Leadership has consequences

Leadership always has consequences. In my conversations with clients yesterday, this was never more evident. The current authority they find themselves under is mostly just bad management, under the guise of leadership. I have been there, drank the water, have the t-shirt, and never want to see that place ever again in my whole life! But what advice do you give folks locked into such a situation? When you are the one doing the advising, THAT type leadership also has consequences, big consequences!

All leadership must take into consideration the impact, scope and scale that said leadership inflicts on the lives of the people living and operating under it. In vocational leadership, it involves compensation, decades of preparation, high emotional involvement, and a persons livelihood and existence. These are high stakes indeed. It is infuriating to see how little thought and care are given to the people caught in these leadershipless actions, how little consideration is given to the sacrifice and service given to an organization, how quickly organizations can move to remove any one of us, when our perceived value is compromised. Life is way more complicated than a simple balance sheet.

“Christian” organizations are the worse, because of Whom we serve. It is demanded of us, a much higher standard of diligence and care and mercy and understanding and commitment to one another. But alas, Christian organizations seem to be the most ruthless, the quickest to pull the trigger in pulling the rug out from under people, the least Christ-like of all in the end. Cynical? Not really, because in my leadership development business, all my clients are Christ-followers, and most of them work for Christian parent organizations, and I see this happen over and over and over again.

When will anyone stand up and say, “enough” and live and build and continue a different organization!? I guess I have.

Laying our souls bare

Everyone eventually has a soul-baring event, moment, situation, crisis, need or end. There inevitably occurs a space in life, where someone is hurt and may die, is terminal, has Alzheimer's, cancer, lost a job, broken a law, facing consequences of bad decisions, financial disaster, a bad car accident, or maybe you are facing your own mortality. Some of us even PRACTICE soul-baring because we believe it to be good for the soul! Hopefully you have people in your life with which you can bare your soul.

I did this today … just talked to a missionary who works for another organization about the double loss of a parent with Alzheimer's, about betrayal in my parent organization, about my brother who is destroying himself with alcohol, about my wife who is in constant pain, about the way some of my clients are being trashed by their mission, about the lost people surrounding me, about my hopes and wishes for my children and grandchildren.

Granted, not all of this soul-baring is equal, but many of them are excruciatingly painfully emotional, and the rest can cause quite a bit of stress, angst and turmoil. These are matters of the soul. Left inside they soon start to smell like the meat in my in-laws deep freezer after the compressor burned out and it sat in there rotting for weeks. It is a smell you can never get out of the freezer! You have to throw away the freezer too! Don't let matters get that old and moldy, much less to the point of rotting. Let it out, bare your heart your soul …to someone. Let the refreshing cleansing begin.

And occasionally all of us should wear the other suit as well. We need to be the one that listens to others bare their souls. It can be very therapeutic and helpful for all involved. Most often my internal response is simply thankfulness, that I only have what I have to bear, and not what this poor soul who is sobbing has to bear. It is finally great practice at listening, which not only helps the one baring their soul to you, but helps you appreciate it when someone else does it for you. Everyone eventually gets here. Be ready.

NewYears Eve 2013

The city is exploding with fireworks, as its citizens celebrate the end of the old and the arrival of the new. Our last two children arrived earlier today, and so we have a full nest, and thus our hearts are celebratory as well. It is a meaningful and heart-filling way for us to go out with the old and to bring in the new.

We are overwhelmed with thankfulness of God's goodness to us, even though in many ways it was a very challenging year. We said goodbye to Brenda's mother this year, which is was an unexpected heartbreak, and the day after we had her burial, our first grandchild was born, which would have been mom's first great-grandchild. It was a bitter and sweet time, and fairly reflective of the year as a whole.

We reduced our footprint significantly again this year, as we did last year, and found creative ways to live wider and farther on less resources. Or said another way, we chose to live with less, and less amenities, so that we could be closer to family and siblings which are in the middle of very difficult and terminal circumstances. We are making decisions that require us to walk more, bicycle more, take more time to get from point A to B, yet saving significant dollars, so that we can spend more days with those we love the most and have the least time remaining. Another one of those bitter and sweet experiences.

Yet our reach and influence in work has never been larger, our life-changing and significant points of growth and impact never greater. So we are thankful that we get to do meaningful and important work, even while our difficulties in our family are at a stage that is less than fun or frivolous. Bitter and sweet riding the same wave again.

