Process of Mystery

Process of Mystery

Our annual "process of mystery" is in full swing, also known as the Federal Visa Process in the country we live in outside the USA. Even after 20 years (yes it has been that long!!) there is no signage, no designations on the doors, no instructions, no directions, just an entire floor of identical doors that lead to angry people who have no patience for anything or anyone disturbing their peace, even though without us (the customers) they would no longer have a job.

This is obscure and nearly impossible on purpose. It lays ALL the burden and responsibility for "figuring out the system" on those required to pursue a Visa, and thus leaves the people behind each door free to sit at their desks and find the smallest minutia and reason to "fail" the application. Even after 20 years of doing this and having professional assistance at every step of the process, we still had to return to the notary today for one additional stamp. (I think this was just a token command to just remind us of who has all the power here)

Yes every country has the right to create a process that it deems necessary and prudent to insure that the Visa process fulfills the values and expectations of said country. But having the most oblique process in the world doesn't make you a world class power, it makes you a bully. Unfortunately, they do this kind of stuff to their own citizens as well. Don't even get me started on the process of registering a car! The net result is not a better nor more efficient process (and yes I understand that such values aren't necessarily the goal in many places around the world), it is instead a mind-numbing waste of time, when we all could be producing something meaningful and important. At the very least list the requirements and process somewhere no matter how complex they may be, and the transparency along with understanding may make everyone's life more manageable. Ok rant over.

Living longer for sure, but better?

Today my wife and I had an interesting and long overdue introductory conversation about our new stage of life and what we are gonna do with it. I can start drawing Social Security in less than five years! We talked in a round about way (never really facing the truth of the failed health system here, no handicapped access here, no progressive care here, etc etc) what it would be like to continue living and working here in Macedonia. Then we talked about the wild cards - my dad, her health and our fragility as we get older - these are not the crisis that you can predict on a timetable, but at the same time you can be certain that they are much closer to your immediate future than they were last decade. We talked about the trade-offs of various decisions and in the end, stayed precariously right where we have been for the last five years or so, the decision to NOT make any decisions and therefore not close any potential doors nor conclude current highly valued activities.

This is pretty short-sighted of all of us, and probably foolish from a financial point of view, and definitely disastrous from a leadership point of view. As Joseph Coughlin of MIT said, "Over the past century, we’ve created the greatest gift in the history of humanity—thirty extra years of life—and we don’t know what to do with it!" And this is precisely where the decision to not decide is a catastrophic failure. 

I have been doing a fair bit of reading on this topic and it was fascinating to see our conversation today, exactly followed the line of those articles - that I don't mind getting older, as long as I have all the abilities/mobility/intellect/strength/resources that I have today. And that is where this entire conversation breaks down - because we won't. We will become evermore dependent on someone as we lose these currently held gifts, in our ongoing physical breakdowns. And then we die, which is nevermind not important, its the living part I am addressing! Eternity is in God's hands not ours.

But this extra 30 years of living, now that is a conversation worth having and facing and planning and doing. Life is longer for sure, but better?

What’s part of our “next”?

What's next?

The only constant seems to be change itself. I am fond of saying that I am living with the third version of my wife, and she is probably living with the fifth version of me. No one stays the same unless they are dead, and I am not yet. The person you married has gone through a number of revolutions since your wedding day. That is normal. That is to be expected and even admired.

Long story short, in my life, that means I keep leaving really great and perfect jobs, for the next challenge. The current one is what I am calling "13 doors" and if you are into real estate investing and understand your "freedom number" then that makes sense. Otherwise, you will just have to wait until I write that particular blog and clue you in. For those in the know, I am currently at five doors.

13 doors is keeping me on the edge of my seat. It's keeping me awake at night. These are probably good things. Everyone needs tension in their lives to make things interesting. I have no idea how my current and upcoming economic engines will integrate or how one may be accepted or rejected by the other. But they WILL intersect, only the when and how are yet to be determined. Again the only constant is change itself.  This is happening. Imagining that it is not, is a Grimm Fairytale.

In the quiet

There is not nearly enough quiet in my life. Practically everyone's experience in the modern world is the noise and hustle of busy. There is far too much bad news concentrated down into constant 20 second sound bites on the news channels. Communication has made so many things better, but it has also made a great number of things far worse. 

I can know what some maniac in New Zealand did to innocent people, moments after he accomplish his psychopathic deeds. This is not healthy nor good. This rips the fabric of our peace and lives in such a way that we are forced to participate even if as only observers. Knowledge can be powerfully good, and it also can overwhelm all the quiet and peace that could be present in our lives. 

As I get older, I understand that quiet is more and more important to my well-being. So this may not come as a surprise to to you, but I haven't willingly listened to the "news" since 2007. That is 12 years of far more peace and quiet in my life. I also discovered three years ago, that I am an introvert after all! This was a real shock as I had worked most of my life in a profession that demands a charismatic and highly extroverted public face - one that I had been faking for about 30 years. No wonder that I constantly felt drained and exhausted. The energy required to wear that mask all the time was enormous. 

Pretty much everyone that means something to me in my life, much prefers this real version of me, over the fake version that I publicly wore. Now I can easily give myself permission to say "no" and to stay out of the limelight and to have the quiet in my life that is necessary for me to thrive best. Americans have a huge affinity for extroverts and busy. But I don't have to be that way. I can choose quiet.

(A good primer on this subject is Susan Cain's book entitled "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that can't stop talking") 

Which stories to tell?

These last 2.5 years, I find myself spending far more time with my dad than I have in the last 40 plus years. This has been both wonderful and trying. Wonderful because we have had to forge a new relationship, since my brother and mother have both died and there are only the two of us. Trying, because the new dad I have discovered after 40 plus years never stops talking. It's not really a conversation, its mostly just a monologue that consists of every single thought that crosses his mind, unfiltered and largely unconnected to anything I (or anyone else) may say or any response given to his previous statements. 

Often (really often!) its the same set of repeated stories of his working days, with some repeating childhood memories thrown in there, and all the freshly polished memories that he can dredge up about the past. None of these stories are about the future. Granted, I too may well be feeling and experiencing and living this when I am 78 years old and don't believe that there is much of a future remaining.

But after 2.5 years of this, and after trying 15 different strategies to break through and have an actual conversation (which I admit, happens occasionally, but nowhere nearly often enough!) I have started to wonder what kinds of stories will I tell at this stage of life? Those pieces and experiences of my past that I value are so radically different than my dad's, it has really made me pause and think about this.

I have been to 50 countries and have lived in five. I am extremely well traveled and speak multiple languages. I have accomplished things few even dream about in the world that I grew up in and where my dad lives. But unlike my dad, I don't think my stories will be about my jobs, nor all the nuances that are a part of my work. Even if I told those stories, I think few people would understand them and especially not the significance of them. 

So I don't think I will detail all the jobs that I have had, cars or machines I have driven, nor how hard I worked, nor how the big people put me down. The stories that I think about are much more about the experiences I have had like visiting the temples at Angkor Wat, riding my bicycle across the entire United States, or the people who I had the privilege to challenge and lead, and the lives I intersected with in all these places.  It's about the people you changed, not which activities you did or didn't do or got credit for or denied along the way.