This is my future unless I choose a different present

What? Where? When? How? Yes. All of these. Wherever you are in life, whatever you are in life, whenever you are in life, however you are in life today, this is your future unless you choose a different  action today. A different present. A new course of near-future experiences, actions, decisions, thoughts, risks, options, pains, pleasures, structures, networks, relationships, etc etc if I wish for a different future.

Yes this has to be navigated even as choice overload is also an ever-present challenge in modern life, but these choice you make, make you. The choices you have made up to this moment are the present you have, the current life you have, the situational result you find yourself in, and the only way to change the tomorrows is chose a different present. Right now. Not tomorrow. You are making a choice even as you read these words . . . even if it is a choice to do nothing more or different than you did yesterday which led to this present. Not choosing is also a choice. But never doubt that this is your future, unless you chose a different present.

Climb the mountain, change the perspective

It is always amazing and astonishing how different everything looks from the peak or high up on the mountian versus when you start the climb. We did that this morning in the Jarillda mountains of Spain. Even 100 meters of elevation gain, provided a nearly completely different view. But there are so many nuances here . . . the climb always looks easy at the start, but soon into the climb, you will change your mind about that!

Life is so totally like that, and this can be a powerful metaphor for helping you hang in there when the view isn't so great, i.e. things are almost always difficult to parse at the beginning. Really always. If you don't think they are tough, it is usually because you don't even have enough perspective to know that things are tough. (And count your blessings, that is not always a bad place to be in life. I purposefully choose ignorance in certain situations so that I won't know how bad it really is, but that is a post for a different day)

This post is one about being confused. The view of the surrounding terrain is confusing from the base of the mountain. You simply do not have enough elevation (perspective) to accurately map the reality around you. You have to stay with the climb long enough to gain that perspective and elevation in order to even have a chance of seeing the reality around you.

Most people I meet in life, bail on pursuing the trail, before they can gain perspective/elevation/inspiration/understanding of what really truly lies before them. Climb the mountain, gain perspective, be part of the 5% who reach the peak.

The metro - the melting pot of Berlin

The metro - the melting pot of Berlin

The guy siting next to me is reading Arabic facebook on his phone, the girl across from me speaking Farsi on her's, the kids behind me are speaking Her Majesty's English, the guy across the aisle is reading a Russian language newspaper, and so on and so forth.  I can't even recognize half the languages being spoken around me.

So if you want to see how metropolitan and multi-cultural and multi-lingual Berlin is, all you have to do is jump on the metro for half a line or so and you will get a good dose on any given day. This is so different than when I would ride the metro in Moscow. No language but Russian being spoken there. The contrast is astonishing.

With a view like this . . .

You should be able to change the world, be inspired to create the impossible with nothing, to challenge the assumptions of the ages, to matter to those who have little hope, to be significant in what you bring to the table, to design your thoughts and structure life to leverage the most amazing life ever . . . 

And on and on I could go but I won't. Inspiring spaces in which to work are great and I love every one of them. I love it when I get the chance to crank on my brain in places like this, because it is inspiring yes, but it is also a new context so I can think new thoughts and consider old ideas in new ways, all because of the ambience and the swirl of life and the energy going on in this place.

There are no slackers here. Everyone has a deep purpose, a reason for being and doing, its contagious. Choose and design your space. Today I am @ WeWork Berlin #dowhatyoulove

Why arrive early, the plane never leaves early??

Another delayed flight. Is there any other kind?? Not so much in my life. So why do I ever ever leave for the airport early? Earl's disease is one reason. Earl is my dad. He is spectacularly gifted in his imagination. He can imagine more things going wrong in each and every situation, than any other human on the planet. We sometimes refer to the malaise as Earl's Disease. (It also has a seconded useage, in that your car must run perfectly, or you are forever obsessed with getting it to that unreachable condition)

So why did I leave for the airport early today? And of course end up departing almost a whole hour late? I mean I could have: 1. Finished my workout this morning rather than cutting it short because I feared running out of time; 2. Relaxed more with Brenda at the breakfast table this morning; 3. Enjoyed my coffee more and more slowly; 4. Not gotten sucked into a long conversation with people who recognized me at the airport and with whom I had no real interest in talking to or with; 5. Perhaps avoided the stupid lizard-brained airport officials who have absolutely NOTHING to do except harrass passengers with the tiniest of rules and pressures (I want to scream!); 6. Enjoyed a decent long hot shower instead of the quick rinse I ended up with . . . all because of the internal pressure and all the unknowns that could go wrong, so I leave home with PLENTY of time. Far too much in reality.