This has been a year of hard lessons and events, yet some of the best moments too. Our grand-daughter brings us so much joy, and we have gotten to see her and spend time with her more than we imagined we ever would. We miss mom and have a hole in our hearts in the place she had in our lives. Other parents are struggling desperately as are some of our siblings, and we live far far away and that adds another layer of difficulty to the whole process and life we live.

But time moves forward and does not stop for any one of us, nor does even pause or give us a moment to catch our breath. 2013 is passing away into the history books and 2014 looms before us. We will make choices each day how to live it, and that will shape the now and the tomorrows.

What could we change?

We went to the bike show. No matter what you hear to the contrary, bikes are totally in vogue! There were a thousand bikes in the show or ridden to the show. Modifications were only limited by someone's imagination or dream.

It is something to consider were we to apply the same creativity to our vocation, productivity and innovation. What could we develop? What value could we provide? What could we change? We are only limited by our imagination or dreams!

Christmas Eve

This is Christmas Eve.  What that means to people is different as people are different. When I was a kid, this was the most anticipated event of my entire year.  It was the anticipation that made it so incredibly rich and intense. Christmas Day itself, never topped the pure pleasure of Christmas Eve, it equaled it some years, but never exceeded it.

There is an important lesson in that for life in general. Anticipation is the great energizer, that which gives life the best texture, the deepest pleasure, the most richness, it is the great enhancer of life deep and full. The physical equivalent would be when you are at the pinnacle of conditioning, right before you run the marathon you have been training for for the last 10 months.  The spiritual equivalent would be when you heart is clean and your sins forgiven, the freshness of a new start, especially after really blowing it. Anticipation. It is Hope alive and well.

Anticipation is usually even better than whatever you are, …er, well, anticipating.  Not always, but usually. If I approach life overall this way, filled with anticipation of what can be, may be, could be, might happen, could occur, it is the ultimate what if. And that potential can set us free to be…

The best worst

Christmas is the worst best time of the year to travel. Travel at this time of year can create such amazing anticipation, and the deepest of worries. We can be together with our family again … probably, if we make too tight connections, if the fog lifts, if the plane is not delayed, if the snow storm misses us.

Yes Christmas is a really really bad weather time of the year to travel. In fact the Skopje Airport has only had one flight land the last three days. Of course I am winging my way exactly that direction … and no I don't know if I will finally get home tonight or not. I cannot control the fog blanketing the Balkan Peninsula, nor can I fly the plane, nor do I make any of these decisions. The only decision that I get to make, is the one that happens inside of me. To be bitter and complain about the stupid weather, or fully present in the moment of my life right now and maximize it, experience it for all it is, rather than what I had hoped it might be?

Probably I will eventually get home and the kids flights will eventually arrive and all that I hope for will probably happen. But this is the most important moment of my life, in fact the only one I have. Best be fully present here in this moment now.

Jealousy and perspective

Jealousy can take many forms. Usually we think of it in terms of relationships and rights. But the way that it disables most leaders is in the glass-half-empty variety.

This is a malaise where you can not seem to have any keen appreciation for what you have, but only feel the “lack” that you perceive or think that you are experiencing. I am having this problem myself lately. I can only think about how other people's jobs are so much more fulfilling or easier than mine.

Of course this is not accurate, but the feeling is persistent. How do you overcome feelings that persist, especially when you cognitively know that they are not real or correct? Well that is a great question and one worthy of an answer.

One method that I am attempting today is a change of location. This has the automatic effect of changing all the rules and thus the feelings. I am no less creative than ever, but the change of location helps tremendously to alleviate all the symptoms of uninspiration and the lack of creativity. It gives an immediate sense of new possibilities and potential and new vista's open up cognitively in a real and immediate way.

Perhaps we only need a change of seating to change our outlook? Perhaps we need far less than we think to open up a new way of seeing things? Perhaps we need only to change the seat we are sitting in to have a new understanding of what surrounds us and defines the possibilities of today? How might you apply this to what you are facing right now?

The way things used to be isn't better than they are now.

The last time we stayed here in Ohrid our kids were small and we had a great time together. Now the kids are grown and one of them has even produce the darling child in the picture above. So this round, we are at Ohrid with one of our kids and our grandchild! There are marked differences in the two trips, but one is not better than the other, they are just different, and both are enjoyable. Of course Peanut (pictured above) is so young that she can't enjoy the lake and the food and the ambiance of a resort town. On the other hand, she is alot easier to satisfy than the 10, 8, and 6 year olds were.

