The vital few from the trivial many

This is a quest, worthy of a life. As Peter Drucker said so many times, it is the ability to say "no" that makes a person effective. It is only in the "no" that you are exercising your discernment that, "this" (whatever it may be) is not for you. It is not where you can make a significant contribution, it is not where you can make the biggest impact, it is not where you can be your best, it is not where you can change the world.

The primary marker of the modern world is choice. And the closer you are to the Western Core of that modernity, the more choices you face. My wife and I have live abroad for the last 20 years, and some times that included very remote places around the world. There are few choices in those places. But in the technology heavy West, the rich rich West (regardless how poor those citizens feel and profess to be) they have an overwhelming number of choices. The most powerful among us are those who learn the skills to say "no" and to separate the vital few from the trivial many (this phrase as well as these core ideas, I took from the book 'Essentialism" by Greg Mckeown).

This requires a number of disciplines, not the least of which is self confidence. Self confidence of a nature that allows you to stand in the face of immense social pressure. You will be choosing a far less trodden path than the many will be following. This level of self confidence is the product of mental and emotional discipline, and can include scholastic or experiential or spiritual disciplines as well. It also needs a risky heart, that is determined to maximize this one short life while it is mine. Are you choosing the vital few, or the trivial many? What do you want to change in the world? What or who do you want to liberate from bondage? Where can your highest contribution be made? What inspires you? What need does this world have, that I possess? Can you resist all the noise of the trivial many, and identify the vital few objectives/tasks/goals/abilities/competencies/needs/ that you want your life to impact?

Epic moments

There are epic moments in life where a synergy of events and places and times all come together to provide you with magical memories, spectacular opportunities and/or wonderful unique unrepeatable experiences. Last evening was one of those for me.

I happened to be working in the capital city of one of the two countries vying to be the soccer champions of the entire universe. Germany versus Argentina in the final match of the 2014 World Cup! While this only gets marginal play in the USA, the rest of the world views this as the premiere sporting event that happens ever four years. It is far more than the regional championships, it is far more than the Olympics. It.is.the.World.Cup! Imagine 10 superbowls all happening at the same time, imagine the planets coming into perfect alignment, imagine the starship Enterprise showing up to take you to the next galaxy . . . yes it is on that epic scale.

So I get to watch this amazing event happen in Berlin of all places, at historic Potsdamer Platz, at the Cinemax theater with 500 rabid fans, no empty seats in the entire theater, and the only reason I was there instead of with the one million people (literally) surrounding the Brandenburg Gate, was that it was raining and I hate a cold cold rain (although I might have braved that if the USA had been playing). So I was able to procure one of the cherished tickets and had a wonderful seat in front of a huge screen, surrounded by so many excited raving German fans. It was two and a half hours of tension of the very best kind, and I made a great memory with great friends. Yeah, I am living a dream!

Fines and signs

I knew I was in trouble again, when I saw the police car backing up the highway on the opposite side of the barrier separating the lanes. Sure enough he backed up the whole two kilometers to the exit and jumped on and crossed over to my side. And then as certain as the sunrise, he pulled in behind me and hit the sirens and lights.

Now you need to understand that I am on a bicycle, and the policemen are in a new SUV. I am seriously outmatched here, or I might have tried to make a run for it. Riding a bicycle on the newest, nicest, least used, slice of asphalt in Macedonia is simply not permitted, if you are riding a bicycle. Mind you there is not a single sign anywhere, that prohibits it. There is not a law anywhere that prohibits it, just the police go rabid when they see my bike on the ring road around the city.

So I stop my bike, just to get him to cut the siren if for no other reason because it was damaging my eardrums. I am breathing hard, sweating like an overweight guy out in the desert, and the fat policeman rolls down his window and lets me feel the nice cool air conditioning from his SUV, and asks me why. Really? I am a 52 year old grandfather, riding as hard as I can in interval training on a hot sunny day, and you ask me why I am breathing hard and sweating? He tells me that it is forbidden to ride bicycles on the ring road. I point out there there are no such signs or markers anywhere that state that it is forbidden to ride a bicycle on the ring road. He tells me to go read it on the internet! I try to control my snort of disbelief. 

He begins the typical interrogation of "who are you?"and "what are you doing here?" and "how much money do you make? etc etc. I am well accustomed to such interrogations. He decides that I make enough money to pay the "fine" for having a bicycle on the ring road (which he quoted as $565!). I am incredulous! While this interrogation is taking place, lawbreakers where screaming past us regularly, as well as cars with damaged equipment and illegal passing, etc. etc. 

So I said, "let me get this right, you plan to fine me for a law that is not really a law and is posted no where anywhere, while watching these lawbreakers go whizzing by, clearly breaking all the POSTED signage?" He said "yes" just as a motorcycle tore pass us doing at least double the posted speed limit. I said "why don't you go stop that motorcycle and stop harassing me?" He says, "we can't catch him (haven't they ever heard of radios and roadblocks?) but we can catch you."

How can you argue with that?

Ponidealnichki

That is the word here for Monday in the adjectival form. When someone asks you how you are doing, you can answer Mondayish. Sometimes, Macedonian can be more descriptive than English. Today is one of those days.

A late start, and slow start, and work piling up, delays and decisions, important events happening in other countries and you have responsibilities there too, quick travel plans made to get there, while putting out a fire in another country in the other direction, part not yet here for the car repair, banking issues, money in the wrong account in the wrong country, people in need but limited resources available to apply, world cup in full swing but the game you really want to watch doesn't come on until midnight!, fishy requests for help, children of a church member in the hospital, worship practice has to be in our small apartment, a dinner long planned gets changed, the neighbors are playing music really really loud, the internet won't work properly when you are trying to talk to someone on the other side of the planet, the scales are not smiling today, and then someone else dumps a big problem in your lap, and one of your clients is facing a mutiny in church leadership, and the nationals you work with are shooting one of their own, but a really nice lunch with my wife. Yes its Mondayish.

Learning to love what you do? How about doing what you do?

I think it fascinating and providential that exactly one day after I wrote my last blog about loving what you do, rather than doing what you love, in the Harvard Business Review, there was this blaring headline, "Don't do what you love, do what you do." Charlotte Lieberman wrote a serious piece of real life, and very much along the lines of what I reported the day before. 

She found herself one year out of undergrad at Harvard, with lots and lots ideas and potential plans about what she loved doing, but instead working at a job/jobs she had never considered really. She quotes Miya Tokumitsu who remarked that DWYL (Do what you love) is the "the unofficial work mantra of our times." And that it is completely elitist and that only those in the upper echelons of society have the possibility of doing this as a general rule. They are the only ones in society that have the economic freedom to choose employment based on criteria other than opportunity and money.

