The pressure cooker

I have been in the pressure-cooker recently for some leadership decisions with a client organization. One of their affiliates wants to leave and go to an organization that can provide them with the services, relationships and connections that they need. They failed to provide those things, so it is rational and logical to expect the affiliate to move to an organization which says it can. Now whether or not they actually can deliver those values, remains to be seen.

What I discovered from this recent event is, that my client simply does not believe that 1. they have failed to deliver these values, 2. they don't believe this second organization will be any better, and 3. they are angry with me for not giving them a chance “to talk the affiliates into staying.” Folks, when you have to talk people into staying with your organization, church or social network, you have already lost them.

Let me say this more brutally, if you provide them with the value they need, they will not look elsewhere. There simply is no reason to look elsewhere when I have what I need. Now of course there is some generalization here, but overall the principle is true. So instead of asking “how could we have provided what they needed?” or “if we could do it over again (because you are everyday) what would/could we do better to deliver the value that people need?” they start laying blame, yelling, being angry at the messenger. Seriously poor responses, which only go to blatantly show that yes, they do NOT deliver value for their dollar/investment/affiliates.

If you want to keep your talent, you have to provide them real and actual reasons to stay with you. Said another way, the onus is on the organization/group/club/church to be such an organization, that people WANT to work with you. Provide real value!

Rocks and hard places

Rocks and hard places are fairly negative places to get stuck between. They push and poke and hurt and bruise and if you hit them hard enough, break things. Two competing opportunities, two apparently equal paths to choose, two or three family pressures, a number of financial setbacks, a group of needs yet unmet, more commitments than you can meet, age and desire, wants and resources, needs and wishes - all can become hard places and rocks when they happen in tandem.

My sweet bride and I face this dilemma right now. She greatly prefers to live in Eastern Europe, while I greatly prefer living in Asia. A rock and a hard place. She wants (and has) location-specific work with face to face people involvement. I want (and have) work that I can do remotely and have a long reach across the world and can pinpoint specific projects and leaders and situations. A rock and a hard place. She is very accomplished in hard skills that make her unique in her working field. I have education and experience that makes me unique in my working field. A rock and a hard place.

So currently we are doing both/and and neither. I know, that sounds impossible, but we often accomplish that and more. But I am not sure it is sustainable because the rocks and the hard places are a damn sight tougher than our wills it seems. Having your cake and eating it too not only rarely happens, but its costly.

I am confident that you have faced a rock and a hard place situation(s), and am equally confident that you will face more in the future, just we have and will. A great deal of dialogue and compromise are required to navigate these rocks and hard places so that damage is minimal (or at least contained) and forward progress can be sustained.

Continuity and Action

Today has been one of those days, where I am more the student with a learning curve, than I am the leadership guru guy directing a meeting. Those are always the richest days!

The first lesson that I learned today is that action trumps qualifications and experience. Most of my life has been spent gaining qualifications and experience. and granted, I am good at what I do. But Jimmy and Megan taught me an important lesson today - action is superior to becoming overqualified to compensate for my occasional insecurities.

I met Jimmy last year, barely a Christian at all, freshly divorced, all at the tender age of 24! I was being called in as an emergency to head off a new disaster, he was planning to jump right into a second marriage! We had a number of good long talks and finally agreed that a slightly longer engagement than three months, (less than six months after his divorce) was a wise and prudent course of action. Of course there are a million other details here, but lets jump to the present in favor of saving some time. I met Mrs Jimmy, Megan, who is a sharp and sassy gal.

They are back in Asia, and have just signed a two year contract to teach at a school here in the heart of Asia. They would never meet the qualifications to work for my non-profit, The Leadership Development Group. Nor would they meet the basic qualification of any of the parent organizations that I have worked for in my adult life. But you know what, they just don't care. They have seen a need, and no matter how at risk they are as a couple, as Christians, as people - they have dove right in and committed themselves.

I know all the arguments, having made them myself many times, but there is something special about people of action. Action born not out of hard competencies or deep confidence or high qualifications. Action that is born out of a heart for the needy and the disadvantaged. We need more Jimmys and Megans in the world!

The second thing I learned today, is that a certain level of continuity is required to sustain significant relationships. I have written about Dunbar's number before, and that is a key factor related to HOW MANY relationships one can actually sustain. But the reality is, that if you don't keep a certain level of consistency and continuity going in a relationship, even if you haven't hit Dunbar's number yet, you still can't have a significant relationship with that person - the capacity may be present, but the effort hasn't been applied.

I had a meeting today with Adam. I like Adam. I see him 5-6 times a year. We enjoy one another. We have real potential to have a significant friendship that would benefit us both. But neither of us make the necessary effort between those times we see each other. The consequences of that failure is a stilted ineffective face to face time, where we meet more because we think we should, rather than out of any real synergy, connection or purpose. In fact Adam and I could quite possibly change this part of the world together — but we need to pay the price to make that happen.

Which brings us full circle to action again. What Adam and I need is more action together and more effort, in order to create something beautiful, innovate a high impact micro-enterprise, start a new ministry among the 20-somethings of Chiang Mai, change the world, or simply be better people because we listened to Nike in this case — just do it!

The center of things

The center of things is really important. Take for instance my back.  Its killing me! Every. Single. Movement. Hurts.  

Thats because the center of things, the spine right above your bottom, is the fulcrum of the body. No action can take place without involving that center of things.

Your heart.  It is another kind of center of things.  No devotion can happen.  No inspiration can occur.  The best and the hardest of life all pass through this center of things.  Most important here is your connection and relationship to the Living Savior

Your commitment. We are committed to many things, but not what we usually think we are committed to.  I see this all the time.  People tell me that they are committed to this or committed to that, but when I observe their daily actions, I see what they are really committed to, really.  This center of things is what I DO.  It is my daily actions that produce something.  All too often it can be all about me . . . regardless of what I SAY.