Folks, the plane never leaves early. Manage your life better.

Everybody is dying it seems

You go through stages in life, although it does not feel that way when you are going through them, it just feels like . . . living at that moment. But the older you get, the more perspective and context you gain, to look back and see the stages. For instance I am fond of saying that  I have been married to three versions the same woman - meaning I have only and always been married to Brenda, but she/us/together have been through at least three stages in life.

This current stage of life (not Brenda) seems to be the death stage. Not my own, although that is more than possible at any time, but those solid and formative people of my life are dying. And it "feels" like all my friends and clients and coworkers are experiencing the same thing, and so it seems like a tsunami of deaths and more deaths. 

Just yesterday, my colleague and I started this trip to Spain together, and between the two of us, we experienced four deaths of close friends and/or family members! All before we even got on the plane for Madrid, even though we did not know it at the time. We received this news later in the day, but it tore the fabric of ours lives nonetheless.

Sure this is an inevitability for everyone if they live long enough, but I always thought this was an experience to wrestle with far out into the future, like in my 70's or 80's . . . but evidently you can start this stage well and good in your 50's. I reckon we can let it be fuel for depression and emotional fractures, or we can let it be fuel to bring our best selves to every moment today.

Eight days of business travel = no control?

No control over my diet, yet I do have control over how much of that diet I put in my mouth. No control over my exercise (lack of my usual tools - bicycle) but I can still get out and take a walk and not just sit on my bony backside every minute of every day for the next eight days. No control over lifting weights (lack of access to a gym), but I can realize that eight days "off" is not going to make me lose muscle mass in any significant way. No control over my internet connection, but I can write offline and when I can connect is when I can connect. I do not have control over the bed I am sleeping in, but I can make sure I get as much sleep as possible in whichever bed I end up with to be fresh and invigorated for the work facing me on this trip. Little control over my schedule, but I can find little spaces/times along the way/day to get those important-to-me pieces done. No control over my laundry, but I can pack smart and keep my cool. No control over so many things = this is what business travel looks like in the real world. Period. 

Action point? Don't stress over what I don't have control over. Stress over what I DO have control over. I have control over my character, my thoughts, and my actions in each situation.  

Three times the cost for one third the value

Three times the cost for one third the value

This is how the economy works with a monopoly, or in an airport (which is essentially a monopoly created under the guise of security). Case in point, I just paid OVER three times as much for a 0.5 liter bottle of sparkling water at the airport, as I would have for a 1.5 liter bottle of the same stuff 10 miles from here. We succumb to these legal robberies all the time. We think we have no choices in the matter, and ok, that is a debate for a different post.

But the power I clearly have here on Independence Day is to not be that way with the value that I create. I don't have to be a shark, or function like a monopoly (even if I am) or be exclusive or any of that kind of thinking. Instead I can choose to be generous, thoughtful, sharing, inclusive, open, thinking in abundance and how to serve others, rather than how to maximize my profits for me personally. That's real independence, the freedom from self-serving self-interest, freedom from a focus on me.

Hijacked by greed, or incompetence or lack of planning, they are all pretty much the same

Hijacked by greed, or incompetence or lack of planning., they are all pretty much the same

Having just returned from a long trip to Asia, there are always trends and patterns you observe when you spend a good long spell in a new context or culture. One of most frustrating one's I experienced regularly in Asia is getting hijacked when you are already the customer. This one does not happen very often in American (read practically never, except when it comes to the telephone - meaning that I can be standing at the cash register in the Auto Parts store and the phone can interrupt my checkout and "hijack it" completely) and it is rare in Europe as well. We westerners are more ruled by the idea, "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" kinds of thinking. What I actually have is worth more than potentially what I can get.