As I read Lieberman's article, I have to admit that there was a part of me (a bigger part than I am comfortable admitting!) that wanted to reject her premise as wrong, that she was too young to make such assertions and that she was simply too inexperienced in life to make such bold statements of reality. But I was wanting the fantasy . . . she had already made the jump to most people's reality and real life. She argues convincingly and with a great deal of maturity that belies her years, that you can make most jobs meaningful if you are mindful of what you are about.

She nails the underlying issues with this statement, "But instead of trying to find complete congruence between our passions and our livelihoods, it is perhaps more productive simply to believe in the possibility of finding opportunities for growth and satisfaction at work, even in the midst of difficulties – a controlling boss, demanding clients, competition with your colleagues, insufficient boundaries between your work life and personal life." This is a person who is facing the real real, not a pampered debutante who expects financial compensation for that which she would likely do for free given the right circumstances. 

Honestly I cringe at my unwillingness to let the fantasy go, that I should both automatically get paid for doing what I love the most, that these two should ALWAYS go together. Part of what has fostered this in me, is reading. It seems that every single book I have read in the last 15 years has assumed that this is not only the ideal, but the destiny of every single person who can count to 100. My own very real experience and that of my clients should have clarified this much more for me, before now. You can read the article that Lieberman wrote here "http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/06/dont-do-what-you-love-do-what-you-do/"

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Learning to love what you do

Sebastian Klein over at Lifehacker/Fast Company had an interesting blog and a great point recently. He pointed out that for many people, changing careers and following your passions is not nearly as good of strategy as refining the skills you already have. 

As I have come to be in the Leadership business, many of my clients find themselves in changing jobs or their industry being downsized or their job being eliminated or themselves not being an ideal fit with their current organization. I resonate with this situation, having faced it myself some six years ago.

I learned the hard way how difficult it is to follow your passions while placing a roof over you head and putting food on the table. It is not that I cannot see ways to monetize my passions, it is much more that my experience and education limits the boundaries of how far I can stretch this particular bankability. It is a difficult wall to climb, a pulverizing realization that although much is written about doing what you love, the older you are when facing these types of situations, the more pinned in you may find yourself. The time and freedom and opportunities to change fields of work dwindle with age. 

My life (and yours) is a mosaic of jobs held and done (experience) and educational choices and history. That defines most of the possibilities on the horizon. I wanted to get out of the clergy/cross-cultural worker field and I wanted out badly. Burned out toast to the crispy max, I wanted something completely other. So I resigned the post that I held and left the parent group I had worked with for 23 years. My wife asked me what I REALLY wanted to do now? Don't laugh, but I told her that I wanted to repair motorcycles (that is the subject of a future blog perhaps!). So I resigned, and started researching motorcycle repairing.

I know, the smart way to have done it (if it can indeed be done) would have been to line up all the necessary parts and pieces of this change in vocational industry BEFORE I left my paying job. But that only seems to happen to hard core planners or gypsies who can foresee the future. Mind you, I had been thinking about changing industries for years, but the urgency of the now, pretty much kept my hands full all the time, and there was not enough urgency to send me to motorcycle repair school, Yes you heard me correctly, motorcycle repairman have to go through at least a full year residential program (move the family and feed them while going through school kind of residency program) in order to be certified to qualify for a job. And that in and of itself is no guarantee of job at the end of the year of learning. With three teenagers (two in college) at the time, no savings, and no margin, changing industries/changing career fields in my mid-late 40's was a practical impossibility.

Don't get me wrong, the opportunities are the very much the same in my opinion, for everyone regardless of age, but what is not the same is the freedom of choice. So Klein is very much on to something when he advocates refining your current skills and refocusing your current experience. This is what I have done. This is what I am suggesting to most of my clients. Although I am a huge Seth Godin fan, he suggests regularly that only desire and bravery (= passion) and the willingness to risk are required to change your career, what you do, how you provide value, and to what you accomplish.

Klein's blog was/is so much more practical at most levels in my opinion. Instead of "doing what you love" he suggests that you "learn to love what you do." He references Cal Newport's book, "So Good They Can't Ignore You" as a basis for this. When these ideas are considered together with Godin's ideas, the result is a powerful possibility that can change your circumstances significantly. Become a craftsman of what you do. Practice hard and get out of your comfort zone. Acquire rare and valuable skills in your vocational area. Become so good that they can't ignore you indeed!

I would add one more suggestion to these fine one's here. Acquire some objectivity about your vocation. Involve others so that you can  see it through fresh eyes so that you can discover new areas within your area of expertise. So I still work in the clergy/cross-cultural worker fields, but I am doing something few others do within those areas of vocation. I provide a service where few others do, and with people who can't access the resources that I can provide them.

Still it was and is unnervingly risky, and I am constantly navigating new waters and my learning curve is terrifying. But I am doing far more learning to love what I do than I am spinning my wheels (pun intended) on motorcycle repair. While I still may get to the bikes eventually (doesn't that sound like a a great second career after retirement?!), for the moment, I am refining 35 years of education and experience into something more valuable and meaningful. (You can read Klein's post by Googling "Focus on the Skills you have instead of following your passion.")

The importance of habits and processes

Here I am 10 days after arriving home, with two new computers, all the hardware anyone could need, and I STILL haven't gotten back to full productivity. As I wrote in the previous post, I am indeed mentally ready for full productivity, but my habits and processes have been so totally disrupted that I have not yet succeeded in returning to my former glory or effectiveness.

Good hardware is not enough. I already knew that, and honestly I produced much of my work on an iPad or iPhone, the computers were/are primarily key to finding and organizing my daily research. The computer crash I had (and while I was at it, I decided to replace my limping-along-three-year-old-desktop)​ led to me losing the software functionality I had with several key programs. It was a combination of things, developers not supporting the software any longer, my not protecting and organizing the application serial numbers, developers not answering my inquiries to regain those, not being able to restore the now-crashed-computer on the new one, etc, etc. Trust me, I am now paying attention to said details much more. Backups of data are NOT enough!

Having said that, the loss of these software programs exposes the weakness of my processes in my workflow. I am now in the middle of replacing/recreating said process​es and it is very slow going. For a week I thought I was back in business, but then I discovered I was using bata software, and this discovery happened when the beta expired! Unfortunately I had been rebuilding the key RSS feeds for a whole week and now once again I lost them! 

I could go on about the weaknesses of my process-rebuilding, but what I REALLY discovered throughout all of this, is that my daily habits are too dependent on external applications. This is not bad or evil in and of itself, but I need more redundancy.​ I need to have the same processes and same software on at least two machines at all times. I need to have a much higher level of continuity between devices. I need good habits that insure high levels of productivity even if I lose a peice of hardware (or two!) What changes do you need to make right now to protect your productivity?  Trust me, data back up alone is not sufficient!

