I want, but they should never be more important than the person who pays my bills and keeps me in business.

Only here? Probably not.

It is a most unfortunate experience, but one I have repeated over and over these past 23 years of living abroad, that the right hand has no idea what the left hand is doing, and here I am speaking of governments. I got caught today in another one of those political hamster wheels.

Each year we have to renew our visa’s. So each year we receive a new plastic social security card, with our pic on it. Each year they take that card away from us when we apply for a new one. And in-between these plastic card cycles, we get a white piece of paper that tells one and all, that we are completely legit legally here, etc etc. One of the parts of this annual lunacy is that we are required to purchase the national health care, and that is withdrawn from our local bank accounts each month.

This national health care process is super sporadic and unpredictable, with the bills coming sometimes months late, or sometimes months early, but you generally have about 3 days to pay them (i.e. rush to the bank and make sure there is enough money in there, and sign all the forms with a special teller for such matters at the bank). Then you are good. 

So as I mentioned I am in-between plastic cards, but I have the white slip of paper from the police, and this time the cycle is gonna be LONG between plastic social security cards, because the machine that makes them is broken. So what shows up? Right, the national health care forms for the months of Aug-Nov. I have three days in which to pay before the forms “expire”. So I go to the bank to pay them this morning, and guess what? Right again. The bank will not allow me to put money in the account, nor will they allow me to process the forms for the required health insurance without the plastic social security card. And of course I can’t get the plastic social security card without paying these national health care fees. The circle of government not at work.

A great quitter?

A great quitter?

I need to hone my quitting skills. But I need to do it in such a way that it brings more, not less. Let me explain.

In the book "Barking up the wrong tree" author Eric Barker states, "That’s one of the reasons we all feel so rushed, so tired, and like we’re not getting enough done or making enough progress. We all have only twenty-four hours in a day. Every day. If we use an hour for this, we’re not using it for that. But we act like there are no limits. When we choose an extra hour at work, we are, in effect, choosing one less hour with our kids. We can’t do it all and do it well. And there will not be more time later. Time does not equal money, because we can get more money."

So I need to quit sooner, to the things that give or produce less in order to give more to those actions which produce the best stuff. I need to hone my quitting skills. Part of this is realizing that I am a lazy butt canoe at the core, and that most of the things I need to quit quicker are the lazy ass things I fill my life with. 

Barker continues, "We always think we need more: more help, more motivation, more energy. But in our current world the answer is often the exact opposite: we need less. Fewer distractions, fewer goals, fewer responsibilities. Is that so we can watch more TV? No. We need less of those things so we can go all in on our priorities. The question is what are you going to do less of? What are you going to quit or say no to in order to make time for what matters most?"

Enough said.

The super people eater

The super people eater

These last four days have been people packed. For a mild introvert, it has been exhausting. But this is the only way to get the important stuff done in life and work, since I am also in the people business not just in the idea business. Insult to injury is that I have had no internet connection for the last three days and so all my idea work has been set aside completely and I have ONLY had people packed hours with no mitigating idea work along the way. The super people eater.

However this morning, I am sitting here on a beautiful patio in Munich with a fine cup of coffee, and a Bluetooth keyboard and iPhone (and yes the screen is a little small, but this is a travel lite trip) and the three kids haven't yet descended on me, and thus I can make some idea work time, and even have a decent ambience for it, and the minimum tools. I will connect with the World Wide Web all too soon.

So here I sit gnawing on how to help these folks move forward. They have a solid calling, a solid faith, more than decent hard skills, have raised the money and are now in Munich. But who to work with and in what ways? We have no history or network in Munich so we have to build it all from the ground up. They are going to succeed just fine, but I want to go big, and so need to think out how to help them do that well. Suck it up David and make it happen!

New beginnings, really Apple?

This is the first time I have traveled with the Apple keyboard and iPad Pro along with Apple Pencil, rather than my Logitech Keyboard and iPad Pro. The difference is that I had two Apple Bluetooth keyboard’s, but one hasn’t worked (pairing unsuccessful every time) for 3-4 years, and this one I kept as part of my laptop into desktop set up along with a monitor and trackpad, etc, etc. But I love the feel and form of these Bluetooth keyboards, and so on a whim, I decided to take the one that would not pair, to the iStyle store near me and see what it would cost to repair it.

Only with Apple does this kind of experience regularly occur with me and various repairs over the years . . . they are just gonna replace the old Bluetooth keyboard completely, even though it is long long out of warranty and I haven’t used it for at least three years, (since the keyboard I am typing on also has Thai characters on it, that tells me the latest time frame I could have purchased it)!!!!!!!

So the new beginnings are: trying out this new working setup, with this keyboard and pencil with this new iPad Pro, and I also am trying out a new “ebag” on this trip too, and I already have had one very positive experience with that new bag, in that I did not have to take out my iPad Pro during security! That was excellent! The only thing that I miss of the old setup at the moment is the ability to use the same keyboard with three different  devices, with just the press of one button. 

Now I am gonna try to switch to typing on my iPhone with this keyboard. Pretty certain that I have to pair it to the iPhone separately and that will mean it is no longer paired to this iPad Pro. . . . it was worse than that . . . I had to “forget this device” before it would show up on the second device as a possible Bluetooth device, and then once it did, pair it. Then again the whole process to go back to the iPad Pro with the keyboard. 

Other than that, so far this is a really smooth work setup. Will know better after 6 days on the road. Off to Berlin and Munich we go.