Not. In. Asia. Everything is interruptible. This is most frustrating when you are working with a masseuse, and another customer comes in and wants a massage. Instead of simply stating, "I already have a customer and I can be free at such and such a time" they always stop working on your aching muscles and fawn over all the potential new customers walking in the door. This often means I lay there for 10-20 minutes while we all wait for new masseuses to show up! No amount of frantic and urgent phone calls to new masseuses can get them there faster than that it seems. But I am already there laying on the table. I am the sure thing. I tip well. I am the ultimate easy customer! It doesn't matter, the new potentials always override the existing customer.

There is a similar phenomenon in our work here in Eastern Europe, where we have noticed a consistent pattern over these last 19 years. No matter how firmly you are confirmed on their calendars, and no matter how significant the work is that you are proposing to do with them, and no matter how much effort has been spent on the pending meeting/event/plan, a single spontaneous call from anyone can derail the whole damn thing! For us over-organized westerners, these types of hijackings are the ultimate in frustrations.

Whether because of greed, incompetence or lack of planning it does not matter. Whether a matter of culture or social norms it does not matter. Welcome to the rest of the world.

Does your closet have jeans that don't fit?

Does your closet have jeans that don't fit?

Then you likely are not accepting your reality, or your version of you does not match your jean's version of you. People do this all the time. They are waiting for the perfect something to come along and change what fiction they believe about their life. This keeps many in psychic prisons all their lives, rather than living anything remotely resembling the life they want to live, or at the very very least, living the reality that is theirs. 

Folks the only way to change current reality is to first accept it. Stop denying it, stop waiting for something to come along and change it, stop playing the lottery for Pete's sake! This is your one and only life, you had better own it completely, or regret, and tons of it, is both in your immediate present and long term future.

Accepting your reality is like taking your car to the mechanic and getting a proper diagnosis about what is wrong and what can change. If you don't know the actual challenge you (or your engine) is facing, there is not a chance in hell or heaven that dreams and hopes have possibilities.

Facing your reality is truly the first step in owning your piece of the pie that is your life. Until that happens, you are in denial, or blaming someone or some situation, or something for the life you have. Even when you successfully do this, and you must (as do I), this does not mean that struggles and difficulties will cease, but at least then you will know what you really face . . . and get comfortable here, even the best life can be difficult.

I got started on this six years ago when a close friend committed suicide. It was seriously time to face some realities that I was not living the life I was meant to live. I now own all my outcomes, succeed or fail. And all the jeans in my closet fit me.

Forever missed appointments

Forever missed appointments

I am currently sitting here waiting for my noon gig, alone, again. This is actually the fourth time this week that something has gone awry in a schedule mdeeting. In fact, I have had a 100% failure rate so far this week. Hours and hours and hours of waiting, but no actual connects yet. And its Thursday already even!! Monday was a fail, Tuesday was a fail, last night was a fail, and so far today is a fail. No one is really to blame yet, things have been beyond every person's control. How can I be a person who is unfailingly optimistic even when scheduled work is failing. Well . . . try try again.

And surprise surprise here comes half of my noon appointment. Patience, waiting for the important pieces to fall into place. Great meeting! Success!

They are only forever missed appointments if you fail to reschedule and reschedule.

Value creation

Value creation 

The best question I ever discovered to push me to be more is "what value am I providing in this situation?" There is basically an infinite number of things you and I could be doing. Unlimited actions we could be taking. But the important ones are the ones that create value for you, your work, your customer, your organization, your client, your family, your God.

Issac Morehouse says " . . . focus on value creation, no matter how humble." He continues, "You are your best investment. There is no IRA, real estate deal, savings account, or job that will come close to generating the returns you get when you invest in enhancing your own value to yourself and others."