The biggie decisions

There are hard decisions that come along in life. Decisions few are prepared for and no one is ever eager to engage. Aging parents are the biggie of the biggie and no two situations are the same . . . and yet they are all the same. Your parents (and certainly mine) need new bodies and new minds and that is why they (and us) need Jesus, because that is the only way that any of us are ever going to experience that wonderful necessary thing. Unfortunately, from a humanistic point of view, you have die in order to get these wonderful gifts.

In the West we don't have a strong tradition any longer of caring for our parents and grandparents in their last years. The trend is to place them in homes, assisted living facilities, nursing homes and whatevers, so that all the unpleasantness of diminished capacity, declining minds and bodies, the lost of normal adult functions, are handled by others. It is sold to us as being better for THEM. Marketing has been very successful. Here in the East though, there are different expectations, and different economic realities and relational realities. Few can or would consider such solutions. Yes we have old folks homes, but most of those there are truly alone in the world and they have no one alive to care for them and they cannot care for themselves.

The problem is that my wife and I are caught between the two cultures. We WANT to care for our parents, and they NEED us to do so, but yet we struggle to find a way to continue working while doing so. I mean we have 15 years to go before we qualify for retirement and have the freedom (in the Western mindset) to care for them. This is not a theoretical dilemma. This is real and current and the pressure builds for action to take place and soon. So what honors them and God most? We are probably too close to the situation to have any objectivity at all. What do you plan to do and how do you plan to accomplish it? 

Me? I see that I have waited far too long to do anything other than react. All the initiative has been taken away by delay and denial. Learn from my misstep.

Back to uber productivity

Sometimes, perhaps regularly, we all need to disconnect from the pace of our daily lives. The planned interruption is so healthy, that to ignore it is dangerous. That includes digital interruptions. I just returned from one such an interruption and can say that it was an unqualified success in delivering a sweet refreshment to my mind. Its like the whole cache was dumped and the memory cleared out, so that clarity and productivity can once again be something I have each day.

As productivity guru Chris Bailey writes, the three ingredients of productivity are Time, Energy and Attention.​ As he states so well, "Productivity is very much a holistic concept, characterized by the understanding of its interconnected parts." You need all three of these to really be productive. But you shatter your productivity by working too hard or too much, Bailey continues. He did an experiment where he worked 90 hours a week, and then 20 hours a week, back and forth for a month, to measure productivity. What he discovered was that he roughly got just as much work done in the 20 hour weeks, as he did in the 90 hour weeks! Why? Because when you work too hard or too long, you rob yourself of two of your most valuable resources; your time and your energy.

I am back to uber productivity, because I listened to Chris and took some down time. How about you?​

A successful person is running all the time?

I read an interesting blog today that talked about exceptional productivity, and it was very counter-intuitive to modern living.

People think that success, achievement, wealth, innovation are all things to strive for, and that these values are really valuable. But are they? Actually all the data out there shows that these aspirations cause all kinds of problems. Disruption is paid most often by the life/home/family values. This simply won't work long term because, in the end few people really value these objective metrics of success, and most finish up wishing for far more of the subjective ones. According to this article, “Research shows the impacts of overworking: exhaustion, irritation, weakened digestion and immunity.” Who wants this? And this is the byproduct of those things most people are striving for, the values that they think are valuable?

I am not ever interested in any job that creates a tunnel of chronic stress for me. I never want to feel burned out like a 40 day-old piece of toast ever again. There are few things that I value more than meaningful work that leads to significant change in people, cultures, society and countries, but not at the cost of personhood and life anymore. And according to research, despite all the chronic stress and mental and physical health problems that come from the pursuit of success, few find it. There are better ways to live (and to life!), and they actually lead to far better productivity.

The first thing you should do is more of nothing, according to the author, Dr. Seppala. Like I said early on in this post, this is very counter-intuitive and counter-productive to all the overachievers out there. Balance of ambition is a life long negotiation for most of us. We want (need) to find the right balance to integrate our objective and subjective metrics of success, where work and life are . . . balanced. Doing more of nothing is a key element of that, and something that many of us will struggle mightily with at first, because we haven't ever done more of nothing in decades. We don't even know where to start. Luckily for us the author says it succinctly, “The trick to self-mastery actually lies in the opposite of control: effortlessness, relaxation and well-being…relaxation is not only restorative but actually leads enhanced memory and facilitated intellectual understanding.”

Hmmm . . . it is difficult though, for old workhorses, to find a good way to relax. Yesterday I completed a 3000 mile motorcycle trip to Key West Florida where I practiced a week of doing nothing. It was harder and easier than I thought it would be. Maybe I will write another blog about that later, but I digress.

The article continues 2. meditation (and since I am who I am, lets meditate on the majesty and glory of the risen Savior!) and 3. serve others. There are hundreds of blogs out there everyday promoting these three keys to increased productivity, but the one today was especially good on the “do more of nothing” part. You can read Dr Seppala's complete blog here.

Too many churches?

I took a long (very long!) scenic route to Florida today, across the fine state of Georgia. Let me say with deep authority that Georgia is one seriously long deep big state. 350 miles later, I crossed into Florida. I stayed completely off the interstates and it was very interesting.

I loved the pace and lack of pressure to go super fast that you have on the crowded interstate highways. The roads were basically empty! Of course this choice of highway requires frequent slow downs and small towns every 15-30 miles were very slow, but that was the whole point, to go slow enough to actually see the countryside and relish it a bit rather, than just barreling down the road at dangerous speeds and competing with other drivers and going insane with people in the passing lane using cruise control!

I have to admit that the towns were much more rundown than I had anticipated, although there were beautiful exceptions, like Madison, GA. But the one overwhelming constant, from top to bottom, were the churches. There are endless churches in rural Georgia. Far more than any other kind of store, brand, type, more than even gas stations! Far more in fact! This was very disturbing.

At first I was glad. Because where I live in the world, there are very very very few churches. But the farther I drove, and the more rundown everything was, the more the plethora of churches began to bother me. Where is the community transformation? Where is the visible impact of these Jesus-following communities? Where is the change that comes from redemption and forgiveness? It was not evident for a stranger driving past their boroughs. On the other hand I may be completely wrong, and things would be much much worse without all these churches?

In the groove

There are days when work feels like work, and days when work feels like pleasure. On the pleasure days, you are firing on all cylinders and you know you are making an important contribution. Your life matters, and all your experience comes into play in the conversations of that day. It is like a wonderful dance where you anticipate the music and the next steps, and so the flow and the elegance of conversation, and significance of the conversation, is so pleasing. It is great to make a contribution to events and processes much bigger than we are alone. I call it, being in the groove!

