Christmas past, present and future

Christmas was always great around our place. My folks were borderline poor, but you would have never known, because they did not talk about it, and were great planners. I have such great memories of Christmas as a kid.

Once I was a teenager and on through college, Christmas was still great, but I also worked a ton of hours, pulling double shifts and occasionally triple shifts, because I could and because the pay was so much better - no one else would work the Christmas shifts. But I still remember getting with the parentals and the larger family, to eat, drink and be merry together.

Then as a married adult, leading a church, Christmas was usually about work, the four Sundays of Advent, the new one time visitors, this were my least favorite memories of Christmas. When the kids came along, Christmas became the richest ever, watching their joy and excitement each year. And the anticipation was soooooo sweet. My kids will tell you, I Loooovvveeee Christmas.

The poorest Christmas ever - when Heidi, our oldest, was not even one year old, I was in Seminary and the only gift I could buy was a cheap doll for Heidi, nothing for Brenda, nothing for me. Heidi being five months old did not appreciate what that doll cost me. And the most I can ever remember us spending at Christmas was about 10 grand, when we flew home from Macedonia, all five of us, and spent three weeks traveling and visiting everyone. But they were all great, the poor ones and the rich ones.

And this one today, just my dad and me together, brother is gone and mom is gone, and Brenda is waiting for me in Macedonia (will leave tomorrow to get to her), but it is precious in its own way, because who knows how many more I get before its just me? Gratitude and wonder and excitement that Emmanuel is with us, and that He gave us the magnificent opportunities to give and give to others throughout our lives.

The chain of reasoning

The chain of reasoning

This is the thing we call thinking, or more accurately, like to think of as thinking. It is how you get from A to B mentally you surmise and you would be partially correct, in the sense that it can (and sometimes does) happen that way. But as Alan Jacobs shows in his book "How to Think" this is much more frequently an emotional movement than and mental movement. Even (mostly?) the highly educated folks like myself, we think according to how we feel, far far more than we "think" according to thinking - or a chain of reasoning, though I would imagine that most would resist the suggestion than they are following their feelings more than a chain of reasoning.

Jacobs points out situation after situation where we "decide" or "think" what is socially or culturally acceptable, with no real chain of reasoning at play in any discernible measure. When I step back and privately take a hard look at my "thinking" I can see what he is saying. (Privately being an important at part of this, because it is only then that you might be your most brutally honest with yourself.)

Or you might find this little pointer from Dan Rockwell enlightening:
"1. Assume the worst. Find the worst.
2. Look for problems. Find difficulties and obstacles.
3. Look for progress. Find gratitude. (The benefits of gratitude make it a magic elixir for health and happiness.)
4. Search for opportunities. Find energy.
You find what you look for. Then you justify your findings."

See there is no chain of reasoning here, just finding what we look for, and then we justify what we found, haha! I kid you not, but two months ago, I would have said that you were full of weirdness if you had suggested what I am suggesting (or rather what Jacobs is suggesting and I am just whole hardily agreeing with) here. But it is inescapably true. 

I was recently mediating a conflict between a leadership couple, and their board. I was doing this largely as a favor to a friend, because this is not normally my kind of gig. So I listened to what the leadership couple was telling me about how terrible the board was, how impossible to work with they were, how they were sabotaging all the great work that the leadership couple was inspiring the organization to accomplish.

However! I should have ended that meeting within the first 5 minutes, when it became abundantly clear, that the leadership couple were the psycho's in the room, not the board members. The board members were desperate to actually accomplish something important. The leadership couple were looking for wholesale capitulation! They had/have zero capacity for anyone to disagree with them ever!! You find what you look for and then justify what you found. It worked precisely like that from beginning to end for this leadership couple.

Now I am trying to isolate any such patterns and "feelings" in myself and see the ways that I am sure I am feeling my thinking forward, rather than following any chain of reasoning.

Cognitive bias and misunderstandings

Cognitive bias and misunderstandings

The missional world can be a really strange one. All of my business clients think so poorly of missions and missionaries that it is embarrassing. Most of the national pastors and national Christians I know and work with, also think so poorly of missionaries and have so many scratch-their-head moments about missional personal, that it makes me want to crawl under a rock many days. While I consistently and creatively paint other possible narratives about these people, the sad truth is that often their low opinions are warranted.

It seems that the missional world is especially afflicted with the Dunning-Kruger effect. I find myself flabbergasted and appalled at how little these recruits and soon to be "missionaries" and new arrivals are rock solid convinced that they can jump on an airplane, and take their American selves to any other place in the world and reproduce whatever in that new context. Immediately. With no actual competence. With no real honest skills. With no language learning. With no training. They are just so effing wonderful, all the world will bow to their mere presence or some other cat flossing fantasy that these people have in their very wrong and terribly screwed up heads.

They over-estimate their intelligence, their ability, their competence, their insight, their wisdom, their ideas, their importance, even their likability to the point where I want to throw up. They underestimate the need to retool, learn, study, underestimate the need for humility and gentleness, underestimate their cultural arrogance, and their ability to be fluid and flexible, their empathy and social graces. I could go on for hours. And hours.

Needless to say, few of them make it beyond their first term thank goodness. That at least puts some boundaries on the damage they can do forever on the ground. The rest of them often end up being what is currently known as "North American based missionaries" which means they live in America for the most part, travel regularly, and create havoc under the guise of do-good-ism. They never hesitate to tell me what I am doing wrong, even though I have lived here for 18 plus years and speak the language and have relational equity that they can not even see nor imagine. You just can't tell these folks anything, because they already know it all.

One year ago today

One year ago today

You left this world. Our new normal without you is really hard sometimes. More shallow and less significant, full of more meaninglessness. Less beautiful and less vibrant, more volatile and more colorless. The pleasures are smaller and have more space between them. The day to day seems more grinding and more pointless. While I would never wish you back here the way you were at the end, I mourn all that we lost that day and since. Grief is not what I expected both more and different and it feels like it will never end. My hope is that you are experiencing the grandest of moments in eternity, no one deserves such a future and present more than you. I wish I had been a better son, a better man, and honestly I am trying to be both now. On this hill in this cemetery on this one year anniversary of your departure, your resting place seems cold and lonely, but that is probably just me missing you. It is so hard to have clarity about how to finish well, and I wish you were here, all of you like you were 10 years ago so I could gain your wisdom once again. This first year without you has been a rollercoaster of emotions, and I think much about all that you gave me along the way, and pray that I can pay it forward nearly as well to my kids, your grandkids and greatgrandkids.

Last year we all gathered at this place to honor you. We sang songs you loved and said words to express how humbled we were to have you in our lives. It was a beautiful November day just like today, and just as empty in other ways. Half of our nucleus of four passed last year, but it seems like 4/5's gone.  I am trying to make a good go of it without you here, what choice do I have? But it takes too much energy. Other grievers just walked over your spot in this hill, unaware of what an amazing person they just passed as they brought a new bouquet for someone just down the hill from you. I hope they find more comfort than I have. 