The weirdness of time

Time is super weird.  Today as I was trying to get to the airport and was delayed at every point, time seemed to fly.  Then when I finally got to the airport for an International flight but the flight was not listed on any of the boards, time seem to surge forward ever faster and faster.  Would I make it to the gate in time? What if I had to switch concourses again?  What if I had to go all the way back to the rental car facility and start over??!!

This was real and urgent, though I can't explain it in a cogent fashion.  Thankfully there was a great article today about time management, and how it is really consciousness management and you can read that whole article here, "The Paradox of Doing More" by Faisal Hoque and Drake Baer.

By the way, it only took 36 minutes from rental car return to departure gate in the real world . . . but I swear to God it felt like almost three hours and I would have bet a $1000 that it really was.  Poor consciousness management.

Changes and losses?

There are few days more frustrating than one which starts at 2:40 AM with a mad rush to the airport to catch an EARLY morning flight . . . only to be bumped because the flight is overbooked and Austrian Airways, in a huge gaff, sent down a smaller plane on a day when the outgoing was overbooked!  So after I have three new flights assigned to me, I then cool my heels for two hours waiting for a flight to leave, when I could have been sleeping!!

Made the super short connection in Zagreb, and even chugged down a cappuccino, although that made me the last person on the flight to Frankfort.  After one of the most thorough and invasive security checks I have ever experienced (and that is saying something!!) I race to my gate, although I don't even have a boarding pass for the third leg of the flight.  If you have ever been to Frankfort, you know what a HUGE airport it is, and it takes far too long to get anywhere there.  I had less than a hour, change of terminals, no boarding pass, and the security-of-invasive-hell stopping me.  But I made the flight - last person on the plane twice in a row!

But the disappointing news was when the guy, with a hair-sticking-straight-up-into-the-air gel mohawk, was printing me a boarding pass, he informed me that they had already lost track of my checked bag.  

The funniest thing of all is that, I arrived at my destination 2.5 hours earlier than I would had I been able to keep my original flights!!  Isn't that just like life?  Crap happens, and everything gets changed around, you get all stressed out about what you cannot not possibly change, only to find out in the end, that what happened to you, carried a great gift. On the other hand, the bag arrived two days later.

The muscle team

This is a Sunday morning in Germany.  Berlin is absolutely one of my very favorite cities in the world and fortunately I get to enjoy the city regularly as my work brings me here often.  

As it is Sunday, church is a central part of my morning and focus.  But today I get to play a very special role.  Today I was part of the muscle on the venue team.  The venue team does all the heavy lifting and they get no up front time, no thanks, no public appreciation, no pats on the shoulder at the end of the service and hear "good sermon pastor." They get no kudos, encouragement, cheers, admiration nor many volunteers for that matter (for all of the above reasons and more).

But their work is essential for the good of the whole and regardless of how thankless a task it might be, church would simply not happen in its current form without them. So why am I, a person who has spoken here in this church in Berlin many times, and have spoke in far larger venues many times, working with the venue team as part of their muscle? What Matthew records Jesus saying is, "The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."

That does not play well in this world, but it sure does in the world that matters.

Thanksgiving

Thankfulness. It is super fitting that I posted the previous post on this day as well. Because thankfulness and contentment are very closely related. And perhaps after I complete this blog, I will write one on gratefulness, because that is the third part of the same wheel. But today is Thanksgiving Day, as in the official holiday.

Unfortunately it has been four long years since I got to enjoy an American Thanksgiving in America. It simply is not the same, in fact nothing at all like it, outside of the country. Today I am in Southeast Asia, and there is nothing special about this day here. No one is off from work, no one is preparing scrumptious food, no special events on TV (unless intense political unrest counts), and the consumeristic leanings of society at large are pretty much the same as they are on any other given day.

But I can be thankful, more thankful than I normally am - at which I think I have been steadily improving as I get older - I can be more intentionally grateful, and I can state those things for which I am specifically thankful. While I am intensely thankful for all the standard stuff and I do NOT take them for granted, my wife, my kids, my grand daughter, my son-in-law, my parents, my heritage, my Lord and all that His is to me, there are other things that I am thankful for. Call this the non-traditional-thankful-list.