This is the most important contribution we can make. It is the way to do the important, the critical, the significant, the meaningful and the very best gift we can give to ourselves and others. I don't know what you are creating, but as Morehouse said, the best returns are on value creation. You are your best investment ever.

Airplane communications

Airplane communications

This is means bad. I observed that on my two flights today that I might have heard and understood three out of 36 messages over the PA systems. When your communication system and or process is poorly done, or the equipment fails to help you give clear and concise messages, then it is just noise that everyone automatically filters out. The brain is designed that way it seems to me. 

I am paying attention to these matters more nowadays because I have been challenged to tighten up my communications. While I don't use an aircrafts PA system, my tools may be just as poorly implemented. Not only are the voice communications ignored, but also the signs employed on the aircraft because they often are not current. Like the fasten seatbelt sign is still lit even though all the staff are moving around the cabin. While there may be rough flying in the next few minutes, no one believes it because the cabin crew is braving it. I understand there may be different standards and rules of conduct between staff and customers, this particular customer needs to go to the bathroom. But I abhor breaking the rules, especially when I might regret it, even though I probably wouldn't.

Communication has to mean something if you want folks to pay attention and follow along. Communication has to be understandable in order to be viable. Just because you said the words out loud into the PA system and that may free you from some legal liability, it accomplishes nothing, if you can't clear say the words in one of the four or five languages I can follow.                                                                                                                                                                                                   

A cockroach in my grits

A cockroach in my grits

There are weeks in my life that I would rather forget. This week has been one of those in part. In "part", because there have also been some spectacular wonderful moments as well. But overall, it has been a cockroach in my grits. 

I use that particular metaphor because of the spectacular cockroach (if spectacularness is measure in size alone) I saw the morning the whole mess of the week began. 

So I have practiced over and over and over again, changing the narrative, changing the story I am telling myself about what is happening and why and what choices I have about what is happening to me (because in the end that is the only choice we have most times, and it certainly is the only thing we can control - our response), and then I even moved it up a level to changing the lens - not just the story I was telling myself, but moving (metaphorically) into a different seat, a different point of view, a position that varies from the one I think I am stuck in - and still the injuries mounted.

It has spiraled to the point that I am a little wary of even flying these flights today, even though honestly I am not superstitious, . . . really . . . seriously, I am not.

Perhaps all that is left to do is throw the whole lot out and start a fresh batch of grits? If the plane doesn't go down in flames, I think I will. Let's start by counting all the things I can be grateful for . . . and so it begins.

You really took my scissors?

You really took my scissors?

Seriously? I have always experienced that the smaller the airport, the more anal the scrutiny and abuses. Those scissors have literally flown 100's of flights, passed through 100's of security checks, been touched and handled and ultimately passed by 1000's of security personnel in airports all over the entire planet. You were just too damn lazy to even look at them, see their blunt tips, see how impossible they were to use as a weapon. In fact if I _could_ have used them as a weapon I would have stuck them in you somewhere!

Yes I am ripped. Hopefully this is the final, the very last injustice of my "cockroach in my grits" week that I have been having. The hysterically funny thing here (yes I am trying to find humor, solace, a reset button, in all of this), is that I have far far far more dangerous things in my bag, than were my beard scissors.

I have a lighter in my bag, I have a cigar cutter in my bag, I have creams that could blind you in my bag, I have my French press and my coffee grinder in my bag, all of which are more easily weaponized, than are my beard scissors!

Of course I don't have to enter into every fight I am invited to as Joe Callaway famously said, and so I guess my future strategy for world travel will have to be purchasing my beard scissors in bulk, like I do cigar cutters (because those regularly get taken in security checks - that is just the cost of enjoying a cigar). And this trip to Cambodia is just gonna have some wild hairs in it.

First of all we killed no one

First of all we killed no one

That was a miracle all by itself, because I am pretty sure we broke every single law in the country as we sped through village after village on our way to Battambang. We covered a three hour trip in two hours and 20 minutes. Our wake probably harvested some of the rice fields we passed in a blur.