Digital Nomading

Digital Nomading

I am returning from one of the digital nomad centers of the world, Chiang Mai, Thailand. In fact the AirB&B I was staying at is one of the hotspots and favorite hangouts of such folks. I saw some of them eating breakfast lunch and dinner there. Mind you the food is really good at Food4Thought and if I did not prefer to eat the local fare more, I could easily see myself doing the same. Many people I meet in the world want to do just this type of locationless remote work, but lack the hard skills to pull it off, or perhaps the cajoles. 

First of all "digital" which can mean a number of things. Telecommunications is what this currently means for me, not coding or software creation or blogging or whatever because I don't really understand how to monetize those things, although I certainly could learn. And for the record, I am not sure that sure that telecommunications alone would even qualify me for "digital" as every single person I have met to-date abroad hopscotching from one location to another has/is producing a "digital" product. Whereas I am in the people development business and that is not a digital product. Yet I depend on the internet to fully extend my reach and maximize my engagement with every client regardless of my immediate location on the planet surface. And admittedly I often fantasize about just sitting at this keyboard and producing something tangible that would pay the bills, and then what . . . I already get the best possible interactions with the best possible people in the world, how am I gonna improve on that?? I guess the growing ever stronger introvert in me wants more days of no interactions with anyone?? Not sure that is healthy.

And in case you are wondering about the purpose and point of this particular blog post, there is only free thinking time here, no real point at all. Wondering and thinking and enjoying the feel of the keyboard at 35k feet and letting my brain wander and create and connect loose points into some categories.

I am not a "dude" like all these digital nomaders are either. They are a hard drinking, fast living crowd of high-living ping pong balls. I understand the weight of my presence in a room and in a conversation, but my metrics are fairly different than this crowd. They have the local babes under their arms, a beer in each hand, paying way way too much for temporary humongous condos, and having a pissing contest with all other nomaders about how much money they can make how easily.

I on the other hand, have been married to the babe for 31 plus years, would love to be able to drink all the beer I want without the consequences, choose my destinations based on the face to face conversations I can generate from that location or the needs pulling me to that particular location, live small on purpose but not counting pennies, and am not impressed with material wealth at all really. Money is simply a tool to make things easier better faster. Relationships are life. Having said/wrote all that, I nomad plenty. To the point where I pretty much despise travel period. But I nomad toward relational connections, not internet speeds and cheap locations, because as I stated, I am in the people development business, not the traveling business.

So am I a digital nomad?? Totally. Am I the stereotypical digital nomad? Not at all. I am the much older, grandfatherly version of what most people think of and mean when they said digital nomad. Now its time to go write the book.

Sneezing and coughing on my food

Sneezing and coughing on my food

It's been that kind of week. The guy serving up the food, coughed right on my plate, right onto my food. Now I am not a germaphobe or anything like that, but hell even I can't get past the idea of some bloke coughing on my chow right before I am supposed to sit down and eat it. So that was a wasted $10.  And the same thing happened in Cambodia last month at the breakfast buffet, some dude from India or Bangladesh sneezed right on the buffet, in the fruit section. I don't know about you, but my meal is OVER when this happens and I know it has happened. 

It has been that kind of week, where everyone is metaphorically coughing and sneezing over my food, whether it is the police, the peeps at the ministry of health, or the peeps at the bank, it is like they are all out to get me, which of course I know is ludicrous, but it stills feels that way, when the overall experience with them is so negative. Some days I don't like it here at all. Not to mention that I have no interest whatsoever in chasing down this visa shit at the police, ministry of health and bank to begin with, none at all. Evidently I need to ride my motorcycle or some other mental  health activity!

Today is all you have

Today is all you have

Today was my last day in Asia on this trip. I added two new clients (one on Thailand and one in Myanmar), visited another client in Cambodia, visited some other peeps that don't quite fit into the client category yet I still contribute to their lives in some rich ways, and best of all, hung out and had some great conversations and times with my buddy Jim (who is also my boss in certain contexts :-)!) I am never bored here and I really love the perpetual summer weather, even the rain most days.

But today was the last day and I worked it to the max. I got up at 5:30 even after a late night with my AirB&B host as we were catching and enjoying a fine cigar together, since we had not seen each other in 2 years. Then on the bike and a 3800 foot climb to the peak of the mountain (while listening to an audiobook), then lifted weights, then returned the bike rental (and received another verbal spanking from Mr Tsa), and then grabbed a coffee, and then had my very favorite noodles, and then a quick shower and then a meeting (which resulted in a new client) while packing my bags rapidly and calling a GRAB taxi and headed to the airport for the first of four airports and three flights. 

Today is all you have. I packed just about everything imaginable into this day in the hours available while transitioning to different cities and jumping through all the airport hoops and security and changing airlines and waiting for bags and going through immigration as I am leaving one country and headed to another, and then another. But the place of my body on the planet doesn't determine the quality of the day. It does impact it, but only I have control of how I view what happens throughout the day. This is always a great lesson to remember.

There is nothing more satisfying

There is nothing more satisfying 

There is nothing more satisfying than when you hear a client say, "I need to form a different narrative about this event." The client had been relating a rather negative story of what had happened to him, (and he is not generally a negative person) and when he completed the tale, he then said the magic words that Made. My. Day. Week. Month! When a client hears what you say, sees the value of that wisdom and then starts using it as their own material - that is pure gold in my world. 

This one with JA was the most direct one of this particular trip, but on three other occasions while in Asia, I heard my words being bandied about. Lets be straight here, this is not about me, this is not about being appreciated, this about helping others succeed! It's all about the client, your partner, the person you are committed to helping move forward and thrive!

So if you completely can resonate with what I am saying here, if you can fully embrace not getting the credit or the star light or the big head, if you can give yourself totally to someone else shining and succeeding - have you considered a career in consulting? It can be the sweetest work you ever imagined.

The longest Halloween

The longest Halloween

When I woke up yesterday it was October 31. When I woke up today it was October 31. Such are the experiences of the International traveling sop who changes time zones far far too often. That would be me in case you are wondering. However I am generally thankful for each moment of my life, because first of all I realize how rare my opportunities are compared to the majority of the world and second, because I am enjoying my work more than ever before while ruthlessly practicing living in the immediate present. For someone like me who was formerly the ultimate version of future thinking, future worrying, future everything, this is a major major change for me. I do better at it some days than on other days. Those days (and especially evenings) where I succeed, I feel more complete and sleep far better.

So the longest Halloween was also a great memory. I don't carry any of the bad memories, obsessive theology, or cultural frustrations/joys about Halloween. For the last almost 40 years, it has simply been John's birthday. John being my roommate from college and one of my longest friendships/relationships in the world. And plus, it makes it super easy to remember, in fact almost impossible to forget. So a good long walk down memory lane about such an astonishing person as John, made the longest Halloween a fine day.