I am thankful for work. I know I know, I am crazy, at least according to the thinking of the modern world, but work is important. Nothing is quite as satisfying as having important work and doing it well. I am thankful for warmth. The older I get, the higher this one moves up the list. I am thankful for the people who don't particularly like me - they challenge me to be/become someone they may eventually like. I am thankful for freedom, not only political freedom, but the freedom to travel, to chose, to decide, to create, to make the world a better place for everyone. I am thankful for beauty - and the older I get the more each moment takes on importance and beauty. And I am thankful for the internet, which allows me to talk/impact/coach/mentor the entire connected internetdom, to have locationless work, to have a reach that is mind boggling. I am thankful for the technology that allows me to leverage the connections I have across the world, which affords me a method to be in constant communication with my family which is always so spread out geographically. The combined paycheck of this paragraph is breathtaking.

And I am thankful.

I still haven't found what I am looking for ...

Few people find what they are looking for it seems.  No matter what they get (or you and I get in the end) in life, there seems to be a human trait that simply always yearns for that which I think I don't yet have.  Bono sang it precisely, " . . .  I still haven't found, what I am looking for . . . " And I would argue that he can't even tell you what it is, even when and if he thinks he got it. 

One of the key aspects of maturing trust in God is addressing this issue.  Contentment.  Few arrive at this point early enough to cherish it.  I think we should commit ourselves to pursuing, developing, and embracing contentment.  We are not discussing that weird idea that everything is perfect in the world, and that every desire I have ever entertained is now satisfied and sated.  Nor are we discussing the other side of this wrong understanding, where I stop striving and reaching for better competence in my work, or more understanding as I pursue God and love my family.

What we are discussing is an internal decision that "this" is "enough" for today.  A choosing to not want nor direct more resources toward me and mine.  One thing to be carefully considered in this internal decision is where you rest on the scales of "haves" and "have nots" and I can promise you, you sit higher than you think you do.  If you are reading this, then the masses of humanity have and use far less than you every day of their lives.

But the paradox is that the higher you sit on this scale the more you want of everything.

The mad dashes of a hurry up and wait life

Early morning flights are a stress-filled mix of mad dashes from point A to point B, with long stretches of waiting.  I have experienced 100's of such early morning flights.   I usually am surprised to find myself actually on the plane at last!

I think that most of life works in a very similar manner.  For instance, there are often 20-30 hours of waiting (and studying, and researching and thinking) for God to speak in sermon prep.  Then the mad dash of 25 minutes to gush it all out.  

There are many such key moments of activity in life, that pivot on the quality and character of the time spent waiting.  The waiting is the shaping, forming, development time for the mad dash of action, doing, accomplishing.

Non-romantic rides in the dark

Non-romantic rides in the dark.  I have been to Odessa four times now.  Odessa is famous in the former USSR as a premier vacation spot, as a place honeymooning couples frequent, as a romantic seaside resort.  

But trying to find a taxi at 5:00 am in the morning to get to the airport is not part of the advertising.

When you finally procure one, then you get the thrill of speeding through the dark city, dodging cars, potholes and dogs at the speed of terrifying.  Thank God there were so few other people on the road to dodge at this ungodly hour.  We ran every red light, exceeded every speed limit, and broke every known traffic law.  As always, I feel very very near to God in these situations.  Certain death always does that to me.

Then the driver tags on an additional 10% fee of extortion for the pleasure of his company. All in all just another non-romantic drive in the dark.

Back in the USSR

Recently I had a re-education.  Back in the  former USSR after a two year absence. Many things have changed, many things have stayed the same.  It is so BIG!  When living in one of the smallest countries in the world, or walking the crowded streets of Southeast Asia where the masses of people press in all the time, you can quickly forget that there are places in the world that have almost unlimited space.  

It gives a sense of peace, that is less related to the absence of conflict and more related to the fact that you can be alone very easily.  There is a profound sense of peace that comes from this wide open spread-out-BIG amount of space.  It feels simple, non-complex, straightforward . . . until you try to navigate the local transportation, or the police station or the state orphanage, or the bank.  Then you find a complexity that completely overwhelms you.  This is the "wall of bureaucracy  that every Slavic person in the former USSR fears and has deep pride in, all at the same time.

It just frustrates ex-pats.  Deep deep frustration.  Unimaginable frustration that only those who have survived it can grasp.  I have climbed that "wall" many times in the past . . . now I generally pay other people to navigate it.

Finally, there is the air.  I should have left my contacts at home.  I must have had to take them out 40 times in three days.  The dust in the air, the constant breeze blowing off of the Black Sea, yet dry as the desert . . . contact lens hell.  Ja, its good to be back, for a visit.,

What you lose

This is the document that I am working on while traveling down the road with Sasha, his wife and his grandson David.  We ran out of Russian to say to one another a long time ago . . . about 15 minutes into the 4 hour trip.  Obviously my Russian language skills are phenomenally rusty.  That is a huge understatement.  For someone who has taught at the university level in Russia, that is a painful statement.

