The longest run . . .

Chapter 50

Yesterday’s chapter on nonversation may have confused you since book two is about changes and experiments and life hacking toward greater productivity. Nonversation is like the mental version of being physically drunk - that’s how badly nonversation will deconstruct your productivity.

Speaking of being drunk, I am not. But I have noticed over the years that alcohol was having a more and more significant impact on my physical body. Said another was, I love beer - sincerely enjoy it, but it doesn’t like me. It slows me down, physically, mentally and makes me feel like crap often on the following day. It wrecks my sleep about half the time. As Ruby Warrenton says, “You never regret not drinking the following morning” has my bullseye painted squarely in the middle of that statement. I have simply never regretted not drinking . . . the following morning. 

So I am currently on the longest stretched of days weeks and months without drinking that I have ever done in my adult life. 102 days since I last had a beer, and while I really miss beer (especially when there is Mexican food involved or pizza) the outputs have been really great. That doesn’t mean that I won’t drink again. Not at all, but I have been moving in this direction for years. Since no amount of wishing will make the negatives of alcohol consumption go away (if that were possible I would be the poster child) and no amount of rationalization will make the positives of not drinking be explained in any other way,  . . . for now, I will see how far the stretch of no alcohol will run.

Nonversations

Chapter 49

Nonversation. This is a word from Lee Bacon novel. It means a meaningless conversation. When it comes to productivity, nonversations are the ultimate death knell. This has graduated senses of meaning. It could be just avoiding someone you live in close contact with and now you have one word nonversations instead of conversations. It could just be the inane speaking of words which constitutes what passes for most small talk (why don’t we have big talk?). Or it could the mindless vomiting of each and every thought that passes through the frontal lobe of a person in the form of an endless monologue. And there are probably subtle shades in between. I have experienced them all, but the last one is most deadly to production.

It is a constant and unending pointless source of sound. Filling up every sacred moment of silence with nonversation. 94% of nonversation don’t even require a response. It is essentially a modern form of monologue under the guise of conversation. 

You know you are in a nonversation when you break in and try to take this to a conversation, and the person just continues off topic about what they were nonversationing about before you broke in. Or you would know you are in a nonversation when the subject hops irrationally from one unconnected topic to the next with no connector transitions. Or you know you are in a nonversation when hours of spoken words by one person, only require occasional grunts or eye contact from you, to continue. Hell, lets be honest, the nonversation will continue whether you give these fake signs of interests or not.

Escape if you can! Avoid if you can! Run away if you have the opportunity! Do not allow yourself to be cornered here in a nonversation. Because if you do, then prepare yourself to watch your productivity just trickle away into noncomplishment.

Memories

# Chapter 43

As I got the full tour of the devastation here in Paradise California and the surrounding areas, I came to conclusion that it will never return to what it was in the past. It will return, but that future will be something other than what was here before. It has to be. None of us can ever return to the past really. As Seth Godin calls them, “our memories of our memories.”

Here in California, they can’t return to the past because these houses that burned down (1600 of them!!) were built with money from decades and decades ago when land was cheap and so was labor. And currently post-fire land is relatively cheap. I was looking at some of those pieces yesterday. But the labor and building costs have skyrocketed. I can buy the lot for 10 grand maybe (a great deal in this part of the world) but to build the simplest cement block duplex would cost an astronomical (for me) $450,000!! Paradise was destroyed by a random convergence of perfect factors that resulted in a ferocious fire storm. But their past cannot be resurrected up out of the ashes, because things have changed. They always do.

As thus, neither can you or I return to the past. It no longer exists even except as “memories of our memories.” This is driven home over and over for me right now as I am spending all the time with my dad that I can, since both mom and brother are gone, and its just us (thankful so much for Brenda who breaks up the monotony!!) two boys, and my dad reviews his memories of his memories every day multiple times. About half the time those are the memories of memories of his childhood, and the other half of the time of my childhood. Those worlds no longer exist. There is not even a facsimile of those worlds any longer. While we may occupy the same chunk of ground in the same village, town, county, state and country, nothing else the same.

The only solution is to live in the present and aim for the future, whatever that may be. Here in Paradise, half of the people remaining are now living in RV’s on the burned out foundations of their former homes, and it will be years before the legal stuff is cleared up and they can easily move forward and rebuild. But most of them will not have the resources to do so. The present and future are not the past. The past is nevermore and neveragain. So I can either be constantly distracted by the past as I sit at the table and reminisce, or I can get up and live fully in today and reach for tomorrow. Take action. Move. Act. Don’t be penned in and incapacitated and distracted by your memories of your memories.

Too many options

# Chapter 39

The distraction of too many options. When we lived in Russia 25 years ago and we were on the road traveling between cities, which did not happen very often because of the restrictions and hassles of travel there, we would stop with the kids at a roadside building which advertised by picture or words, that food was offered there. We have done this a few times, but it is still the most unique experience ever - you go in and sit down and wait. That’s all. Just wait. 

No one takes your order or asked how you are doing or where you would like to be seated, or what you would like to drink. You just sit down and wait 10-15 minutes and then a Russia grandma would bring you out something. You would eat it. That’s all there was to it. No options. No menu. No choices. She brought you the one thing there was to eat for that day. If you were lucky it was hot.