Floods headwinds and waiting

Floods headwinds and waiting

It was a disaster from the beginning, or you would think. When I opened the door in the pre-dawn gloom, there was six inches of water lapping at my feet! You know something is wrong when the water is that deep in the main dining room! Someone left the spigot tuned on! No! When I turn it off, the water keeps pouring. Burst pipe. I am here alone. Not my house. No idea where the water main is, and it takes me 30 minutes to realize that I can't fix this (i.e. stop the flow/flood) and call for help.

By now my morning ride is way behind schedule! And I have a full day beyond that scheduled. All you can do on a day like this is pedal harder and make up for lost time. If only it had ended there. So when I finally get on the road, I have a headwind right in my face, slowing me down, holding me back . . . you just keep on pedaling, and face the fact that while it is mentally twice as hard with a headwind, it is only actually slowing you fractionally.

And then with the breakfast break it continues. After crossing three incredibly steep and long mountain ranges, your body needs food! And so I stop at my usual place. Where I usually get my food in less than 10 minutes. Of course not today. 40 minutes later I am finally rolling out there, way way behind schedule. Pedal harder, focus more, keep pedaling.

And the final stretch finally comes into view, the last eight miles of the 56 total. And I hit every single traffic light as RED. All six of them. And now that I am out of the mountains, headwind again. Pedal harder, focus more, keep pedaling. Resilience and consistency and effort go a long long way. I made up almost a hour of time by pedaling harder, focusing more, keep pedaling. Even all these factors that I could not control, only pushed my schedule back by 20 minutes in the end, because of intensifying what I could control. Me. 

We are stronger than we think.

A babe in comparison

The trafficking and rescue operation was really amazing. Things have changed so much there since I was last cleared to visit the facility. This time I actually got to speak with six of the girls, as they shyly practiced their English on me. And since Asian men generally color their hair until they die, they all thought I was older than dirt with all my gray beard and gray hair. I had a good laugh about that, because I feel about as old a dirt much of the time. But compared to what these girls have gone through in their horrible short lives, I am a babe.

Comparison to those who you think are better off, rich, pretty, younger, more carefree, or whatever, is a great joy stealer. But sometimes, comparison to those who are far worse off, can be an excellent gratefulness, thankfulness, appreciation generator. I practice gratefulness each day on purpose, but this was sobering at the realization of how very little suffering I have ever experienced in my life. As if the Khmer Rouge was not enough to destroy Cambodia, then the traffickers, and the sex tourists, and the sex-pats and those who want to hurt and destroy, generate a system of slavery and abuse that affects every level of society. 

While I am thankful for all the privilege of my life, it is not enough. One has to take actions, give ferociously, work tirelessly, and make change happen for the sake of these individual girls, but also for the sake of the world at large too. This is what we get to do. Don't miss your part.

The contrast

It is a hot sweaty 99% humid Siem Reap Cambodia evening. Sitting by the pool having a fine cigar and a Jamisons. It is quiet and peaceful here where I am sitting, but that was not the experience a few moments ago in the night market. Endless offers, requests, propositions, hopes and wishes. Very dangerous for a man walking alone! 

It is difficult thinking about how close to the edge of survival these people are, and how little money was being asked for these proposals. As a friend of my recently remarked, we have never known what it is like to live like this. So close to disaster all the time. Desperate to eat today. To feed the kids a single meal a day.

Makes one despair unless you dig in and resolve to make a difference in this world. That is why I am here. This is what we were made for. This is what we are called to do.

I am being managed!

I am being managed!

It was shocking to discover. Not. Of course I am being managed. Mr Tsa has long been impressed with my abilities to burn through his bike repairs. I stretch chains faster than anyone, destroy front brakes faster than anyone, and log more miles than an antelope. So when I show up at his shop to rent a bike for the month, of course he is gonna manage me. He has 10 years of experience fixing my wear and tear on bikes. 

He started laughing when I showed up today. He said, "even I did not think you would be back for repairs this quick." I mean I have only put 400 measly kilometers on the bike these five days. But he happily told me why I was riding this bike, rather than one of his fancy bikes - he knew he was gonna have to fix it three or four times this month. And now it is as good as new. I mean I can't help it if it rains all the time nor that the mountains are so steep.

This is only one example of me being managed. I could tell you ways that my wife, my dad, my neighbors are all managing me. You are being managed too!

So the question is not if I am being managed, the question that is important is WHY am I being managed?? There are bad reasons for being managed, like you are a problem child, or like you are a bad attitude poisoning everything in your wake, or you horriblize everyone you talk about, or you only see the bad in everything, etc etc.

And there are great reasons for being managed, like I am a stud on a bicycle and yet Mr Tsa needs to make a profit. And reasons like I also bring great value to the lives of my wife, dad and neighbors, and so they manage me to keep things humming along. These are the calculations that we all make in order to keep things in the best possible balance, and to make sure that we raise boundaries against damage to ourselves and those we care about and those we interact with every day.

There are so many possibilities

There are so many possibilities . . . 

It can be paralyzing. It is imperative that we find and groom our best selves - to be more. If we fail to accomplish this, the best of those possibilities will never get sifted, tried, sharpened, experienced, polished, and this needs to happen on my own terms and definitions, not someone else's terms (to raise the bar, not make it more manageable). No whimpering exchange of time and effort for money. This requires far more risk, because I gotta own this.

You have to know your calling, how you can best serve, what you were designed to accomplish, what you are made of, how much grit you may have, where your lasting contribution will be made, what you are compelled to accomplish. This demands you push yourself on a completely new scale. This requires far more risk, because there are no more safety nets (actually they never existed before, but most delude themselves into thinking that there are safety nets around them).

In this VUCA world, remarkable leaders are more sorely needed than ever before. Take the chance, stop living a 9-5 life, and let's go change the world. It will probably take and cost everything, and then you are only at the beginning. But you can't take it with you when you leave this world, so why not die by living the most audacious life possible - life was meant to be spent (Wilson).

If this does not sound like you, or at least the you you want to become, then hit delete, this is not for you. Your possibilities are limited. Your risk is low.

We leave 15 minutes early?!

Anyone who spends as much time as I do, chasing flights and connections around the world, can tell you what a rare rare experience this is, for a flight to leave early. Not on time and not when scheduled, but early. I think this happens to me about once every 100 flights or so in a good year. This is the first time in about 2.5 years that this has happened the best I can recall. Needless to say, this is a huge anomaly. It bodes well for me, if this is the standard that the entire 3.5 week trip entails. I could really use some better than expected, or better than the norms experiences. Too much has been really disappointing in recent weeks.

What makes this early departure so great is that it exceeds my expectations! So few companies do this on a regular basis, that when it happens, it is worth noting and remembering. I regularly experience this with all things Apple, and most things Amazon. That is why they have not only my regular faithful business, but also endless recommendations to others in all my networks about how great they are and have been etc etc.  These recommendations are worth three to four times as much as my personal business transactions with these two businesses.

