When I was a kid, there were loads of dirt-roads around . . . no asphalt or cement to be found at all. And these roads often had huge ruts! When I was a little whiper-snapper I thought they might swallow my dad’s truck whole and that we would never get out. Some of them seemed to have teeth and lips, just waiting to suck us in.
I am discovering that those ruts of my childhood were the easiest ones in life. The pot-holes and ruts of adult life are feelings of being trapped, or stagnant in the sense of not moving nor making any progress, and feeling irrelevant and life having no meaning . . . this is what I mean by being stuck in a rut. Bob Walker asks the question, “If you could do anything you wanted, if God told you that you were free to choose, if you had all the time, energy, money, staff and education you needed, and you knew that you could not fail, what would you do?” (This question came to me via B. Biehl)
What a question huh? And as I understand it, most people love this question and find themselves set free as they try to answer it and then start baby steps toward reaching it. This is the question that often leads people toward their dreams. It helps them in many ways, but especially in discovering the next step. But what if your answer is “nothing”?
Either my rut is way deeper than Dr. Walker ever anticipated or ever seen, or I am a hopeless case because I have no answer to this question. Does that mean I don’t want to do something? No it means that I don’t know what that something is. This is more than a rut; it’s a crater.
Some folks tell me it’s mid-life whatever, and I tell them that I have already passed mid-life number one and two, I have never heard of mid-life crisis lasting for years on end. It’s a hole so deep that there is no light coming through either end. It smells of despair.
I am discovering that those ruts of my childhood were the easiest ones in life. The pot-holes and ruts of adult life are feelings of being trapped, or stagnant in the sense of not moving nor making any progress, and feeling irrelevant and life having no meaning . . . this is what I mean by being stuck in a rut. Bob Walker asks the question, “If you could do anything you wanted, if God told you that you were free to choose, if you had all the time, energy, money, staff and education you needed, and you knew that you could not fail, what would you do?” (This question came to me via B. Biehl)
What a question huh? And as I understand it, most people love this question and find themselves set free as they try to answer it and then start baby steps toward reaching it. This is the question that often leads people toward their dreams. It helps them in many ways, but especially in discovering the next step. But what if your answer is “nothing”?
Either my rut is way deeper than Dr. Walker ever anticipated or ever seen, or I am a hopeless case because I have no answer to this question. Does that mean I don’t want to do something? No it means that I don’t know what that something is. This is more than a rut; it’s a crater.
Some folks tell me it’s mid-life whatever, and I tell them that I have already passed mid-life number one and two, I have never heard of mid-life crisis lasting for years on end. It’s a hole so deep that there is no light coming through either end. It smells of despair.
7 comments:
I'm not sure if this is any help at all, just some observations about my own life...what I'm supposed to do is only a general heading that specifics seem to fall under and then morph totally. I used to be a cross the t's, dot the i's and have to know every blessed detail of anything before jumping. Now I feel like a cartoon character whose each step makes the surrounding landscape appear. It's weird, unnerving to a control freak such as myself, sort of crazy and off-putting oftentimes. I sometimes think the most ungodly person knows more about God than me because I forget how to just live. Still, I know it's not true, and I'm reminded of that when I see how confused and how lost so many folks are. I guess in the hole of despair there's only one place to look, and that's up.
Dude, I've had this post open in my browser for a couple of days, pondering what you've said.
It goes without saying that I don't have all the answers. I do know that some times are better than others for questions like the one you posed: “If you could do anything you wanted...."
In certain times questions like that bring energy, enlightenment and the responses that you articulate so well. But during other times, when one is deeply fatigued, questions like that don't prompt any motivating answers; they only prompt numb, blank responses.
You're deeply fatigued...don't ask questions like that now. Save them until home assignment when you can take long bike rides in the country-side.
I love you my friend, hang in there.
We agree with what Jeff said 100%. Especially the love part. Here's a test question: Do you love your job? If the answer is "yes", you're fatigued. If the answer is "no" you're looking at burnout.
I can feel for you so much. I too struggle daily for a way out of that same crater. I have lacked joy in what I do for so long it has become a sad part of my existence. It has grown beyond work and is threatening family and church life as well. I (with the presuasion of a dear friend) have decided that for me a change of scenery and focus would do me well. So he and I and several others are coming to HA to help you with the building project. I can already feel a change in my attitude there is a spark of excitment that I have not felt in a long time. I pray that our crew will be able to ease any feeling of burn-out that you may be feeling.
I don't assume there is a cure for the Pit of Despair (unless the Spaniard shows up), but I would change the starting question.
I have a large amount of skepticism regarding current American church culture in general, and here specifically its love affair with purpose, accomplishment and efficiency. It seems to leave fairly important things (like God's purposes and people) too far down in the equations.
As I skim through the NT, I don't find that question - I find writers describing who God is and how we live in relationship with Him and other people, from a base of Him, not Us.
David, you are one of the people I most highly respect for how you live in relationship to God and people. I'm looking for Him to give you meaning and deep satisfaction (at least by the time you die) in what He's given you to do, that which you are doing so well and with such integrity.
Dear David,
NOBODY is a hopeless case in Gods eyes! Psalm 34:8+9 and Psalm 37:24.
Don't forget you are so special for Him! He is the only real purpose in life.
Take care of yourself, your family and enjoy the wonderful things God gives! Read! Sing! Shout out psalm 40. And take your life and responsibilities easy!
I will pray for you!
Blessings Charlotte
Last time I answered that question it came from God and I told Him I wanted to be a missionary.... so now what do I do? Di
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