“Can I have some more of that fuzzy water?“ my niece asked. That would be ”bitter water“ in the local vernacular. Gassed water, bubbly water, mineral water and a half a dozen other names, but never ”fuzzy water“. But Rachel calls it just that. Of course, we all are calling it that now.
But the not only is the water fuzzy, but so is life sometimes. I have been trying to work though to some mega-thoughts and challenges recently, and they are all still fuzzy. But here is how far I have gotten so far . . .
. . . lots of people are living outside apparent reality, or under the radar of observable behavior, or stealthily having a double life is what more and more people seem to be doing. Or they do what I do sometimes, think entirely opposite of all said and stated beliefs . . . thinking that is completely and totally in contrast to all that I have worked for, with, and toward for the last 27 years.
How can this be? Well perhaps it is simply an anomaly with me, but I think not because it seems that I am running into more and more people my age that are living two lives, or at the very least thinking two lives. The why of this has puzzled me greatly . . . especially about myself and my thinking. These two worlds are fighting against one another and they ultimately lead to completely opposite directions in life.
The fact that I can even be having these conversations with myself points to a great dilemma; is anything I have believed for the last 27 years even valid?
You can chalk this conversation up to six or seven possible apparent reasons, but they all fall short in the end . . . I know, I have been thinking about this stuff lots for the last 4-6 years. One side of me, the pastoral side, wishes to help people resolve the two-thinking dilemma. Another side of me, the self-righteous arrogant person, wants to shout at all such people you are double-minded and an enemy to the Kingdom! There is another part of me, the opposite-side-of-all-stated-beliefs side, that wishes to just walk away from it all . . . the conflict, the controversy, the conversation, period.
It at the very least shows me how fuzzy life can be, and how deceitful my heart can be. In the end though, I have complete confidence that Jesus can see to the heart, and the heart of the matter . . . His discernment has no fuzziness at all.
But the not only is the water fuzzy, but so is life sometimes. I have been trying to work though to some mega-thoughts and challenges recently, and they are all still fuzzy. But here is how far I have gotten so far . . .
. . . lots of people are living outside apparent reality, or under the radar of observable behavior, or stealthily having a double life is what more and more people seem to be doing. Or they do what I do sometimes, think entirely opposite of all said and stated beliefs . . . thinking that is completely and totally in contrast to all that I have worked for, with, and toward for the last 27 years.
How can this be? Well perhaps it is simply an anomaly with me, but I think not because it seems that I am running into more and more people my age that are living two lives, or at the very least thinking two lives. The why of this has puzzled me greatly . . . especially about myself and my thinking. These two worlds are fighting against one another and they ultimately lead to completely opposite directions in life.
The fact that I can even be having these conversations with myself points to a great dilemma; is anything I have believed for the last 27 years even valid?
You can chalk this conversation up to six or seven possible apparent reasons, but they all fall short in the end . . . I know, I have been thinking about this stuff lots for the last 4-6 years. One side of me, the pastoral side, wishes to help people resolve the two-thinking dilemma. Another side of me, the self-righteous arrogant person, wants to shout at all such people you are double-minded and an enemy to the Kingdom! There is another part of me, the opposite-side-of-all-stated-beliefs side, that wishes to just walk away from it all . . . the conflict, the controversy, the conversation, period.
It at the very least shows me how fuzzy life can be, and how deceitful my heart can be. In the end though, I have complete confidence that Jesus can see to the heart, and the heart of the matter . . . His discernment has no fuzziness at all.
1 comment:
Yea, I can relate to that "fuzzy" stuff too! Actually, it's difficult to weed out what is true and not here, what can you believe? Who can you believe? Do I believe myself sometimes? Di
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