Apple and Amazon get it. They will work tirelessly to give me "exceed my expectation" experiences. Anything else for them would be a failure. And this is not to say that every product I purchase from Apple has been perfect. Nor is every transaction with Amazon and their market solutions always perfectly satisfying. But they are stellar enough that they are head and shoulders ahead and above anyone else out there. Can't believe that I used to feel this way about Toshiba computers, and then Sony computers, neither of which would I use as a tire chock for my 20 year old Renault today. You would have to pay ME big bucks to summit myself to those experiences again.hu

And why did I recently stop using Holiday Inn affiliate hotel, Candlewood Suites? Because of one horrific gaffe and all the little gaffe's that followed as they tried to "make up" for a huge leadership failure. I had one of the worst experiences ever in a hotel on my trip recently to PA from GA. Repeated calls to the front desk received no actions, finally only a threat to involve the local police and deputy sheriffs got me any relief at 3:36 am. I didn't think I should have to pay for such an experience, but I did - $178.10 worth, of which they eventually refunded me a third, and gave me 10,000 useless points on a less than useless card which I will never be able to take advantage of. And they wrote me a bunch of letters apologizing. But they never once admitted that they cost me a nights sleep, that they cost me business the following day, and that they are responsible for the property and grounds that we all pay them money for, so that we can SLEEP! When 11 pm rolled around it became clear that the party was not going to be stopped by the local employee's, I should have taken responsibility for myself and moved to another hotel, regardless of the cost, because my clients are worth that much and so am I. However I have properly voted after the event, by taking my considerable business account to other hotels, and most importantly telling my networks that you cannot reasonably expect the previous hotel chain to step up and do the right thing for you as the customer.

So an early departure? Exceeding my expectations? Damn right it is important. It is the only way to keep customers in the modern world, and I am far more forgiving than most of my fellow travelers! You can reference this "Good" is not enough - Lead Change Group blog to see my point and my point of reference.

How much things have changed

No Malev Airlines, no Czech Airlines, no MAT airlines, and these three were the primary airlines I would have used each day when we first moved to Macedonia 18+ years ago. They don't even exist any longer. When I flew out today, I flew on Qatar Airlines! And sitting at the gates were four aircraft for Wizz Air (yes that is really their name and no English is not their first language), one Austrian airline plane and then this A320 for Qatar. I am sitting here snacking on warmed mixed nuts and drinking a 15 year old Glenfiddich writing to you on a computer thinner than the old paper books of long ago with a touch screen and a Bluetooth keyboard, neither of which even existed when we first moved to Macedonia (and since I am going to rural Asia and roughing it a bit, I don't even have the nice new iPad Pro with me, but still the tech I do have with me was inconceivable 18 years ago).

That is the most basic summary of the massive world changing difference in air travel out of little old Macedonia in 18 years. Yes air travel is a lot less fun and pleasureable than it was 18 years ago, but many of the changes are for the better. More flying options, far cheaper, and the ability to actually get some awesome work done on a machine that does not even weigh a pound. And granted, this is on good days. Flying on those Wizz Air flights is serious Cattle Class battles ... 

And don't forget that my pilot is British and my cabin crew is Serbian and Macedonian  both schooled in USA Universities. While I may be flying a Muslim Airline, the staff is a great mixture of local and International, and all Western Trained. Having said that, this may be the oldest A320 I have flown on in two decades - no USB ports! No Screens in the back of the seat in front of you. I like it! 

The book I am currently reading "The New Leadership Literacies" says that the changes I am documenting here are nothing compared to the ones that will take place in the next 10 years! It hurts my brain to think about it! I can't wait!

Sleepwalking

I did not miss the irony that this post following the one entitled Rest, is Sleepwalking :-) . . . however . . . 

Too many days I can find myself sleepwalking through life. I don’t want to do this for even one single day ever. When I find that I am drifting along, and it is getting more and more difficult to focus throughout the day, then I am falling into sleepwalking. I am embracing ALL that could possibly be done, rather than focusing on and celebrating that which is most important to be done. I means I gotta resharpen my “no” and eliminate all the noise in life. I cannot do it all. Shouldn’t even try at this stage of my life, because i know far far too well that I can and must do few things well, and the payoff is clarity. No more sleepwalking!

Rest

A much overlooked aspect of PTA and DTA is rest. I am not talking only about the over advertised part sleep plays in this subject, but just rest as a central part of a healthy life. Far too many people start to scratch their heads at this point, because they have no idea what I am talking about. They are so overrevved and overclocked that rest is something no longer remember from their childhoods. 

I am currently on a rest. I am at the beach with all my children and grandchildren and nieces and their kids, as well as my parent, and even my brother's ex-wife! I know I know, that does not sound restful at all. But it is, because I am not emailing, video-conferencing, twittering, facebooking, browsing, studying, reading, or working at all. Instead I am having great conversations with my adult children, telling stories to my grandchildren, getting a tons of hugs, body-surfing the waves (and yes I am so sore I can barely move - priceless) listening to my son howl with laughter (this is something everyone should experience in their lifetime) and listening to the huge roar of the winning team in any particular game, no TV's are on (there are 7 of them in this huge condo), no one is sitting around staring at their phone, ok very little compared to normal, and this my friends is rest. Not to mention the hours of sitting on the balcony watching the storms, sunsets and sunrises while rocking in a chair. This my friends is rest.

Too much

Jon Wortmann writes that we are far far far too . . . everything. Our brains are simply not wired to stay engaged all all all the time. He points out that in the military when someone is on point, they rotate out every half hour, because few people can consistently focus intently for more than 40 minutes at a time without a break.

But most people in the West are living at the ragged edge, and their kids schedules are even worse! And we are constantly available to the entire world with our phones and the internet. We are so drained and focus depleted that we have nothing left. Work and the important things like love, relationships and living get the dregs that might remain. Add our constant movement from one place to another, along with the constant distraction of email, text and YouTube, then, well you get the picture, you live this life.

The problem with our global economy, political uncertainty, and reactive media is that too many of us are living at our edges. We work hard. Our kids’ schedules make us look like our schedules are calm. We play a lot. We travel constantly. We are on our phones frenetically. This means that our brains are always paying attention to something—until they can’t.

It is time to return to a more sane life, to regularly unplug and disconnect and have margin in our lives. This requires us to have a come-to-Jesus intervention in our schedules and expectations. Our mental health and our productivity demand that we do so. Let’s pace ourselves for the long haul, and a haul that produces more than frenetic movement and busyness, which by no one’s calculation is necessarily progress nor accomplishment.

You can read more of what Jon wrote here.

DTA

Those who are well read in the leadership and personal development fields are likely well versed in Greg McKeown and Essentialism - the diligent pursuit of less but better. One of the amazing ideas he espouses is PTA, Protect The Asset, and the asset is you! 