I just kept my head down and continued working on my client work, rather than watching our constant near misses and getting all tense and frustrated and fearful. Death won't be any more or less painful because I saw it coming. I can't control most of these events in my life, the driver speaks no English, and I speak no Cambodian. Just trust Jesus and pray for the brakes.

Now the return trip begins in 41 minutes.

Dissatisfaction with yourself

Dissatisfaction with yourself

This relates to self-awareness. According to HBR only 10-15% of leaders are self-aware. The general population will be even less for sure. This is awful amazing. I meant to say it that way, because it is awful and amazing at the same time. To never or rarely consider how others experience you in the world, is a pure tragedy. The wake we leave in life needs to be considered carefully and regularly. Irresponsible living is the only other result possible. This line of thought is largely about others dissatisfaction with how they experience you.

However an aspect to a lack of self-awareness that is not considered very often is the dissatisfaction with yourself. I find 100% of the people who are dissatisfied with themselves, are basically about as self-aware as cement block. They can't figure out WHY they are dissatisfied, nor what things they need/could do to rectify the situations of their lives in a positive manner. This of course leads to ongoing never-ending dissatisfaction. It is a repeating circle of pain and unhappiness.

There are other negative results that come from a lack of self-awareness, and no positive ones unless you consider cluelessness throughout life to be a positive. Hell, just pay attention to your anger, stress and you will get tons of feedback about what you value and what your weaknesses are, if you think that you need some kind of special dispensation to excuse your bad attitude.

Wake up man! See and feel how others are experiencing you! You will eventually be a lot happier with yourself when you get a grip on this one.

Reframing your thinking

Reframing your thinking

There are a number of ways that leaders of every variety accomplish this, from changing the narrative that they are telling themselves all the way to changing the lens through which we view the scale and scope of the problem or opportunity before us. It is the last way that I want to focus on today. But let me state that the first one is really important too! In fact it has produced the best and largest changes in my day to day experience of any tool I have used in the last three years. And having shared it often with others, they too regularly quote it and practice it as well. I am sure it works.

But to change the way you think on a larger and deeper scale, especially as you get older, requires more than just changing the narrative, as powerful as that may be. Changing lens is necessary because the one most of us employ is from our childhood - and this is a very very different world than you grew up in and developed in. The lens most people use is just too limited to be very helpful. You need a better view, a better perspective to be able to reconstruct what you are trying to accomplish. Most people die with their best work still inside them, because they are using an outdated or too small lens.

When I was a boy growing up in MooCow GA, there was a woods behind our house. It seem large and huge and vast to me as a kid. Now I realize that it only covered a couple of acres at most. After living in five different countries over the last 30 years, that tiny forest was in reality just a stand of trees. But the lens of my youth could not see it for what it was. Having said that, it was adequate for what I needed at that time in my life. I need far far more today. Likely you do too. Especially as we get older, for the tendency will be to pull in our boundaries rather than forging new and expanded ones.

Whether you like what I am stating or not, it doesn't really matter, since you will invariably face opportunities and challenges whether or not you want this to happen. It is simply part and parcel of living. As long as you are living, you might as well live well and fully. My learning curve and my change curves are so sharp, that it makes my hermit soul shudder and scream! But in order to see the world, _my world_, as it really is, I have to move out of the woods of my youth, and fly high so that I can see the endless jungles of the Amazon or southeast Asia.

When we change the lens through which we are viewing the world, we can change our entire reference point. This is how we can thrive in the opportunities and challenges that we have coming our way. The questions that I ask myself each day to reach these heights, are "what value am I providing in this situation?" "What do I need to learn in order to help this move forward?" "What can I ask to help others see a panoramic view?" What will bring clarity to this situation or event or person?" "What needs to happen to see growth?"

How much do you need to be rich?

How much do you need to be rich?

Ok it might of had the smell of clickbait, but it was fairly irresistible clickbait. I bit. And it made me think hard about being rich, and that thought makes me stop literally (stopped here to text the kids and say thank you for recent actions). Ok thank you said. So clearly I measure the idea of "richness" more along relational lines than financial lines, but as I was thinking about it, you could measure it in a number of other ways as well. 