The value you provide.  This center of things is critical to my emotional wellbeing.  It is purpose.  It is making a difference. When we have meaningful work to accomplish and we do it well, there is nothing quite like it.  It can so be, a life well lived.  Not measured by longevity, but rather impact and significance.

The goal is to keep these centers healthy, unstrained, toned, exercised, in great shape, so that you can live a remarkable life, one of effortless and powerful purpose.

Saying no

Perhaps the most difficult thing in the whole world is saying no. There are a multitude of reasons this is true. For most people, it just seems so impolite and unaffirming, both of which are socially pricy and emotionally uncomfortable. For others it is societal pressure which keeps them from saying no. They don't feel like they actually can say no, perhaps because of WHO is asking them, maybe a boss, or maybe co-worker who has been helpful in the past, or maybe it is a family member who genuinely needs assistance (even if you are the wrong person to deliver that assistance).

For others it is difficult to say no because of the threat of lost opportunity. I am facing one of those situations myself right now. I have a great opportunity to expand my business. I could have 14 new clients just handed to me! Moreover, lots of leeway and discretion in how I would approach their development and the implementing of that development process with each of them. So on paper, in the abstract, it seems like I really need to scarf this gift up right away and not look too closely at the dental work, right?

Well maybe. It really IS an opportunity. An opportunity to become the irrefutable best at what I do. An opportunity to learn. An opportunity to be a star. An opportunity to sharpen my skills and systems and processes. An opportunity to expand our brand, and extend our reach. It truly is all of those things. But the tricky thing is that each opportunity in life has it's own price.

It seems that many of the leaders I work with have a very difficult time holding the “price” in their mental focus for the very necessary period of time, until, you feel the full weight of that price. Many are blinded so badly by the “opportunity” and all the potentials that it brings, that it appears nearly impossible for them to entertain the real and certain “price”. The price of my 14 new clients is that they are immature train wrecks in many ways - i.e. problems, challenges, high maintenance, etc, etc. The opportunities are not a sure bet, but the “price” is definite.

Saying no is difficult because of the seduction of scale over quality. Saying no is often impossible because of pressures, needs, wants, desires, wishes and the Santa Claus effect, that can only see the opportunity, and can never quite grasp, weigh, consider, think through and have great clarity about the price.

Heart stopping surprise

This morning started out normal enough. I got up and prepared myself for my morning bike ride. After stretching out and doing crunches, I was preparing to turn off the air conditioner before I went out for my ride. I had my finger on the off button, when the entire balcony lit up with tremendous arcs of electricity. The flash of electricity and the tremendous noise was overwhelming. Somehow I thought I had blown up my air conditioner compressor which was on my balcony. This blinding flash scared me so badly, I dropped the air conditioning remote. I shielded my eyes and covered my ears. I was certain my brand-new air conditioner had just exploded to Smitherins. Then the power went completely out on the entire block.

After recovering my wits a little bit, I realize that my air conditioner had not exploded. Instead one of the local transformers had melted down and arced tremendously. Needless to say everyone in the entire condominium was now awake whether they wanted to be or not.

The adrenaline jolt for me personally was a real shock to my system. For 30 seconds I was convinced that I had caused the entire explosion. But I had nothing to do with it. It only seemed that way because the proximity of my finger on the power off button of the air conditioning remote.  The synergy of that moment of touching the off button and the arcs of blinging electricity convinced me that I had "done it".  But I hadn't.

Now if I only knew what the lesson I should learn from this is . . . .

Even guys like me

Mondays. Since I don't work in a typical office nor on a typical schedule nor on typical hourly structures, Monday is usually just an abstract to me. Most weeks find me working on all seven days, so Monday is a non-issue. Nor is there a hump day nor a weekend. All in all I love it.

But occasionally a day happens that is totally Mondayish and it actually happens to be on a Monday even! Any day that finds me facing the temptation to use swear words in three languages before 8:00 am is not starting well. It is the rainy season in Asia, and that means … well it rains. Often. Frequently. Mostly several times a day. Occasionally all day. Amazingly it can be sunny and then 15 minutes later you can be in the middle of a 5 minute downpour (which just as well be a one hour downpour in terms of how soaking wet you get).

So when you go outside in the rainy season, you take especially made plastic bags with you to protect your phone from water damage. While you may have never heard of such a thing in the West, here in the subtropics you certainly have - they are a basic requirement of life. At the very least electronic life. Of course this morning on my way out to exercise, I forgot. No worries though, the sky was clear … until I reached the mountain.

Then the sprinkle started, and then the fog and heavy clouds rolled in, and then the rain started in earnest … the one and only morning I forgot my protection bag!! So I had to cut my workout short, and race back to shelter. Except of course, you can't race anywhere on a wet road and a bicycle. So in truth, I slowly desperately fought my way back to shelter, as fast as I dared. Thankfully, all electronics survived!

Finally get back to my room, get my soggy clothes off and hung up, including my soaked shoes, get a hot shower, gather some important letters that need to go out before I have to go to my morning meeting and start my work plans for the day in another city. So I am at the post office 5 minutes before it was scheduled to open at 10:00 am. My meeting was scheduled to start at 10:30 - 10:45. At 10:30, after waiting for 35 minutes, no postal worker has yet shown up to open the post office and so I raced off to my meeting.

I arrived on-time for my meeting, but the others were late! It is not even 11:00 am and as of yet nothing has gone well or as planned. It did not get any better throughout the day, including the elephant camp, the rain (again), the shopping with my guest, our dinner, etc, etc, etc, etc. Yes, sometimes Mondays even happen to guys like me. At least the writing is better than therapy.