This is a wide ranging idea that covers everyone, no matter what your work, life and circumstances are like. If you have a high stress job that keeps you crippled and overextended, then PTA is the idea of making space and margin in that chaos so that you don’t burn out and and so that you can bring your best self to the work each day. If you have a high freedom job, like I do, then PTA takes a different bent.

As I was talking with a good friend/client today, it occurred to me in the middle of our conversation about PTA and the people we seek to develop, that a different acronym may serve us better - DTA - Develop The Asset, which once again is you and me. This idea came about as we were discussing that the key to successful development of others is development of yourself.

Read that sentence again. It is the crucial fulcrum of development, that I am developing me. This requires all kinds of intentionality and processes. As I wrote in my previous post about the Genuinely Wealthy, freedom to develop myself each day is real wealth. You can’t develop others if you aren’t moving forward yourself.

Genuinely wealthy

There are many many ways to calculate wealth. Most people just count the money. But honestly money does not equal wealth, at least not in my world. I have come to redefine wealth in terms of freedom. “Money pays the bills, but being able to control my own schedule and not miss out on family time is priceless.” That is true wealth in my world and in my understanding.  There are so so many ways to calculate wealth rather than with money alone.

First of all are the benefits that my current life brings me. The best perk is being able to define what I do and with whom and for how long. When I left my previous parent organization, this became one of the defining perks - that I no longer had to work with people I don’t like or care for or who are disgustingly negative with regularity. I get to work with the people that I can argue with yet not lose relationship over things, and that I enjoy. Best Benefits - the time to work out each day and develop myself each day and to invest in me each day. This alone is worth a 50% percent cut in pay, because the value is worth is 200%. Quite the payoff in my opinion.

Even though it is still 94 degrees on the balcony, I get to sit here and think and write and work on stuff that is important to ME. How do you put a price on that kind of stuff? You can’t, because it is more than a number in terms of what it means. I get to go to bed when I choose, I get to get up when I choose, I get to do what I want with whom I want each day, and that is worth more than any amount of money or financial compensation.

The genuinely wealthy don’t measure their lives in a a dollar figure. They measure their lives in advantages and benefits, and in non-monetary kinds of ways every day.

Enamel burning

There is nothing quite like the smell and taste of burning enamel, the kind of enamel that is on your teeth. In America, they numb you up so much that all you can do is vaguely get a small whiff of what is actually occurring in your mouth as they drill on your teeth. But here in Eastern Europe, four cavities filled with no novocain or pain relief of any sort, the smell and taste was keen and sharp. That was a two hour trip to hell today. I left the seat completely soaked and a puddle of stress sweat in my wake today. I had to come home and take a couple of hours to find my equilibrium again. Which included an hour long nap! Which I never do any more! That was probably my first nap in over three years, maybe longer. My neck feels like some hit me with a large hammer, and that I may never recover. I am such a wimp I know, but I totally had to come home and change every single piece of clothing today. These are the few times in my life where I miss North America.

It clings to you

Today I read, “... grief didn’t work that way. You couldn’t squash it out or get over it. You just had to get through it, but it was like a spider’s web. It clung to your skin.” So very accurate. It just clings to you and you never know how it may work itself out on a particular day. 

Yesterday was my brother’s birthday. He would have been 53 years old. I am appalled at how much that stumped me yesterday. How much that stopped me in my tracks. I had to take a long day to just grieve. So many lost moments and opportunities and moments of LIFE.  To just understand that I am alive and he is not and just be ... I am unaccustomed to giving myself so much compassion and space to just feel. It is hard to be patient with myself and let me grieve his going, and the hole that presents us in the fabric of life. 

It is not something you get over or around, just through. It clings and bites and hurts and costs and just is. Why does no one ever talk about the price that comes with grief? What it demands and what it takes? There is no calculator that can compute what price it extracts. I am not angry, just more lost than anything else. Just wish I could sleep through it all and wake up from this terrible nightmare.

When I am the first person on an early morning ride up the mountain, I catch all the webs that the spiders have spun across the road. This clings like that, nothing you can do about it but go through. 

pace and luxury

I have noticed something wonderful in the last three weeks, that my pace of work and life has coalesced into the perfect luxury. I can write! That is such a wonderful piece of life! But what I mean is that I am just busy enough that I can still write!!

Did I tell you what a great gift that is for me? It is awesome. It means that I have found the perfect rhythm, the precisely correct amount of work and tasks and activity to be my very best. The exact amount of focus and time and effort to produce the most amazing pieces. Everything has fallen in The Zone.

The best possible synergy of all things balance and life and work. The right amount of emails, video chats, calls and SMS to get done in a day. The right amount of demands and productivity to strike the perfect storm of production every day. This pace is a luxury unrivaled. Of course I am going to Ukraine next week and it will be wrecked once again. Then I am going to the States and staying with my dad and it will be a disaster once again, but this pace does actually exist. It is The Zone, that I can always strive for and toward. It will let me know when I am there, where work feels effortless and freeing and stress-free. Do you know what your right pace feels like?

This means that I say “no” pretty much to everything else that comes my way, regardless how sexy or awesome the opportunity sounds. The decisions you make about your life work and the important pieces of your life (not the urgent or loud pieces) need to be made in the cold abstract of deep thinking, not in the moment when the board is selling you on becoming their next CEO. And for clarity’s sake, I have been offered multiple CEO and other sexy positions of large power and money, and it takes me about 5 seconds to say no, because I have already decided what is important to me and life. This is not a missed opportunity, it is intentionally avoiding a horrible humongous distraction. 

July flies

As I am sitting out on my balcony enjoying a fine Dominican Republic cigar at the end of a 96 degree July day, seeing the mountain ranges to the West, and thinking about what a great month this has been, I remembered the July flies from my youth in rural Georgia. They are better known perhaps as annual cicadas which emerge in late July or early August.

I came around to thinking about those boyhood sounds and insects because I will be heading back to Georgia in a week and will be hearing them again. But that prompted me to reflect on how this month has flown by - July flies indeed. This is significant at the moment, in this cycle of life, as I have had one of the most productive months of the last 15 months, - because of deaths, weddings and the challenges of those life events.

Writing blogs is a great way for me to measure how productive I have been, because it requires time and space and the right mindset in order to write. And I have written more blogs this month, than at any point in the last three years. While they may not have been the best blogs I have written, they have certainly flew off the digital page so to speak. With my return to the States and living in the situation with my dad, this will come to a close.

That is not bad, it just is one of the realities of sharing my dad’s twilight years with him. No full attention to my thoughts and no deep work is possible, and again I state, that is not bad, because I know that I can still produce my best stuff given the right setting and opportunities. Something I was no longer positive was true after all the holes were torn into the fabric of our family these past 15 months. (I in fact wrote quite a few more than I published).

Writing blogs requires two things: the margin in which to order one’s thoughts, and the important work and experiences each day to make putting those events down in writing significant. Both are more complicated than that, yet that simple at the same time.

So yes . . . July flies . . . and has flown.

Missile avoidance??