The cold and the wet of it

Spring in Eastern Europe is a really fickle affair, and from what I understand, the USA is experiencing a similar fate this year. Once you get about half way up the mountain next to our house, it is snow covered! It is simply cold and wet and there is nothing else that could describe it. And not only the weather.

Our experiences related to our aging parents and siblings could be described in exactly the same way. Every action of caring and concerned is seen and interpreted as the opposite. It is a very cold and wet experience. Dismal. Dark. Gray. Wet tears. No fun. No joy. Spring in Eastern Europe as we attempt to love and care for our parents from afar, negotiate with my wife's sisters about dad's care, is a very fickle affair. You never know what the weather is going to be like one day till the next.

This is all related to end-of-life decisions and dignity and who decides. Well let me inform you of one thing we have learned too well - if you don't make the decisions ahead of time about your end-of-life decisions, then someone other than you WILL make them, and you probably (read certainly) won't like what they decide for you. If you don't want a wet and cold experience at the end of your life, then you better make some decisions today.

Crashes number 2, day number three.

I am a little flabbergasted at how much the loss of my computer has thrown me off my workflow. I am thinking that I need to make sure I regularly work on the iPad and have an equal workflow in place here, as well as the laptop. On the other hand, I could have duplicated the workflow on the desktop computer - but why didn't I?

This is actually an important question! After thinking about it a great deal today, I have come to the conclusion that I become so involved in actually working, that I forgot about the beautiful structure underneath that keeps that workflow moving so seamlessly. In my humble opinion, that is the beautiful simplicity of owning a Mac. It has been my steady and consistent experience these last 10 years of having Macs rather than PC. I just take for granted all that is going on in the background, making my work days possible … until a crash happens.

I clearly need some redundancy here, and need to motivate myself to make this happen as I develop the actual workflows. Make certain that it is happening on at least two machines at all times, make certain that a failure on one machine, will not equal a failure of process and production. But the urgency and excitement of the immediate work thus far, has prevented me from successfully doing this, and it is something that needs change.

From a leadership point of view, we have to think of these actions as preservation of a future value, as ownership in the stock in our company, keeping the output working into the foreseeable timeframe ahead of us, as responsible actions of invested people. May there never be a “next time.”

crashes

You never actually appreciate some things fully, until you have to do without them. That happened to us when we moved to Russia 20 years ago and learned to live without always-available water, electricity and heat (water is by far the most difficult to not have always-available). And over the years we have also learned to drive less, walk far more, live in smaller spaces, live the night life, be less time conscious (in a less-American way), among other things.

This week though, yesterday in fact, I had something happen, that has not occurred for over 10 years - my computer crashed. I mean it died a complete and significant death. Can't use it at all, is now a paper-weight, kind of crash. I just have never had this happen to me in my Apple world, until yesterday. Fortunately I am heading to the states in 10 days and so I can get it repaired, but unfortunately I am not heading to the states for 10 days!

It is amazing how much you don't realize where your work is centered, in terms of tools, until you are scrambling to get those tools back in other ways!

Perhaps I should examine my work processes more carefully, and think "crash!" and what that would mean, as a precautionary work of implications? By the way, I have a current backup of my computer, but I just don't have a hard drive (evidently) any longer, onto which it can be restored. So what other processes, tools, and methods need some redundancy in my work, and in yours?  

Here is to crashes and the lessons they may teach us.

Why being cheated bothers us so much

As someone who has been living abroad for most of the last 20 years, I think it is safe to say that I have been cheated far more than the average person. Since I am “the foreigner” it is like I have a golden bullseye on both my forehead and in the center of my back which makes everyone feel complete freedom to take advantage of me as much as possible as frequently as possible. This is not the cheating on a test, or the passing to the front of the line without waiting like everyone else, or even the paying too much for a competitive opportunity.

No I am talking about the systematic and automatic reaction that non-Westerners have to Westerners. They perceive me to be both stupid and rich (how they reconcile a person being both at the same time is beyond me), and thus fair game for any possible overcharge, extra payment, etc etc. When we lived in Russia, there was a local charge, and a foreigner charge, with the foreigner charge being at least double what the locals pay. Here in Asia, even at the temples, there is a charge for foreigners to enter, but no charge for the locals. Taxis quadruple their prices, vendors double the cost of their goods, when groups go out the foreigner is expected to pay every time, and this gets old very very very quickly! It has been my life for 20 years.

In fact, one of my “friends” tried to double his money at my expense yesterday! So what is really going on? Well first of all, when a taxi driver in Istanbul charges me $30 to drive me one kilometer it is plain and simple extortion. But that is unusual even for me. So it is not extortion most of the time, but rather that I actually CAN afford to pay so much more than the locals. I actually am so much richer than the locals - and I resist. I don't want to acknowledge or admit or live with the daily shame that I am far richer than most of the people I live among and work with on a daily basis. Second of all, in my home country I am on the poorer side of the scale, and so inside myself, I feel poor too! I hate that I am expected to pay more than the locals I live among - and that is my problem - not theirs.

Ex-pats argue that they have far more expenses than do the locals, that they have to live in (at least) two worlds at the same time (their host country and the country that they come from - and I actually currently live on three continents!). This is true to a point. Ex-pats argue that the more money they lose the less they have to give. This too is true to a point. But the reality that we don't want to own up to is that we are far richer than we admit, and we usually want to pay the local going rates for all services and products. It ain't gonna happen any time soon.

The flow of life, making it matter

There is a flow to life on the road that is very different than the flow of life when you are largely stationary in one location most of the time. The flow to life on the road is filled with hurry up and wait. Starts and stops. Standing sitting or walking are determined by the mode of transportation or the limitations of your transportation. Most of your choices are punted away in favor of getting from A to B in the most timely or cost effective way possible. It takes a different attitude to navigate this flow on the road with finesse and panache. This attitude is one of delicate anticipation of all the variables that travel can throw at you whether on the open highway, or in the airport or at the train station. The more Western or rich Asian your situation, the more dependable or predictable the variables. The more Eastern, poor Asian or Slavic the situation, the less predictable the variables in my opinion. But you have to keep a good attitude and know that no matter what happens, it makes sense to someone, or it wouldn't be happening. Now whether or not it makes sense to YOU is another story altogether.

The flow of life at home or a long term stationary point is completely different. You are far less vulnerable to the whims and arcane rules and ideas of someone else. You can set your own schedule and expectations. You can make choices that are impossible if you are on the road. You can predict with a high degree of certain events and schedules and expectations coming your way. A calendar is even possible!

But regardless of which life you find yourself in at the moment, it is your one and only life. Live it well, create, build, shape and design. Make a life that is worth living! Make the best of your flow!

What do you really want?