It is proof that what you don't use, you lose.  As I said to my wife after two days of this frustration, it is amazing how much I can understand and how little I can say!  I am pretty sure this principle applies to other things in life too.  What you don't use, you lose. Your love. Your mercy. Your compassion. Your character.  Your thoughtfulness. Your passion. Your kindness. Your generosity. Your thinking. Your inspiration. Your understanding. Your appreciation. Your creativity.

Places few Christians are ever found ...

I have been doing informal research for years, poking my nose in places that few Christians are ever found, without compromising myself as a Christ-follower.  One of the most fascinating places is the smoking room/terrace/balcony/cafe/bar/ especially in and around airports.  It is the ultimate concentration of non-christian world travelers and a great representation of the world as a whole; although lately it seems to be leaning toward Asians and Eastern Europeans who apparently smoke more frequently as a whole, than the basic Westerners do.

The conversations that flow in these places is so different and so not-church oriented, as to seem like I have landed on a strange and unusual planet that has never had contact with the Christ-following world.  They talk about business, culture, politics, sex and life in a complete spiritual vacuum.  Everything is generally aimed at being humorous and clever when talking about these topics above, while being curiously transparent and honest when referring to the self in any way. I conclude from this that smokers as a group are very genuine when expressing their understandings about themselves and families, and very self-depreciating about cultural subjects in general.  They understand that they are not experts in all the issues at play and their positions reveal that while they have a position, they are not defined nor confined by their current understandings.

I would argue that we Christ-followers have much to learn about how to dialogue about ourselves and life in general from the culture at large, perhaps especially from this hyper-Christ-absent segment.  One of the things that I have begun monitoring is how people perceive me in these areas, versus the general Christ-following population.  Do people perceive me to be genuine and transparent, or do they perceive me to be self-righteous and judgmental?  Do they perceive me to be willing to enter into real dialogue about world issues or do they perceive me as believing myself to be right about all matters?

I think these are critical differences between the non-praying world and the praying world.  What would Jesus do indeed, and where might we find Him on a sunny afternoon in the Istanbul airport?

So sick

Every keystroke hurts.  Every muscle and joint hurts.  My ribs and abdominal muscles are in agony.  My head hurts so bad, thoughts are running along pain nerves.  All day in pain waiting for the next retch. It is horrible what a microscopic virus can do to your body and the manner in which it does it.  But there is great value in this, two specific lessons everyone needs to learn and keep uppermind as they stroll through life.

One is the fragility of life.  This one is more difficult for the young than those who are growing older or those who feel the full heavy weight of age.  When you are young, indestructible is the word that best fits the minds of this group. There is generally just so little pain as a part of their lives, that they almost have to generate it.  I once asked a Ph.D. psychologist why young people were cutting themselves?  She answered, "so that they know they are alive."  Different lessons are coming in the future decades of life for this group.  Stages that we have all gone through in one form or another.

Two is that no matter how healthy and strong you are, it only takes a small event (bug, virus, ecoli, muscle pull, back strain, car accident, etc) to bring you to a startling halt.  This one always surprises me because I am very fit and strong, especially for someone my age.  But one small event can bring the strongest of us to our knees and completely humble us..

I guess these two lessons are the different sides of the same coin, that we are all weaker than we suppose.  But I believe the converse is also true, that we are far stronger than we know, and it is these weakest moments which help me revel in the strong.

On a cool evening by the lake

In the USA, it is a holiday called Labor Day.  September 2, 2013 has morphed into a cool evening by lake Ohrid after a beautiful day of relaxing. With a ipad mini combined with a bluetooth keyboard and a wonderful slow burning cigar, it has turned into an evening with loads of inspiration and possibilities.  What I can create, write, think, build, connect, produce literally has few limitations.

It is not work, yet it is productive.  We sometimes call it vacation, a break, a holiday, a day off or a change of pace.  I call it wonderful and special.  It is a wonderful byproduct of where I live and what I get to do.  Hopefully it will inspire someone else to spread their wings and explore all the possibilities of their potential and context.  It is all part of a new way of thinking and being.

http://beforeitsnews.com/opinion/2013/09/the-thinking-habit-that-changed-my-life-2445848.html

Unplugged

There are few things in life as a complete change of pace, to re-energize everything you do.  You need and want to have this change of pace.  In fact, it should be the first thing you place on your annual calendar each year.  If you don't put it on the calendar then the chances are very very high that you will NOT get this change of pace that your psyche and your innovating brain cells so desperately need.