I have to confess that although I have lived in some hairy places around the world, this was an approach like no other I have ever experienced. We were flying along, descending from cruising altitude like normal, when suddenly the plane drops to about 300 meters off the ground and begins a series of S maneuvers like I have never experienced. Either the pilot was drunk, or, the pilot was a proud Ukrainian and he wanted to give us incredible multi-G-force views of Ukrainian agricultural practices, or, the pilot was hugging the ground avoiding the Russian radar just down the road and taking no chances on meeting an incoming missile since they have already shot down one plane. My bet is on the last option, it is the only one that makes sense given the military action in the region. 

Then there was the end, which far more resembled a crash than a landing. I thought the pregnant woman in my row was gonna give birth immediately. I am not sure I have ever gone through a more painful and sudden landing in my long years of flying (over 40 years). 

Of course no information was given to us, and this is pure speculation, but it was definitely a landing approach I will never forget! 

The problem of no boundaries

Most Americans who grew up in the church will immediately think of moral boundaries or ethical behavior when reading this title, and we absolutely need those. That goes without saying. But I am more addressing the infinite possibilities that the world affords us today. I find this to be one of the most pressing personal challenges of almost every leader I work with in Europe, Asia and North America.

We have almost boundless choices and endless options. The possibilities that this creates for us in our work and life are astonishing. We love having choices. We can live amazing realities with all these choices. But all these exhausting options and flexibility is also The Problem. Because you have to CHOOSE. And if you choose poorly (to quote an Indiana Jones movie) you lose. You lose all the other possibilities and options that the other choices would have afforded you.

This, my friends, is the horrible conundrum of the modern world. So so so many choices . . . this we generally perceive as a great thing . . . but we have to choose, and this we generally perceive to be a bad thing.

There are in fact so many options, that I find ordering food at a restaurant in the States to be an extremely exhausting experience. And those aren’t even important choices! The choices I make about life and love and work and meaning and eternity are the critical ones, they convey all the significance of a life well lived, or all the regrets of one poorly lived.

As Eric Barker says, “You have to make a decision. The world will not draw the line. You must. You need to ask What do I want? Otherwise you’re only going to get what they want.”

OW?

This is my organizational handle. Everyone calls me this! In my previous parent organization, my name could split a room, divide a group, foster a new schism, create anger and chaos faster than Satan himself. In my new (well nine years now is no longer new, but since I spent 23 years with the previous org. this one still feels new) organization, I am the ambassador of peace, the bringer of wisdom, the force of stability and dependability for the entire network.

What changed? Well the pool changed, and my fish looks very different in this pool than in my previous pool. I did change some, but not much. I am still the same old salty dog crusty and unfriendly as ever. But how did I ever obtain the designation of OW - Obi Wan Kenobi? The famed Jedi master from the first Star Wars film? Only Yoda has more swagger than Obi Wan Kenobi! 

It is incredibly important to be in the right pool. As Eric Barker states in his book “Barking up the wrong tree, ” . . . but sometimes an ugly duckling can be a swan if it finds the right pond. The thing that sets you apart, the habits you may have tried to banish, the things you were taunted for in school, may ultimately grant you an unbeatable advantage.” 

Changing ponds/pools did not make me a better missionary or pastor or person. But it did completely and totally change my role within the organization. Maybe after you have tried everything for decades to make it work well, you have to change the pool to be a different fish.  May the Force be with you.

Something fixed something broken

Well it is Saturday and I am working hard at not working. Does that make sense?  Honestly relaxing is hard work, or effort, finding the way to just BE is so . . . seems to take so much energy! Clearly I need more practice and more success. Mostly I just need to chill I guess.

So lets write about it, that has to be good therapy, and good practice. So as I laid out my day to relax and chill, I had planned to take off to the lake for the second half of the day, spend the night, do some serious bike riding and then return tomorrow. But after I finished my sports massage I came out and the car would not crank. Not a happy experience under any circumstances, but especially after the car had been in the shop for 10 days!!

Thank God there was a battery store not too far away and so I had a new one installed and off I go. Thought I should give the old car a good test run before packing up and heading out and low and behold, I had a brake caliper or something start to freeze up and make the most awful moaning sounds and then I could smell the brakes getting hot. Got it to release by pumping the brakes some and headed back to the apartment. Since it is a stick shift, I was able to do most of the braking on the way home by downshifting. And since it was Saturday afternoon, pretty much everything is closed until Monday. So no chance of repair until then. And going out of town is now not an option.

So I made the best of a day with all the plans down the toilet and it has been good. Not perfect, but good. Another great cigar and another great view. Thus I got a new battery, but I need new brakes. And I am blogging! Another day in the hairy armpit.



Undervaluing customers is underperforming

It is the end of a long week and a long day. The Renault Dealership has had my car for the last 10 days and basically did nothing to check the problems that the car has been having. I am a low priority customer, because I have an old old car, and I am a foreigner, and I use the car very little relative to other customers . . . but I am STILL a customer. A customer with cash and a future of business to deliver to you, if you treat me well. More importantly I drive other customers their direction, or not.

Plus I am a relaxed customer not bugging you endlessly to put me at the front of the line. A patient paying customer. At least call me and tell me what is going on with the service challenges that you are facing, or the parts problem that you have, or the lack of mechanics, or whatever the problem is . . . but don’t make me call and call and have you never answer the phone, or worse yet come over there repeatedly to see what and where we are with this process. 

Renault service has always underperformed somewhat, but this one was the straw that broke the future we could have had together. Someone else will get that business from now on.

So I am letting them go. Instead of worrying about it any longer, I am putting this all down on digital paper and out of my mind and enjoying a nice cigar on my balcony.



The threat of rain

It can change every plan. But should it? However it almost always does. I wish it hadn't. Wishing I had press through with my plans, suffered the chance of getting wet and cold, even the highly likely chance, would have been better than the change of plans, by the threat of rain. Life will always have such threats, just need to move ahead and bring the raincoat.

When your policies and procedures hurt you and your bottom line

I recently had an astounding discussion with my travel agent about changing my business class ticket for an upcoming trip. Due to the fluid nature of one of the companies I work with, I need to CANCEL the last two legs of this upcoming flight. In other words, I would have been happy to just get off the trip at the end of the first leg and not fly the last two flights all the way back to Skopje.

The company that I work with, would have then just booked me a separate flight to the board meeting in Malta and then on to Skopje afterwards. I was not asking for a refund or credit (though I gladly would have taken it, had it been offered). This potential change in plans would have saved the airline thousands of dollars by freeing up several business class seats on two different flights.

Instead, Lufthansa insisted that I pay 2500 euros in order to save them money, seats, labor and effort, by ending my return flight with them in Frankfurt!! So of course we are not going to take that option. Thus we set about just changing the flight to a single economy seat flight to Malta from Frankfurt, once again, saving them two business class seats/flights that they then could have sold to another customer. They only wanted 900 euros to effect this particular change!