This is the number one question young leaders fail (and unfortunately a large number of older leaders as well) to answer with clarity. I have recently started asking myself this question each time a significant leadership decision comes up in my life. If I fail to know exactly what I want (to happen, to accomplish, which outcomes I am striving for, what end result is needed) then I am doomed to get something … else.

Leadership moves fast in this present world and we all want answers and direction. But if I fail to answer this question with some depth, then I can't move on to appropriate action. There is only so much each person can know and have experience to address and respond with, so we need the right coaches and mentors and peers around us to help us find solutions. If we fail to answer this question though, we can't move forward effectively.

If a leader doesn't know the answer to this question they will likely (unwittingly and without any malice) use people rather than serve them suitably. They will find themselves needing people rather than leading people. Of course there are layers and layers to every challenge and every situation and no, you don't have to know the answers all up front. Yet without some real energy being applied to solid discovery of what you want, you will find yourself floundering more and more.

So what do you REALLY want? Think about it ... now.

Traveling with Jim

There are huge opportunities in my line of work. I get to meet amazing people in interesting places doing life-changing work. This weekend was a perfect example of the beautiful synergy that can happen.

I met up with the Asia Regional Director while he was traveling through Thailand, on his way to Cambodia. He asked, and I decided to join him on this trip.

I got more accomplished in two hours at the airport with Jim, than most people do in a whole day. No crap. No bullshit. No posturing. No Politics. No spiritual-speak (the use of spiritual sounding phrases to impress the hearer of one's spiritual stature). Just great content, succinct, powerful, clear, impressive, better, easier, more. There are not enough adjectives to describe the great gift of thinking he has. And, according to him, I delivered everything I said I would and more. Death to bad meetings! Long live life-giving exchanges!! You should always employ my basic cornerstone of work/business/productivity  "under promise, over deliver." It has served well for decades now.

Here in Cambodia, the synergy continued. I would be hard pressed to recall a more productive weekend. What a roll! Evidently I need to travel more often with people who spark my imagination in all the right ways. The power of possibilities!

In the International Church smoking lounge?

Is that even a valid phrase in the anti-smoking world Americans live in? Yes. It is. There is a whole world alive here, an unreached people group if you please. Where Christ followers never (well ok, rarely) venture.

I am starting to think that I should start a new church, of the tobacco addicted, of those enslaved by the moments of tutun (the Macedonian word) clarity and pleasure, those involved in the minutes of hazy smoke-filled clouds of bliss. Where pilots and doctors and janitors and leadership gurus and jazz musicians and the welfare class share bad air together in complete nicotine equality.

Yes I am convinced that this is a un-reached people group, not pinned in by the 10/40 window as much as they are Marlboro and Camels and Galoussies.

This room of smokers is the most crowded room in the entire huge Istanbul airport! They are a homogenous group of weak individuals, who willingly and helplessly bow down to a compelling desire. Who better to experience the freedom of life in Christ? Who better to acknowledge their inability to do so without supernatural help?

They are a microsm of weaknesses we all face. They are us. Albeit a smelly smoky version of us. What an intriguing study of cultural anthropology! It is an international church with representatives from every European country, every African nation, every Asian country and every state! I have thought about targeting smokers as  a people group, much as I have tourists in Asia, and sex-pats (versus ex-pats) in Southeast Asia as those who need Christ as much as I do. Who is within your reach?

Raising the bars 2

“But frankly, none of us have the time we need.” I read this quote recently and found it very intriguing. I thought it went well in some ways with my previous post. It reflects the way the entrepreneurial world/business world is highly driven, over-scheduled, over-clocked, and believe it or not I am coming to the conclusion that the majority of Westerners do this, not just the C-suite executives . . . because we believe none of us have the time we need. We admire people who are workaholics, who sacrifice and succeed, regardless the price.

The article went on and explained WHY we are often this way, “the rewards of work are immediate, and the rewards of life accrue more slowly. (To some parents of teenagers, these rewards may seem practically glacial.) It becomes tempting to reserve the best of ourselves for the short-term gains of work and “automate” the long game of life.”

I did this for years myself, and mostly (85%) I regret it. Yes it brought me where I am today, quicker than I could have arrived by valuing the rewards of life (the moment, my awesome wife, my amazing kids, my incredible parents, etc) accruing each day, than the immediate rewards of work, production, execution, competencies, education, and a paycheck. This proper balance is so incredibly difficult to find when you are in the middle of living it!

The key life moments and the key work moments seems to come at precisely the same time, at the very front end of your working and childrearing cycles of life. For men at least, the pressure and temptation to undervalue the childrearing and relationships, over the work dilligence needed to make some progress toward those types of goals, is huge. But whoever reaches the later stages of life and wish that they had worked more?? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my work, really I do, even though it is work :-). But my family and relationships bring me far more pure joy . . . and work, while often satisfying, just can't compete in the long run.

I would still argue that we need to raise the bar, increase our skills and competencies and capacities, but perhaps we need to measure the costs differently and with great care.

(These quotes I used here came from the blog, “Should You Automate Your Life So that You Can Work Harder?”by SARAH GREEN)

Raising the bars?

There are levels to every competency, whether that be intellect, physical, spiritual or hard skills. Most people get into a good groove of ability and they market that or maximize it to to a point of good functionality or ability. They find what works and they stay with it.

The problem is that what works in today's context likely won't be enough to suffice for tomorrow's demands, or you will discover that it is not enough to take you forward to where you find you need to go next, or you aren't getting the results that you want.

There are a number of factors that affect your plans to move ahead to the next level. Age is a big factor. This can adversely affect physical or intellectual skills. Moving up can be hampered greatly by age if you increase or want/need to accelerate your physical exercise or intellectual pursuits like language acquisition or scholarly studies. I recently pushed myself to ride more and eat less, and I was shocked to discover how slowly I could improve without doing injury to myself! And language learning is another area where I find it much more difficult to memorize and retain new words and grammar constructs, than I did 20 years ago.

But other things can be easier with age such as spiritual or hard skills. Experience can be a big asset in these pursuits. In fact it can be the totally-give-you-the-upper-hand asset in hard skills and in spiritual matters. You know what you know at this stage/age and the beauty of that is that you have honed down what works and what doesn't, what is needed and what is not, where progress can be made, where the pressure points are, where success can be found. Much more is known, far less unknown . . . now if you only won't allow these advantages blind you to the fact that you still have to learn . . . 

Context can be another big factor, and I would include timing, location, assignment, capacity, desire, family, cycle of life, resourcing and mobility under this heading (at the very least. There may be more factors that I have missed). This is a framing factor. I think of it as more as a structure than a limiting or enabling factor. It just is. If you are a missionary in South East Asia, you can't sell cars in Boise. Of course one of the beautiful things happening in the modern world is that these structure/context framings are stretching. Life is becoming more configurable than ever before. Reach and mobility have changed most equations. If you want to elevate your game, this one requires some diligent effort. I put about seven years of effort into this point before making my big jump away from my former parent group (of 23 years). Dilligent effort. Opportunity does not equal wisdom . . . 