You say that you don't have time for vacation, or a change of pace or a break.  That you are entirely too busy to even seriously consider it.  Some of you would argue that such breaks are more work than staying hard at work.  Some of you would suggest that the grind of returning after such a break is more difficult than not going at all.

I would say to you that you cannot afford to not take this break.  The cost of NOT doing this is far higher than you can feel or see on a day to day basis.  There is a large body of research backing this up, and my own testing in this area is amazingly consistent.  The more breaks you factor into your work day and your annual work schedule the more creative, productive and innovative you can actually be hour after hour, day after day.  

Timothy Ferris first tweaked my brain about this some 7 years ago in his blockbuster, "The 4 Hour Work Week".  While I neither need nor want a 4 Hour Work Week, the productivity that can be achieved with the right balance of breaks and focused high intensity work, is consistently far more and far better than I produced in my two decades of 70 hour work weeks.  In fact I am aiming toward, and slowly reconstructing my work cycle to be: personal development for the first third of the work day, intense production in the second third of the day, and slow percolating of ideas and relationships in the final third of the day.  I am consistently amazed at the quality of what I can create now.

This requires (demands) regular unplugging - from the internet, email, phone, media, news, computer, ipad, keyboard, itunes, ipod and any other form of connectedness.  It demands moments of quiet, peace, deep breaths, and change of pace.  After your heart rate settles, your blood pressure falls, you can ask yourself, "What beautiful thing can I create or produce now" as you transition back to full intensity.  Unplug now.

http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/09/01/disruptions-more-connected-yet-more-alone/

(http://www.thedailymuse.com/lifestyle/help-i-cant-relax-6-smart-tips-to-beat-work-anxiety/)

The difference of being in charge

Last night was a total disaster.  Everything that could go wrong did.  Even worse than you can imagine, everything was completely horrible.  And it did not bother me too much at all.  Much to my colleagues surprise, I did not get upset, frustrated, bent out of shape, angry, or emotional.  While it was mildly irritating that so much could happen wrong (that was preventable), it did not affect me all that much.  I simply was relaxed and enjoyed each person and each moment.

What was the difference?  Only this; I was not responsible for the outcomes.  That changed everything.  Everything!  When you are responsible for the outcomes, when you have to answer for the results, when the buck stops with you, then the disaster unfolding around you takes on terrifying purportions. You can see all the potential failures lurking in every moment and event. You can feel the pressure building around you, and you know that certainty of premonition that comes to every catastrophe. Everything has gone horribly wrong.

But when you know that this is not your responsibility, that you face no penalty for this disaster, when no one can point at you and say, "you failed" then the pressure miraculously disappears.  What if we could learn to lead in a groove where we were responsible for the outcomes, yet had the maturity and grace and presence, where our real and actual feelings and reactions were as if we did not?  I am not there yet.

Only two??

I like international travel less and less, the more and more I do of it.  Today's (and yesterdays) travel was more of the same.  All three flights delayed, and while I am thrilled that they organized themselves to all be delayed like that, the stress was painful, and my back was in pain from those seats both in the aircraft and in the airports.  It is like a torture-specialist designed them all.

So on this last leg of the trip today (and yesterday), a curious thing happened.  As the plane was taking off (finally!) two rows in front of me, the three occupants in that row, had the oxygen masks from the compartment overhead, dropped down.  Yes I was surprised that they actually are there too!  Not only are they there, but they drop down just the way they do in the safety video you laboriously watch over and over and over.

But that is not the most curious thing.  Once we reached an altitude where the airline staff was allowed to get up and move about, they all immediately came to this row, two rows in front of me, and basically accused the three passengers of tampering with the system!  Of course they had not, it just dropped down about a 100 meters into the flight.  None of the flight attendants were able to get the oxygen masks back into the compartment.  Eventually they relocated all three of those folks to other seats, and the co-pilot himself came back and worked on this project for the whole flight . . . eventually duck taping the compartment closed.

But that was not the most curious thing.  The absolute most curious thing was . . . that there were only two masks.

Tiger balm is an oxymoron.

Tiger balm is an oxymoron.  Because if you used this stuff on a tiger, it would be anything but a balm, or a calm experience.  Tiger Balm is the Asian equivalent of icy hot (if you are under 50 years old) or Ben Gay (if you are older).  But here, these are all home-made remedies and vary greatly in quality and strength.

