An early early Sunday morning at Starbucks, getting a legit coffee and hot breakfast (compared to the breakfast cereals I have had to eat these last seven weeks). Sitting in a soft chair, soaking up some atmosphere and peace before heading back to the biking group, and the pain of group dynamics. I had never realized how much of an introvert I can be . . . don't laugh, because it is a big enough adjustment without you laughing at me! And yes I have snickered about this quite a bit over the last month, as the realization has come to me.
Is it possible that I have been forced into a public persona that oozes charisma and energy and extrovertism and all that exhausting group leadership stuff all these years? Is it possible that this is what I thought a pastor/missionary/leader had to be? Is it possible that this is not very much me at all?? Whoa!!
Does anyone else find the effort to speak out loud, especially early in the morning, to be excruciating, almost beyond possibility? Do you find that not entering into every fight or conversation (ala Joe Callaway) to be freeing? Do you wish that there was a lot more silence and quiet in the world? Do you find you can impact and lead indirectly just as well, perhaps even better than from the front? Do you wish frequently that the idiots would shut up?
Then perhaps, maybe, perchance, your real face is something other than you have practiced for 50 years.
