Systems revamped!

I had a real embarrassment today, like I haven't had in years. I completely and totally forgot about a very important meeting. 15 minutes after I should have been there and on point, I get a phone call, and BAM instant awareness that I had majorly blown it!

Now that I have done as much damage control as I can exert today, I am sitting in a near empty cafe (because it is raining), drinking a mineral water, with a Nicaraguan and my mobile office, reviewing what happened and how it could have been prevented. It is like Peter Senge's seminal text The Fifth Discipline, came back to haunt me. Calm my racing heart! The very systems that I use to be as effective as any three other people, those very structures, my over-reliance on them, created a hole, and I fell into it.

This is a very important lesson, that I not grow weary of redundancy in my systems of execution, that I not  become casual about what I have allowed other people to place on my schedule, that I not let down my guard in the pursuit of excellence, that I always under-promise and over-deliver.

An ice cream free Sunday?

This time of the year is the, I-am-the-foreigner-and-I-know everything-you-need-to-learn-to-have-the-success-that-I-have-had, seminar time here in Eastern Europe. One after another! It is like they have a factory of these guys spitting them out our way! It is so frustrating, that a person from a completely different culture and language and history, believes/thinks/has convinced themselves, that if everyone does what I have done, the results will be the same.

This is not the Einstein equation of insanity where we are expecting different results by doing the same thing time and time again. This is Double Einstein equation of insanity where by doing certain actions in a totally and completely different environment, culture, language and country, and wanting and expecting the SAME results as you got in the first country when you did those certain actions! Doubly insane, perhaps even more so! This is like putting gasoline in a car and driving 600 miles, and then putting gasoline in a diesel car expecting to drive 600 miles, and you won't get even 6 miles! (This I know from very hard personal and expensive experience) This is like being in Northern Canada in the dead of winter and wearing very nice and wonderful Patagonia gear to stay warm, and then going to South East Asia the next week and trying to wear the same gear - you will die. This is like growing up under a constitutional Monarchy and then trying to enter into the ludicrous American political system of the electoral college. This is precisely like standing on a busy street corner in Russia trying to navigate the purchase of a house, while not speaking a word of Russian, with only Thai Baht for currency, and the lawyer across the table speaks only Siberian!

And on I could go, seriously. You have no idea how embarrassing it is to be an American living long-term abroad, and to have someone from your country come here and kill your credibility with ignorance and arrogance.  No amount of coaching can fix this, no amount of debriefing will help this significantly. It takes years of learning a language and a culture and a people, and LISTENING rather than teaching, of being humble, of understanding that the people you work with are your equals in every way that matters, that you have far more to learn than you will ever be able to teach.

The speaker yesterday gets up and says, "You have to make your churches seeker driven, user friendly, unchurched Joe sensitive. In our big huge church (ok he didn't actually say that part but it was implied) back in ole' America, a person gets greeted at least seven times. We start in the parking lot, where they get their first greeting, then the narthex", etc, etc ad naseum. Dude, we don't have parking lots at our churches. The vast majority of the people coming to church here don't even own a car! Why would you have a parking lot?!? And when you enter a church here, you shake hands with every.single.person!! Stick that in your "we greet every person seven times starting in the parking lot" pipe and smoke it! Do you sense that I am upset here? That is why you are reading this blog! You are one of the intelligentsia. 

America is event driven, time focused, and all about "creating community." Here we are relationally driven, everything IS community, there are no seekers, only the desperate. Take your socio-theology which has little to do with God, and much to do with Western Culture, and keep it to yourself. If you want to be missional (in the missionary sense, not the quasi-spiritual idea that everything is missions), and cross the oceans to learn. Cross the oceans to learn another language. Cross the oceans to learn another culture. Cross the oceans and learn some humility, and shed that ignorant arrogant coat from the West you are wearing in my country.

On second thought, just stay in America or wherever you came from! Thank God you don't speak Macedonian! You could do unspeakable damage with your ignorance and arrogance . . . and best of all we would not get to enjoy the translation mistakes :-). The speaker was most proud of the fact that his big huge church in America gives every guest a free ice cream sundae - and his proud point was translated, "every guest receives an ice cream free Sunday." 

 

Do it over?

It is Friday and the lesson of the week is, I am in charge of my schedule and I need to exercise that control. Otherwise I will overbook the week, and then spend all my time pissing and moaning about how busy I am and overtired I am. How counter-productive is that!

This is a lesson that I have to learn over and over again it seems, as I lower my guard and let slippage of my scheduling occur. It is a critical mistake on my part, and perhaps you find yourself doing the same thing? It is ever so easy to do, especially when trying to compress too much into too small a space.

We tell ourselves that we are leveraging the available time to maximize the results, but personally I just find this exhausts me, and marginalizes the potential value. I seem to be most susceptible to this negative phenomena when I am in a city for a short period of time, and when I have too many commitments to fit into that time. And I tend to do this when I have competing agenda's and work on either end of the trip - and then it spirals from there.

This is doubly negative when clients and work is shortchanged and nothing is as well accomplished as it would be under better planning. To have the discipline required to say "no" is the linchpin of decision making. If the work is important enough to do in the first place, then it certainly is worthy of having my best, and I (nor can you) can not produce the best work when under-resourced. Adequate time and energy to do it right the first time is the only way to do it right, and as John Wooden says, "If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have enough time to do it over?"

More on Expectations

You could easily look at the Shoulds and the Musts as the Obligations and the Commitments. There are some nuances here, but really it was more a widening of the understanding of the implications of what living with these understandings mean, more than anything else.