 . . . though I would classify opportunity as the third most important factor in taking your efforts to the next level. Opportunity often feels like risk, and the risk-averse will have more difficulty in seeing the opportunity. What could you do, if failure were not possible, if resourcing were not a constraint, if dreams drove you?

I would like to say, that all you hope for is potentially there, is possibly possible, maybe might be, for the person who can see the steps, take them one at a time, and stay the course. Remember dilligent effort? It applies all across the board. It is the most consistent factor missing in those I work with who want to make big jumps in their abilities. You CAN do this, but you probably will have to work at it. Time plus proximity does not equal aquisition.

52 years old today

Today is my 52nd birthday. I am pretty sure that I spent it like few would choose to spend their 52nd birthday, but there is a method to my madness, but you just may want to have me committed to an insane asylum. Today marks my third consecutive (almost) birthday in Thailand, sweating profusely. I like to sweat, for I am convinced that it is one of the primary reasons I have zero blood pressure problems here in Asia, whereas in Europe and the USA, I have to take medication to keep things under control. Here I just sweat, and sweat and  . . . well you get the idea.

But I am not here to sweat, I am here to work in part (since I have such excellent locationless work, place is relative workwise) but more importantly to be with my brother, who has advanced cirrhosis of the liver due to an incredible commitment to beer in vast quantities, every day, for years. Until he was so direly diagnosised 2.5 years ago, we had spent little time together as adults. We are both enjoying the process of making some adult memories and sharing our lives together, even if it is more than a little late. There is a lesson in this for you too.

But we were actually discussing birthdays. So I spent birthdays 50, almost 51 and today number 52 here in Thailand. On number 50 I struggled to bicycle 16 miles. On number (10 days before my birthday) 51 I handled 26 mountainous miles fairly well. Today I did a very mountainous 54 mile circle and I feel really good! As you can see, I am making birthday progress, of a sort. At mile 36 I stopped at a roadside cafe and had an excellent breakfast of super spicy fish and rice (well I AM in Asia). Then when I returned to Chiang Mai, I showered and did a load of laundry (a never ending task where you sweat and sweat), and then I went and treated myself to a one hour massage to work out some of the kinks to a 52 year old body that biked 54 miles.

No email or work today . . . instead I am concentrating on all the things I am thankful for, blessed by, gifted with, and the opportunities that I have that I never thought possible when I was a chicken farmer's son growing up in rural GA. With some careful thought, it becomes apparent that I have been given some magical moments, turns, twists, chances, and offers. I am looking more to what the future holds than what the past has given. I am wallowing in the pleasure of the moment, today, this my 52nd birthday.  Its gonna be a great year!

Thinking space

Thinking space is hard to come by. It is rarely quiet enough to dig into the hard work of thinking. I am not talking about silence, though that too has an important role to play in our lives, but quiet enough to think. Wanting to think and planning to think is not the problem for many of us, it is much more how loud our environments are, the noise of life around us, the almost inescapable constant grind of traffic and construction, at least in the cities that I live in around the world.

This morning I decided to do an exercise experiment. There is a mountain cafe about 2 miles further along from my normal turnaround on my morning bike ride. I decided to pack up some working gear and ride with a small backpack on to this cafe. I decided to order a coffee, sit on the balcony that overlooks several ranges, enjoy a completely different ambience. Wait and soak, wait and listen, permeate my brain cells with less bombardment, feel the breeze less polluted by smog and noise, to actually be able to hear the birds sing, be surrounded by trees instead of asphalt.

The difference was astounding! No jackhammers, no shrill saws cutting pipes, no cement trucks racing their engines, little traffic, no one hammering in the room next door, no telephones ringing, no racing motorcycles, no crowds of people all talking on their phones, no loud music playing, no taxis honking their horns, no shouting vendors on the street. It wasn't silent, but the sounds were much calmer, more nature could be heard, much more soothing and relaxing and the thoughts began to flow, coalesce, take form, make new connections - thinking! Not just doing a mental to-do list in my head, but actual real honest thinking. And the coffee was great too.

What experiment do you need to do to find a thinking zone? I had to pretty much restructure the first half of my day in order to pull this off. It is not something that is practical to do everyday. But if you don't try, then you are sure to fail to find a place of creativity, rejuvenation and new possibilities.

Sacrificing for someone else?

When do you sacrifice for someone else's success? This is a trickier question than you might think. Most leader-want-to-be's are pretty good about sacrificing for someone else's success . . . as long as they can see the ROI eventually, in some manner, benefiting them. Even if that eventually is still a long ways down the road. Even if that potential benefit is small, they can still do it regularly.

It is when there is no "eventually" that separates the men from the boys, so to speak. If fact I would challenge you to think carefully, and see how many investments in people you have made, that can not ever bring some benefit back to your door, ever. Hell I am in the "helping others succeed" business and I am hard pressed, very very hard pressed to find more than a few. 

Sure I find deep pleasure in seeing others succeed, really I do! But hidden inside all of those "helping others succeed" human transactions that take place in my life, there is also some reciprocation, some advantage, something I get in return, even if it is eventually.  Frankly that ruins my altruism. It wrecks my perceptions of how generous I am. It destroys my sense of largess. It displays how shallow my good goes. At the end of the day, it reveals my utter selfishness.

This was brought to light in my life today, when I could find no happiness, no pleasure inside of me, for the success of another. Her success cost me, and there is no eventual benefit for me. I had to pay the price, receive less, be patient, be generous, wait, make allowances, spend my time, change my plans, thwart my goal, in order for her to succeed - and there is no eventual benefit for me. And I don't like it all. And that shows my smallness: as a man, as a Christ-follower, as a leader.

Unusual compression, more of the present?

The coffee was surprisingly great. Not my typical experience on a plane. The steward told me that it was a new Columbian blend they were trying from South Africa. I told him flat out it was a keeper! I had four wonderful cups to prove my point!

But I skipped the history that brought me to this place. Age has given me a number of gifts, two of the more unusual ones are that I can now sleep on airplanes and I rarely experience dreaded jet-lag. I attribute these two gifts to age, as surely it could not be that I am changing time zones so frequently that my body has given up jet-lag?

So after two intense hours of work, interrupted only by a flabbergasted stewardess who simply couldn't believe I did not want to eat dinner, although she couldn't know that I rarely eat food served on airplanes, and after four hours of relatively good sleep – I was ready for coffee.