Three days ago I hurt my back.  And it wont quit hurting!  So I have been asking my massage therapist to put some Tiger Balm on my back as I am getting my muscles crunched.  The first two days were the seriously tepid variety of Tiger Balm.  I could barely tell she was using anything other than the oil, had it not been for the menthol smell.  Today though, we had an altogether different experience.

I could tell the moment she opened the little bottle that this was not the same stuff she had been using.  Just a few drops and it was like someone napalmed my back!  And then she rubbed it in hard!  And it just got hotter.  She eventually had to go wash her hands, because it was so hot for her!  Then she added a few more drops, and used the edge of a towel to spread it evenly.  I was sweating and melting!  But it was awesome for my back muscles because whatever had been tight was not now.  Then she added a few more drops for good measure.  I sure wish I had some with me right now in this airline seat!

Success is ...

According to David Kidder . . . (Success is) when you have discovered your innate gift or proprietary contribution to the world and you are spending all your time in that strength and almost none of your time in your area of weakness. (I got this tidbit from a Drake Baer blog)

I don't know many people who get to spend all of their time in this strength zone, and who have the freedom of avoiding working out of their weakness at least some of the time.  In fact most of my work revolves around challenging people to identify their "innate gift or proprietary contribution to the world" - what their best contribution can be, what value they can deliver, what they can best create, innovate or build.  Most people are so focused on paying the bills, that just stopping and asking themselves these questions is a huge challenge.

But just because it is tough, doesn't mean we can allow ourselves the luxury of failure here.  It is far too important, both to the world we live in that God created, and to our own sense of purpose and contribution.  I am getting there.  Hopefully I am helping you get there too.

The pressure cooker

I have been in the pressure-cooker recently for some leadership decisions with a client organization. One of their affiliates wants to leave and go to an organization that can provide them with the services, relationships and connections that they need. They failed to provide those things, so it is rational and logical to expect the affiliate to move to an organization which says it can. Now whether or not they actually can deliver those values, remains to be seen.

What I discovered from this recent event is, that my client simply does not believe that 1. they have failed to deliver these values, 2. they don't believe this second organization will be any better, and 3. they are angry with me for not giving them a chance “to talk the affiliates into staying.” Folks, when you have to talk people into staying with your organization, church or social network, you have already lost them.

Let me say this more brutally, if you provide them with the value they need, they will not look elsewhere. There simply is no reason to look elsewhere when I have what I need. Now of course there is some generalization here, but overall the principle is true. So instead of asking “how could we have provided what they needed?” or “if we could do it over again (because you are everyday) what would/could we do better to deliver the value that people need?” they start laying blame, yelling, being angry at the messenger. Seriously poor responses, which only go to blatantly show that yes, they do NOT deliver value for their dollar/investment/affiliates.

If you want to keep your talent, you have to provide them real and actual reasons to stay with you. Said another way, the onus is on the organization/group/club/church to be such an organization, that people WANT to work with you. Provide real value!

Rocks and hard places

Rocks and hard places are fairly negative places to get stuck between. They push and poke and hurt and bruise and if you hit them hard enough, break things. Two competing opportunities, two apparently equal paths to choose, two or three family pressures, a number of financial setbacks, a group of needs yet unmet, more commitments than you can meet, age and desire, wants and resources, needs and wishes - all can become hard places and rocks when they happen in tandem.

My sweet bride and I face this dilemma right now. She greatly prefers to live in Eastern Europe, while I greatly prefer living in Asia. A rock and a hard place. She wants (and has) location-specific work with face to face people involvement. I want (and have) work that I can do remotely and have a long reach across the world and can pinpoint specific projects and leaders and situations. A rock and a hard place. She is very accomplished in hard skills that make her unique in her working field. I have education and experience that makes me unique in my working field. A rock and a hard place.

So currently we are doing both/and and neither. I know, that sounds impossible, but we often accomplish that and more. But I am not sure it is sustainable because the rocks and the hard places are a damn sight tougher than our wills it seems. Having your cake and eating it too not only rarely happens, but its costly.

I am confident that you have faced a rock and a hard place situation(s), and am equally confident that you will face more in the future, just we have and will. A great deal of dialogue and compromise are required to navigate these rocks and hard places so that damage is minimal (or at least contained) and forward progress can be sustained.