The nuances for me are something like this; Commitment is softer and fuller than Must. Softer in the sense that it can, but doesn't have to have undeniable urgency. It is more adult in how it feels and less hormonal or driven. Fuller in the sense that it involves my heart and my brain and my experience in more complete ways than Must does. However, it fails to have the irrefutable inevitability that Must incorporates. It doesn't have that, "this is my air and I need to breath" feel to it at all. Instead it is a "let's be a responsible adult human being" feel and vibe.

There are a few things that I want to feel Must about. There are far more things that I want to be committed to. Nor do I think we have to vilify Obligations and Shoulds. While I don't want them controlling my life, they often bring great gifts to the party and journey. Let's not throw them under the bus! Rather, let's place them in a proper thoughtful place in our lives, where we have plenty of freedom to say "no" and clarity about when they are harming us or helping us.

Which one learns?

I just spent four intensive days on the road, meeting with leaders from early in the mornings, until late into the evenings. These leaders cover most of the spectrum of leadership, from those young and just getting started, to those older than me and at the peak of their game. It was fascinating to listen and learn, which one of them best positioned themselves to learn more, get appropriate feedback and make progress.

Logic would say that the older more experienced leaders would be the top performers and also the one's who most actively sought appropriate feedback for assessment and for making some forward progress in their worlds. Did.not.happen. Those leaders with the largest responsibilities and longest and deepest reaches, largely failed to activate the feedback loops which could have supercharged their leadership. Those who were just getting started, were sponges, and took some very direct hits, in order to move forward.

I am generalizing, and there were some beautiful exceptions to these examples. Yet a humble learning posture was the key missing factor in those that had the most to gain. They are the ones most blind to the story that they are weaving, to the opportunities that are passing them by because of their biases and agendas, to their failure to learn and grow.

And what about me? What about you? Which group are we in, and how are we certain of that? You got it . . . because we are gonna be humble servant leaders who invite (perhaps insist!) that our feedback group/mentors/coaches/peers, tell us the truth of the matter, about which group we are REALLY in. The one who learns is the one who is able to humbly listen.

Be Big!

I had an early morning conversation that ran through the trials and difficulties of working for non-profits and missions abroad. One of the things my friend and I decided was the most negative in those worlds is the penny-pinching and the tight-fistedness of those cultures. One of the stories that I told my friend, was how missions and non-profits consistently try to lower the rents each year, how to pay the local hires for sub-standard wages, and generally are well known locally to be the most selfish and the people who pay the least wage for the most work.

What a bastardly way to be known! We shared stories about how our PREVIOUS parent group was always pushing us to live in smaller and smaller places, to cut corners on all things financial, to pay the least for the most value at all times. 

I don't know about you, but I do not want to live this way first of all, and second of all, I never want to be known for being such a money-grubber. I mean why would anyone ever want to follow the Savior of a group of people who live like they are on the edge of poverty and despair all the time, while being actually rich people in a poor country!?!? Why??

Well of course no one wants to follow such a Savior or such followers. My friend and I have long come to the conclusion that we want to be BIG people. Not the Wal-mart American variety, but rather the amazingly generous, the unwaveringly selfless, the indefatigably unselfish, the incredibly responsive . . . that kind of BIG. The success or lack of it that follows you, is probably related to this issue, no matter what field you are in. Be Big People!

Don't ever

If you are in the helping/coaching/guidance/perspective/development business as I am, one of the most difficult things to NOT do, is make decisions for people, or pressure them into a certain path. While you may find that you are far more objective and experienced and aware than your client may be, you still cannot do this for them.

If you do, you will find invariably, that you also become responsible for the success or failure of what you pushed them toward. Even if they only partially follow your directives, you still will (in their minds and in reality, truthfully) bear the burden of responsibility for future events and results (or lack of them). In other words, you have to provide clarity, ask questions to help them discern, paint verbal pictures of what the futures might hold, tell the story in effective ways, to help them see and decide their destination or next steps. You can only be non-directive, no matter how certain you may be in your conclusions of a matter.

It is their life. It is their future. It is their decision. You will never have the freedom to push too much or too hard for a certain path. If you can't restraint yourself from doing so, then you need to find a different career. You can freely say what you "think" will happen down each possible path, and you can describe what often happens when people chose or don't chose a particular course of action, but no one, no matter how wise and no matter how experienced can accurately calculate the human factor. It is the unknown wildcard. It is the beauty of this one wild beautiful life that we have been given, that we chose our paths and courses in life, and we have to live with the consequences, be they good or bad . . . and that perception too, is probably unknowable as well.

Expectations

I see that being back in Eastern Europe is not conducive to my blogging patterns in the same way as Asia has been. What is different? Expectations.

The Shoulds versus the Musts. The Shoulds are what other people think we ought to be doing. Musts are what we have to do, what we are compelled to do, what we are called to accomplish, they come from deep within our hearts and passions. Expectations that others have of me in Eastern Europe keep me on a different track and schedule than the Musts in my heart.

When the Musts are at the top of the work pyramid, life is simpler, there is more clarity, less clutter, less busy tasks, more satisfaction, more contentment, more certainty, less ambiguity, more "no's", less "yes's", more accomplishment of what matters and has meaning and significance for and to me. A big part of living a life that matters is moving toward a life of Musts rather than Shoulds. It is the heart of Essentialism, the art of diligently pursuing less but better. It is what I push myself and all my clients toward daily. It is THE key component of PTA - protecting the asset - me.

What is driving your actions today? Can you recalibrate and move toward the Musts? I have reset this day even though it is late in the afternoon, because I realized that I was doing good and important things, rather than the best and most valuable things. It is a subtle but critical difference.