Typically I slurp down a cup or two, just to hold me until I can get off the flight and get ahold of some real coffee. Today I might skip that ritual altogether, as I sit here contentedly (did I just use that word on an airplane??) sipping a very hot tasty brew and jotting down these thoughts on my iPad as my brain is waking up.

Everything can be more intense on a trans-ocean flight. It is like time and work and thinking and food and the air in the cabin is compressed into a more intense experience than a normal day. Perhaps it is as simple as sitting in a space designed for children rather than adults for hours on end, but even the waiting is compressed and each moment can seem to take several hours depending on your state of mind (on the other hand, the flight West took 10 hours and 30 minutes, this one East only took 7 hours and 15 minutes!). I mean compressed in the sense of MORE rather than in the sense of SHORTER.

Dr. Marshal Goldsmith, an excellent leadership guru of high caliber, started me down this path a number of years back. He travels far far more than me (I shudder at the thought!), and he advocates that the best way to travel and make it as productive and painless as possible, is to live in the moment only. Not as my lovely bride does, bouncing mentally back and forth the entire flight between the time zone she left and the time zone she is heading toward - but the moment. Perhaps this is why everything seems MORE? Perhaps this unusual compression is fostered by living in the present moment, no more, no less.

Clarity of purpose . . . at a price

There are all different kinds of clarity needed in life, but clarity of purpose may outrank them all. Surprisingly, pain can actually bring some significant clarity of purpose.

I recently went through round three of excruciating back pain – all three were very different – except for the pain part and the excruciating part. At least in this third round I could sit without dying, but walking? It very well may kill me.

So what do you do when hurting physically? You probably will think me completely crazy, but in my family, we pretty much do whatever we would do if we weren't hurting at all. I mean, it is gonna hurt no matter where you are and no matter what you do, right? Just as well work.

And that is what I did. I remember sitting on my second flight of the day, heading to Berlin for three days of intensive work. But this hurt so badly those last 24 hours, that I seriously considered just tossing the whole trip into the garbage can and bailing out. All that money, all that planning, all those irretrievable moments - down the tube. Lost. But I couldn't do it. Because of clarity.

The clarity I had of the possibilities of what might be, what could happen, what potentials exist to change the world, all of that was at stake. And it is gonna hurt no matter what, right? Some of you might suggest that I over-estimated the importance of my trip, or suggest that I didn't really hurt that badly, but you would be wrong, on both counts. It is clarity about the importance of what I do, and the limits of what I can't, that put me on that plane that day, and through the agony of the next three days walking in Berlin. Clarity! Purpose! Meaning!

Rush

I love the breeze blowing (and sometimes whipping!) through my hair and across my skin.  I love the rush of taking the curves fast and furious. I love carving those big fat S's and hairpin turns. I love the tension of danger, the near possibility of falling is always present and it usually hurts. But the energy given and released in exchange for being on the edge of the board, or the side of the tires, the lip of disaster, is generally a fair transaction. Ok, I am adrenalin junkie. Anything with two wheels or anything with snow and everything pointed downhill and curves!! Let's go!

There is something very powerful in these moments of movement. The controlled risk, the measured danger, the pain of making an error in judgement, all necessary parts of living loud and experiencing something completely other, than sitting at my desk all day. Having fun is an essential part of balance as you integrate life and work. What do you need to do today to get your blood pumping and make your heart jump up into your throat?

(disclaimers: I always wear a helmet in each of these activities. I love the rush, but I take some precautions against utter stupidity, and for the record, my bike helmet and snowboarding helmet have saved me numerous times. Have not tested the motorcycle helmet against the asphalt and hope I never do.)

Moments

There are many moments in life where we can make a difference. But seeing them can often be the challenge. What I mean is that we are so focused on other things, that we miss many of the golden moments that cross our paths. Most of us have been taught to actually do this on purpose, to show how focused and attentive we are to our objectives and goals and how we "get things done."

But activity is not necessarily productivity, especially when productivity includes (demands) that we see and respond to these moments, these opportunities, these events that cross our paths. Busyness is not the goal, making a difference is the goal, changing the world is the goal, doing something meaningful is the goal, far more than how many hours I clock each week. I am not suggesting that we stop working diligently nor reducing our standards to something less than excellence. I am merely observing that punching the clock (for those of you old enough to remember that) does not translate into definite success in terms of making a meaningful difference in the world.

I would suggest that this requires us to cultivate an awareness of God and new ways of "seeing" or observing the world around us. It takes practice to discern what is an opportunity versus what may be simply a distraction - but it is a different kind of "focus" and one well worth every second, so we don't miss any of those God moments and join in with His plan to change and love people.

Positive energy??

While reading an email from a friend today, I had to spend some time thinking through an assessment he made of me. His choice of words messed me up a bit. He said " I am drawn to the positive energy you consistently exude." Those are not words I would typically apply to myself.

Its not that I think I am anti-positive necessarily, but more like I am married to Polly-Anna. In comparision, Brenda would generally make the real Polly-Anna seem like a curmudgeon. Compared to Brenda I am positively negative, and it is a good thing too, because someone needs to balance the universe!

Now perhaps my friend John just works in an office filled with toxic and lethally negative people, but I don't think so. He never complains about work. Ever. And so I had to stop and think a good long while about what he said and why he may have said it. 

In the end I came to only one conclusion . . . he needs to get out more. Haha, just kidding! The conclusion is this, I do make an intentional effort to see the possibilities in each person in my life. Looking for that potential all the time leaves me with very little flaw-gathering time. So perhaps what he sees in me is positive in that it is focused on what could be, rather than what may be lacking today.

What would he say about you and your energy?

Long nights

The long night happens to everyone eventually.  And the longer you lie there awake when you should be/want to be sleeping, the more things you can think of that you should be getting up to do, since you can't sleep afterall. This most often happens to me the second night after arriving at a new location around the globe. Some call it jetlag, I just call it sleeplessness. And irritating.

Its the lack of productivity that makes my mind go faster and faster as I think of all the details/tasks I have missed or failed to complete, and the urgency to just get up grows. It feels like this is lost or wasted time . . . when there is so much demanding my attention. But the reality is this, that getting up is generally a big mistake, because it will just compound the sleeplessness problem the following nights. Lying in bed in the dark is still rest, regardless of how it feels. But that overpowering feeling of unproductiveness . . .

. . . is simply wrong too, because the busier you are, the dumber you may be.  You must resist this lie the most in the modern age, perhaps more than most others, because overclocked schedules keep us from not only not resting well, but from thinking clearly, and of course since I slept so little last night, my thinking processes are even more slowed today. So I must give myself more space and margin today in order to break the cycle of unproductivity tomorrow.

I know that sounds counter-intuitive, and so does my suggestion here, but you have to just relax and live in the moment of the long night. Otherwise it may become a pattern, and that would actually be a real problem.