Needless to say, we took none of these options. Lufthansa lost thousands of dollars by not working with me on this. I am sure this makes sense to someone somewhere, but for the life of me (and my client) we can’t figure it out at all. This makes no business sense in any way for a regular business in the for-profit sector. I understand that they have their policies and procedures, but Lufthansa costs me several grand last year with similar situations, when I was shuffling flights because of my brother’s death and my mom’s death. Made no matter to Lufthansa. This is not my idea of business agility or customer service.

The lesson I need to take away here is that I can choose policies and procedures and have all the SOP I want, but they should never be more important than the person who pays my bills and keeps me in business.

Only here? Probably not.

It is a most unfortunate experience, but one I have repeated over and over these past 23 years of living abroad, that the right hand has no idea what the left hand is doing, and here I am speaking of governments. I got caught today in another one of those political hamster wheels.

Each year we have to renew our visa’s. So each year we receive a new plastic social security card, with our pic on it. Each year they take that card away from us when we apply for a new one. And in-between these plastic card cycles, we get a white piece of paper that tells one and all, that we are completely legit legally here, etc etc. One of the parts of this annual lunacy is that we are required to purchase the national health care, and that is withdrawn from our local bank accounts each month.

This national health care process is super sporadic and unpredictable, with the bills coming sometimes months late, or sometimes months early, but you generally have about 3 days to pay them (i.e. rush to the bank and make sure there is enough money in there, and sign all the forms with a special teller for such matters at the bank). Then you are good. 

So as I mentioned I am in-between plastic cards, but I have the white slip of paper from the police, and this time the cycle is gonna be LONG between plastic social security cards, because the machine that makes them is broken. So what shows up? Right, the national health care forms for the months of Aug-Nov. I have three days in which to pay before the forms “expire”. So I go to the bank to pay them this morning, and guess what? Right again. The bank will not allow me to put money in the account, nor will they allow me to process the forms for the required health insurance without the plastic social security card. And of course I can’t get the plastic social security card without paying these national health care fees. The circle of government not at work.

A great quitter?

A great quitter?

I need to hone my quitting skills. But I need to do it in such a way that it brings more, not less. Let me explain.

In the book "Barking up the wrong tree" author Eric Barker states, "That’s one of the reasons we all feel so rushed, so tired, and like we’re not getting enough done or making enough progress. We all have only twenty-four hours in a day. Every day. If we use an hour for this, we’re not using it for that. But we act like there are no limits. When we choose an extra hour at work, we are, in effect, choosing one less hour with our kids. We can’t do it all and do it well. And there will not be more time later. Time does not equal money, because we can get more money."

So I need to quit sooner, to the things that give or produce less in order to give more to those actions which produce the best stuff. I need to hone my quitting skills. Part of this is realizing that I am a lazy butt canoe at the core, and that most of the things I need to quit quicker are the lazy ass things I fill my life with. 

Barker continues, "We always think we need more: more help, more motivation, more energy. But in our current world the answer is often the exact opposite: we need less. Fewer distractions, fewer goals, fewer responsibilities. Is that so we can watch more TV? No. We need less of those things so we can go all in on our priorities. The question is what are you going to do less of? What are you going to quit or say no to in order to make time for what matters most?"

Enough said.

The super people eater

The super people eater

These last four days have been people packed. For a mild introvert, it has been exhausting. But this is the only way to get the important stuff done in life and work, since I am also in the people business not just in the idea business. Insult to injury is that I have had no internet connection for the last three days and so all my idea work has been set aside completely and I have ONLY had people packed hours with no mitigating idea work along the way. The super people eater.

However this morning, I am sitting here on a beautiful patio in Munich with a fine cup of coffee, and a Bluetooth keyboard and iPhone (and yes the screen is a little small, but this is a travel lite trip) and the three kids haven't yet descended on me, and thus I can make some idea work time, and even have a decent ambience for it, and the minimum tools. I will connect with the World Wide Web all too soon.

So here I sit gnawing on how to help these folks move forward. They have a solid calling, a solid faith, more than decent hard skills, have raised the money and are now in Munich. But who to work with and in what ways? We have no history or network in Munich so we have to build it all from the ground up. They are going to succeed just fine, but I want to go big, and so need to think out how to help them do that well. Suck it up David and make it happen!

New beginnings, really Apple?

This is the first time I have traveled with the Apple keyboard and iPad Pro along with Apple Pencil, rather than my Logitech Keyboard and iPad Pro. The difference is that I had two Apple Bluetooth keyboard’s, but one hasn’t worked (pairing unsuccessful every time) for 3-4 years, and this one I kept as part of my laptop into desktop set up along with a monitor and trackpad, etc, etc. But I love the feel and form of these Bluetooth keyboards, and so on a whim, I decided to take the one that would not pair, to the iStyle store near me and see what it would cost to repair it.

Only with Apple does this kind of experience regularly occur with me and various repairs over the years . . . they are just gonna replace the old Bluetooth keyboard completely, even though it is long long out of warranty and I haven’t used it for at least three years, (since the keyboard I am typing on also has Thai characters on it, that tells me the latest time frame I could have purchased it)!!!!!!!

So the new beginnings are: trying out this new working setup, with this keyboard and pencil with this new iPad Pro, and I also am trying out a new “ebag” on this trip too, and I already have had one very positive experience with that new bag, in that I did not have to take out my iPad Pro during security! That was excellent! The only thing that I miss of the old setup at the moment is the ability to use the same keyboard with three different  devices, with just the press of one button. 

Now I am gonna try to switch to typing on my iPhone with this keyboard. Pretty certain that I have to pair it to the iPhone separately and that will mean it is no longer paired to this iPad Pro. . . . it was worse than that . . . I had to “forget this device” before it would show up on the second device as a possible Bluetooth device, and then once it did, pair it. Then again the whole process to go back to the iPad Pro with the keyboard. 

Other than that, so far this is a really smooth work setup. Will know better after 6 days on the road. Off to Berlin and Munich we go.

Too much of a good thing?

There is a consistent stream of thought in the leadership world, that those who work the smartest are those who take excellent care of themselves so that they can perform at optimum levels for the maximum long haul. That doesn't necessarily mean working more, but it definitely means working better.

These last three days in Malta have been the best days ever. Except for sleep, I gorged on everything - friendships, conversations, working out, meetings, prayer, food and drink, cigars and thinking. The old me would have felt totally guilty for indulging in all these things, the new me understands that this is actually and practically, top of the line, world class PTA - Protecting The Asset - and I am the Asset.

Is there too much of a good thing? I don't know, and honestly am not sure if that is the right question. Perhaps the question is "is there enough of the good things in order to do a proper smash-up job of self-care in a caustic and demanding world?" So yeah, I crammed a bunch of them in over the last 48 hours or so, but seeing how I am feeling energetic, powerful, creative, in the zone, grateful, empowered, hopeful, thankful, and spiritually strong, I would say that there is no such thing as too much of a good thing.