Lots of people measure rich in terms of experiences. Like this business class lounge where I currently sitting would be considered "rich" by many peoples standards and expectations. However I sit in a lot of business class lounges and not a single one of them equals the comfort and pleasure of sitting in my own living room. On the other hand, they are more comfortable than what those people outside of this lounge are sitting on. So business class travel I would put into the category of experience that the more rare it is, the more rich it feels. And now that I consider that thought more carefully the more I think that this will likely be true in most categories.

So what is rich, yet not in the rare experience category? Well I think that my relationships with my wife and dad, then my children and their spouses, and then my grandchildren, and then my friends have generally an even and steady flow of rich about them. They aren't rare, but they are almost always positive. That is rich of the first order. Hell, it might even be rare as well. Relationally and emotionally and spiritually and physically my life is very rich by any standards.

It was the financial amounts listed to qualify as being rich, which astonished me. When surveyed 1000 people said that to be "comfortable" financially they needed $1.4 million, or $2.4 million to feel "wealthy." While I may be very very rich in many ways, these numbers don't even feel real to me. Completely in a different financial universe than were I live. Not really all that interested in this much stuff because I want to own my stuff and not have it own me. I am already rich beyond counting. (You can read the article that got me thinking along these lines here)

Every year it gets more difficult to change

Every year it gets more difficult to change

This is more technically known as "cognitive inertia" as most of the time we find ourselves searching for and seeing confirmation for what we hold as true or accurate - confirmation bias they call it. But change is more important than ever as we age, and in fact is one of the few undeniable things that we can't avoid if we want to continue to have a life.

Yet increasing years and the culmination of experience and our histories, combined with a nostalgia for the well-polished past, selective memory about ourselves and our actions, decreasing mental agility, overflooded minds, under-active imaginations, little play, ever more limited energy, and obsessions with health issues, among a hundred other concerns and foci, make change take on an oversized pressure and challenge. It "feels" more difficult, and that becomes a self-fulfilling experience for most as the years pile on and on.

All of this came to mind today as I met a "husky" young man this morning as I was starting my daily bike ride of 11 miles straight up the mountain. I immediately felt terrible for this young fellow. Husky was the polite word used for overweight boys in the 60's and 70's. I bought jeans out of the Sears and Roebuck catalogue in the "husky" section. I continued purchasing clothes in husky sections and the big man sections, and then XXL sections of stores until I was 50 years old. And honestly I may do so once again in the future. But miraculously (for me), I changed.

I changed my belief that it was in my genetic makeup to be overweight. I changed my belief (i.e. excuse) that I had no control over my weight. I changed what I thought was an appropriate amount of food to eat each day. I changed my acceptance that I did not have the personal resources or self control to take charge of my life. And as I said, it would be ever so easy to allow my discipline to fail, and for me to return to my husky state of existence, but at least for the last six years, I have been weight-appropriate for the very first time in my life. But if I do return to that undisciplined state I lived in for 50 years, it won't be because I no longer believe that I can't change. It will probably be because I am a lazy butthead, or some other nonsense as that, but I HAVE done it for SIX years. I did and have changed.

Some other things I am thinking through about changing are like: work, alcohol, church, what kind of son I am to my dad, purpose, significance, meaning, impact, technology, communication, power, money, retirement, and my wake in life ... I am at various stages of reassessing these matters - all of them.

I am intentionally and consciously changing and reassigning these matters importance in my life, and what I will choose to do about them. This kind of thinking is "thinking about thinking" kinds of reassessment. The very foundation of change. I have been meeting entirely too many people my age who are walking through their one and only life sleepwalking, or at the very least just waiting for it to end. So perhaps this blog will not resonate with you at all, but perhaps it will shake you up enough to realize that you are largely the sum total of your choices and beliefs and that you can chose where you stand on each one of them and do it differently. They call it change, and it will never be easier than today.