Hanging by a thread?

Imagine my surprise today when ropes started flying across my balcony, quickly followed by two men with five gallon buckets, all on the 12th floor!! They redefined for me what it means to be hanging by a thread! Now for some folks, they may consider painting buildings while hanging from a single rope, to be the best jobs in the world. While the majority of us may think, "what desperation drove these men to take such risks every day?"

But it won't take you very long to think of times when you have backed yourself into a corner which led to you taking big risks for low rewards. Most of us have been in this spot in our lives. Even though we are not Burmese laborers working for sub-par wages in Thailand, we still have woke up to find ourselves hanging by a thread, emotionally, financially, vocationally, spiritually (hopefully not physically like these guys!). It is a horrible place to be, yet, in some way it quantifies the non-hanging by a thread moments and events.

So my challenge to you (and of course myself) is to accurately assess where you are today, compared to, one of those hanging by a thread times in life. 

Suddenly my day just got a lot brighter and better.

One of THESE days!

Sometimes you can't believe that you get to be where you are today! Since yesterday was “sometimes you don't want to be where you are” day, it is fitting to have a follow up day to the contrary. Honestly this is my more normal day, where the world is tilted correctly and most things happen in a predictable manner that allows planning, thinking and building something important.

Today was one of “these” days. Even sick, this day is about 1000 times better than yesterday. What objectively changed? Really nothing at all…at least that is measurable or visible. In fact, it rained most of the day! So it wasn't the weather. I am in fact, sick and sitting on…er…the throne, or at least not getting far from it (like six steps is the limit). So what is the difference, that even an Asian bug can't falter? What is better today than yesterday? No resets needed, no change of scenery or pace to get things moving in the right direction. What is different?

Only small things, and that is both wonderful and horrible. Perspective that happened mentally yesterday, but never made it to the feeling level, was just right today, the feeling and thinking were in sync. Sleep was better last night, the exercise today about the same. Food was just as good. Weather was worse. Physically I felt much better today, well until about an hour ago when Matsuma's revenge attacked. Like I said, very small, little things. The great news is that it doesn't really take too much to have a much better day. The horrible news is that it doesn't really take too much to have a much worse day.

It seems to me that I am, or should be, much much much much more resilient than that. To think that so little could swing the pendulum so far. In fact, if you had asked me two days ago, I would have told you that I was indeed, much much much too resilient to be swung by so little in either direction. But evidently I am not, at least not on these two particular days.

One of those days

Sometimes you just don't want to be where you are today. I know you have had one of “those" days. One of those days where you are glad you can swear in three languages - fluently. One of those days, where your feet are dragging and your heart is flagging and your thoughts are sagging. You make a valiant effort to turn things around and get them moving in the right direction - any direction other than the one you have been headed in the whole day. You step back and think it through and know in your heart that this is a temporary phenomena but you can't seem to convince your soul.

It's one of those days where it seems everyone is nasty and mean without any cause, much less a "just” one. It feeds your negative experience. You are discombobulated and out of whack and just off it seems. The day can't end fast enough. Even a great meal can't assist you in turning the corner…half way through, you just lose your appetite and really don't enjoy the great thing before you, but you eat it anyways, out of habit more than joy.

You attempt a number of “resets” but it isn't happening. You just want to go home, but you don't know where that is any longer, and in my case, I haven't known where that is for decades. There is almost a sense of cosmic mischief afoot, determined to wreck the battle. A long walk to change the speed and pace, and all you get is a headache. Purpose seems to have deserted you completely and you can't remember all the reasons in your heart, for bringing you to this place, for this need, for this very necessary presence, here, right now. Or the price seems unnaturally high for the results.

Thankfully tomorrow is a new opportunity and start. May it be much much better than today.

Role changes

There are many roles that a person plays over the course of their lives. One that I never envisioned for myself is caretaker … of people that I love. It started about eight years ago when my wife suddenly and unexpectedly started having seizures, as a result of the epilepsy that we never knew she had. Of course unless you grow up wanting and expecting to take care of people as a vocation, you never will anticipate this role sneaking up on you. (since then, my brother and my mother have joined in the need to have some caretaking - my role expands)

Now let me make it abundantly clear, my wife is no wilting violet, hypochondriac, in no way does she ever live a “poor pitiful me” attitude in life. But there have been a number of moments in the last eight years where she is utterly dependent on help to even get dressed or showered or out of bed in the morning. Something neither of us ever could have imagined when we got married over 27 years ago. Something that neither of us would have believed could happen to us. But it did and it does. And now I am going through severe back pain in a chronic ongoing pattern that is both incredibly painful and very worrying, and I need a caretaker!

So we find ourselves at another one of those moments, recent surgeries keeping her immobile, as much as she hates any kind of perceived weakness in herself and as much as she detests having me (or anyone) help her. The result is that I cook by proxy sometimes - another unimaginable role that I can do now with aplomb. Cooking by proxy entails Brenda telling me what to do from whatever prone position she finds herself forced to remain in, while I make jokes and behave badly in the kitchen. Thus it takes two of us to make a simple cobbler, one that a small child could have done. But we did it together … in roles that we could not have imagined just a short while ago … and we had some good laughs along the way. Perhaps these role changes are not as bad as they seem? Perhaps this is the way to really grow and develop, by being forced to do so? Hmmmmm . . . 

Focus

Where are you focused? And what do you see there? Call it vision, call it foresight, call it prophecy. Or it could be more concrete, like my current scenery. Here is what I am looking at, now, at this very moment of writing.

Some would say that I am focused on a huge mountain range, some might say that I am focused on how small I am in comparison. But actually I am focused on you - my surroundings are just giving me scale to think, scale to be inspired, to see what I could not with a lesser vista.

So what are you focused on? The immediate? Depending on the task or need, it can be most excellent and most productive to be fully immersed in the now, in deep work, in the current, in the present, in the urgent. Or are you focused on the end game, the future, the result? How well can you see it? Can you sense it vaguely, or is it a sharp and persistent vision? Can you envision what it can be, what it will be, how it will take place, the steps to get there, to experience it, to bring it to fruition?

Focus has at least two parts, and maybe more depending, the first part is understanding WHAT you should be focused on - the timing of your focus, now, mid and future - and the second part is WHAT you see, the product, the sermon, the content, the competency, the skill, the reality out there … eventually. I could focus on the vista in front of me, the cool slight breeze on my face, the sun peeking through the clouds, the ambience of this mountain side cafe, the smell of the fresh air, the sounds of the birds chattering. Or I could be focused on you, what you are facing, what you are challenged by, what you need, your dreams, your goals, your hopes - fueled and scaled and inspired by all that is immediately present around me.