That likely sounds horrible to my American friends but don’t knock it till you try it. No one was ever in ecstasy about Russian cuisine to begin with in my opinion, so what did it matter that you had no choice about which nasty thing to eat? But the almost complete lack of options, or choices, was unique even for Russia. 

The exact opposite is true here. Too many options. It takes longer to order here, than it did to get food there in Russia. But the stress!! You likely don’t even realize what a huge distraction and stress all your options are, because that is the only normal you have ever known. But live a few years with zero options, and you will run screaming from the Cracker Barrel or most other places.

Looking back on it, there was a great freedom and simplicity in having few options. We should design our days and schedules with less options, so that we can focus and produce something amazing.

Going optimal in a less than ideal world

The distraction and opportunity of being a slave to someone else’s schedule. Its 4:50 am. My dad is up and awake and humming and whistling. He is happy as a bedbug in a mattress. He is excited and cranked. We are taking a road trip to Tennessee to spend the whole day looking at antique cars. His agenda. At 4:50 am. 

I would rather be having a root canal. The whole structure of my day is wrecked. Up too early. Not enough sleep. No workout today (except patience. Is patience a muscle??)  No decent food. No development work. And on and on I could go, this is just the beginning of the list. I don’t even like antique cars very much.

But this isn’t about me. I agreed to go on this trip. You agreed to take that job, marry that person, choose those in-laws, have those children, live in that neighborhood, go to that college, study that degree, make that investment, fail to make that investment, take that posture, have that attitude, and live this life that you have largely chosen. This is also true for me. My dad is hopping and eager for this day trip! Its evident by how early we are up and how energized he is this morning. While the day will be mostly agonizing for me personally, its a dream for him. Why would I not agree to go?

We all make lots of decisions and even deciding to not make a decision is really a decision. We all agree to many things in our lives that are not necessarily our first choice. Ask any mother with a newborn, but we still made the decisions that brought us to this place and once the decision is made and things are in motion, all that you generally have left to work with are attitude and effort.

So how much effort are you gonna put toward make this as good as it can be, whatever it is? What’s your attitude gonna be? Are you going to be sullen and resentful all day because you are doing something less than your ideal day, or are you going to make this the best day that is can be given the parameters it already has? 

Go optimal. Give it your best effort and attitude.

Fuel to be your best self

For the last month I have been writing about distractions, and frankly I thought I would be done long before now. And I wanted to be done by now, because I have other things I want to write about! But there are yet more distractions and they are keeping me on this subject.

Stage or cycle of life can be a huge distraction and keep you from both your best self and your best work. I am closer to 60 years old than I am 50 years old and it is easy to see the shift in how people view me and my advanced years. Finished. Over. Done. Out to pasture. Retirement fodder.

Yet I am stronger than I have ever been. I am very healthy. Weigh the least I have ever weighed. Doing some of my best work ever. How the young people at the store see me and how I see myself is violently different. Some of my favorite Leadership thought-leaders wrote the bulk of their best work when they were even older than me. Why do you think I am writing this stuff every day?  I am practicing!

However, there are specialized distractions that come with each decade, and in the getting-older-decades, they have more than their fair share. When you are in your 20’s you are distracted by the overwhelm of possibilities and fear of making a major mistake. In the your 30’s you are distracted by establishing yourself, starting a family, and the growing burdens of responsibilities, etc etc right on through when you get to your 50’s. The greatest distraction so far in this decade has been the shear number of death’s that we have had to face. Parent’s, uncles, aunties, cousins, siblings, and friends. Today would be a perfect example of this distraction - planning to go to the funeral home this afternoon to see a neighbor who passed away, and then stopping off to see an uncle who has days to live. 

Stay focused, and use this dark and painful distraction and disruption of life as fuel to make every day matter and be your best self. Its not easy, but it is really important.

Foggy mornings

We are spending the weekend on the lake, at an AirB&B and this morning it was so foggy. The air temperature was so much higher than the water temperature, that there was a solid wall of airborne moisture surrounding the lake, the house, the woods, everywhere. And here in rural Virginia, I discovered that these country drivers don’t use their headlights at all in the fog. I almost hit a couple of them!

Fog. Fog is a terrible distraction. This morning was so foggy. It obscured everything. It made my morning bicycle ride down right dangerous. It makes it so difficult to see clearly. It requires warning lights. Flashing lights are barely enough! My biking glasses completely fogged up and I had to ride without them. The moisture was so heavy in the air that helmet become completely wet on the outside and was dripping water in my eyes! My clothes were soaked with air moisture. It was a wet thick heavy distracting dangerous ride. My probability of getting killed or hit and injured was likely 10 times higher than normal, and its pretty high all the time.

All because of fog. All the same metaphors apply in leadership and development. The fog is not moisture in the air, but rather obscure business dealings, problems, employee retention, the VUCA world, volatile currency markets, trade agreements, shifting markets, and unexpected consequences of executive decisions, staff changes, and generally an unlimited amount of other challenges can be your fog. 

Take precautions, all that you can that doesn’t require a debilitating amount of effort. Stay extra vigilant when things are foggy. Have a clear purpose and destination and let it drive you forward steady and carefully, but as my friend Dr Anderson says, “Go and make!”