The terrible beauty of it all

Sometimes the most difficult things, the most demanding things, are the best, and cost the most

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty … I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

This quote is so potent in the modern world. Roosevelt wrote it a 100 years ago, but it means so much more in an instant gratification world, a world that largely expects so much for so little, and finds itself angry at the slightest obstacle or impediment to that instant gratification. I don't want to be this way.

The average American (over the age of 12) watches over 1700 HOURS of television annually, which is roughly 30% of all their waking hours. The weekends are the real killers for logging those hours. (Got this from Darren Hardy's book "The Compound Effect). Imagine all the lost possibilities in those TV hours! I don't want to be this way.

The most difficult things are saying no to almost everything, so that you can say yes to the few awesome things, and even that requires you to get up at 2:30 AM after changing six times zones just 30 hours before, and catch another flight out. But the rewards are priceless. It would be all too easy to watch TV and be a couch potato, but the better choice is clear . . . and difficult.

So as I watched the sun rise this morning from 38000 feet in the air, after having been up and awake for three hours already, the terrible beauty of having that difficult opportunity is very humbling, but world-changers choose this life over the easy path. I want to be this way.

Shaping how we understand our lives

The more time I spend with my dad in his later years, and hear newly polished stories of his youth and life past, and at the same time endless stories of suspicion and fear about the present, and finally obsession with ever ache and pain and sick friend enemy and relative no matter how far away, the more I am convinced that the stories we tell ourselves. shaped our understanding of how we perceive our lives. My dad is not alone, he is only an example of all of us, as we all tell ourselves stories about the intentions of others, the importance or unimportance of every event, the meaning of all the foci of our lives. This inner chatter may be the single most critical changeable factor in our daily lives.

Or as Leo Babauta stated, "At the end of the day, the questions we ask ourselves determine the type go people we will become." Questions questions questions - the foundations of the stories we tell ourselves. What kind of father will I be or have I been? What type of husband will I be or have I been? If my marriage is less than I desire or expect, what responsibility and actions will I take to make it strong better and richer? Or will I simply lay blame around like poison on the tip of an arrow? How will I make the world a better place? What value will I provide for my circles of relationships or clients? What character will I bring to the challenges of life that I have no control over? Will I be a giver or a taker? And this can, and does, go on until the end of our days.

Now the tricky part is to ask ourselves these questions, not just feel (i.e. react) our way through life. I don't know about you, but my base reactions are far less than I desire when I step back and use some brain power and forecasting in the process of life. I want my inner chatter to come to the place where it reflects the life I chose to live, rather than the feelings of the moment. I want to shape my life, not only have it shape me. I choose to bring my best self into play each and every day.

Directions

Directions

Normally folks ask directions of people who look like they belong right? Well today is the weird anomaly in the sense that three people have asked me for directions today and no one in their right mind would ever mistake me for a local. Hair too long, beard too wild, clothes too young, skin too white, etc etc. Maybe it was the bottle of whiskey I was carrying? Maybe it was the jacket I was wearing? Maybe it was the way I was walking and carrying myself? Who knows . . . 

After some thought, it was mostly just a matter of convenience I bet, in the sense that I was the handiest person to ask? The best part was that I actually knew all three places I was being asked to give directions toward . . . that felt powerful and wonderful. When you can deliver what people need and seek, it gives a great feeling of accomplishment and significance.

It was like after church today, when a Dutch guy came up to me and told me that this was the best worship service he had heard in two years! Followed by another worshipper who communicated how awesome today was for him and how much he enjoyed hearing me play the guitar. Made all the work and effort all the more wonderful and worth it. There is simply nothing as good as knowing where the goal is located and delivering it well. Directions - leadership 101.

There will come a day . . .

There will come a day . . . 

"There will come a day when you would give everything you have left to have what you have right now." As I am coming through one of the most surprisingly difficult weeks of my life, a time of recent family death anniversaries, I was wonderfully blessed that this article resonanted deeply in me today. The bottom line is this, as difficult as today is with all these deep feelings of grief and other things, that I will still soon find myself in a time, where I would give everything to have what I have right now. Of course this is not about material things for me, but rather my work, my life, . . . what I HAVE rather than what I DON'T have. Its about the life I can live today, not the losses that we have experienced these last few years. It is about being grateful and appreciative, rather than consumed with what is gone. Because for the vast majority of people and their experiences toward the end of life, the losses will mount and mount ever higher, and so what I have TODAY may well be the best I can ever look back on.

One year ago today . . .

One year ago today

Today is the one year anniversary of the worse day in my life, when I got a call from my niece telling me that my brother was dead. It has been a really difficult year, and frankly it is unbelievable that a full year has come and gone. And it is funny-sad-weird how angry I am, yet dying is a normal part of living right? What is there to be angry about? All the couch psychologists out there are thinking that this is simply one of the normal cycles and seasons of grieving and they would be right and they would be wrong.

My brother was not a simple person. Life could never measure up to his ideals, and so crushed by the harsh realities, he instead lived life of self medication, on the edge of depression and anger for decades. With the decades of self medication came a host a medical ills and pains and chronic conditions that self-medicating only made worse and worse. I am glad that I spent some good quality time with him in his last years. I am thankful that my wife gave me the freedom to do so.

The most horrible and difficult thing I ever had to do in my life was call my parents one year ago today, and watch them melt before my eyes as I told them their youngest son was gone forever. There is simply a big black hole in the fabric of life that was once him, for all of us. There is no getting it back, there is no fixing it, there are no answers for a life now gone.

As I sit here on the same balcony, where I received the news that he was gone, I can't help but think that he had lots of living left to accomplish, he is missing so many wonderful things in his girls lives, in his granddaughters lives, in my life, in my parents lives. 51 years is not nearly enough to finish this thing we call life. And now the lives of all of us are changed for forever, because he is not here to share it with us.

The Monday blues?

The Monday blues?

There are so many things that we associate with Mondays. One of my favorite songs as a teenager was "Just Another Manic Monday" by the Bangles. Just another Monday-bashing song actually, but sometimes Monday's can be magical and fun and productive. Especially if you take the weekend for what it was meant to be used for, to disconnect, unwind, rest, restore, a digital dotoxification, and no email. Then Monday feels like a great opportunity to jump in and get some important stuff accomplished rather than the continuation of an ongoing grind that you may not enjoy.

And the finish is so important. Me? I did it with a nice dinner on the balcony on this lovely Spring day with my wife, having a conversation about the beautiful sunset and the nice ambience and the perfect temperatures. Snow-capped mountains visible in the distant horizon, good food, and a nice cold dark beer.

Sure there are lots of things to be concerned about and to yet accomplish this week, but we are off to a great start. And yet . . . this week marks the one year anniversary of my brother's passing . . . and that weighs heavy on all of us. We miss him as if it happened yesterday rather than a whole year past. But there is so much living left to be doing, we can't let what we can't change destroy the possibilities of the present and our effects on today and tomorrows.