Continuity and Action

Today has been one of those days, where I am more the student with a learning curve, than I am the leadership guru guy directing a meeting. Those are always the richest days!

The first lesson that I learned today is that action trumps qualifications and experience. Most of my life has been spent gaining qualifications and experience. and granted, I am good at what I do. But Jimmy and Megan taught me an important lesson today - action is superior to becoming overqualified to compensate for my occasional insecurities.

I met Jimmy last year, barely a Christian at all, freshly divorced, all at the tender age of 24! I was being called in as an emergency to head off a new disaster, he was planning to jump right into a second marriage! We had a number of good long talks and finally agreed that a slightly longer engagement than three months, (less than six months after his divorce) was a wise and prudent course of action. Of course there are a million other details here, but lets jump to the present in favor of saving some time. I met Mrs Jimmy, Megan, who is a sharp and sassy gal.

They are back in Asia, and have just signed a two year contract to teach at a school here in the heart of Asia. They would never meet the qualifications to work for my non-profit, The Leadership Development Group. Nor would they meet the basic qualification of any of the parent organizations that I have worked for in my adult life. But you know what, they just don't care. They have seen a need, and no matter how at risk they are as a couple, as Christians, as people - they have dove right in and committed themselves.

I know all the arguments, having made them myself many times, but there is something special about people of action. Action born not out of hard competencies or deep confidence or high qualifications. Action that is born out of a heart for the needy and the disadvantaged. We need more Jimmys and Megans in the world!

The second thing I learned today, is that a certain level of continuity is required to sustain significant relationships. I have written about Dunbar's number before, and that is a key factor related to HOW MANY relationships one can actually sustain. But the reality is, that if you don't keep a certain level of consistency and continuity going in a relationship, even if you haven't hit Dunbar's number yet, you still can't have a significant relationship with that person - the capacity may be present, but the effort hasn't been applied.

I had a meeting today with Adam. I like Adam. I see him 5-6 times a year. We enjoy one another. We have real potential to have a significant friendship that would benefit us both. But neither of us make the necessary effort between those times we see each other. The consequences of that failure is a stilted ineffective face to face time, where we meet more because we think we should, rather than out of any real synergy, connection or purpose. In fact Adam and I could quite possibly change this part of the world together — but we need to pay the price to make that happen.

Which brings us full circle to action again. What Adam and I need is more action together and more effort, in order to create something beautiful, innovate a high impact micro-enterprise, start a new ministry among the 20-somethings of Chiang Mai, change the world, or simply be better people because we listened to Nike in this case — just do it!

The center of things

The center of things is really important. Take for instance my back.  Its killing me! Every. Single. Movement. Hurts.  

Thats because the center of things, the spine right above your bottom, is the fulcrum of the body. No action can take place without involving that center of things.

Your heart.  It is another kind of center of things.  No devotion can happen.  No inspiration can occur.  The best and the hardest of life all pass through this center of things.  Most important here is your connection and relationship to the Living Savior

Your commitment. We are committed to many things, but not what we usually think we are committed to.  I see this all the time.  People tell me that they are committed to this or committed to that, but when I observe their daily actions, I see what they are really committed to, really.  This center of things is what I DO.  It is my daily actions that produce something.  All too often it can be all about me . . . regardless of what I SAY.

The value you provide.  This center of things is critical to my emotional wellbeing.  It is purpose.  It is making a difference. When we have meaningful work to accomplish and we do it well, there is nothing quite like it.  It can so be, a life well lived.  Not measured by longevity, but rather impact and significance.

The goal is to keep these centers healthy, unstrained, toned, exercised, in great shape, so that you can live a remarkable life, one of effortless and powerful purpose.

Saying no

Perhaps the most difficult thing in the whole world is saying no. There are a multitude of reasons this is true. For most people, it just seems so impolite and unaffirming, both of which are socially pricy and emotionally uncomfortable. For others it is societal pressure which keeps them from saying no. They don't feel like they actually can say no, perhaps because of WHO is asking them, maybe a boss, or maybe co-worker who has been helpful in the past, or maybe it is a family member who genuinely needs assistance (even if you are the wrong person to deliver that assistance).

For others it is difficult to say no because of the threat of lost opportunity. I am facing one of those situations myself right now. I have a great opportunity to expand my business. I could have 14 new clients just handed to me! Moreover, lots of leeway and discretion in how I would approach their development and the implementing of that development process with each of them. So on paper, in the abstract, it seems like I really need to scarf this gift up right away and not look too closely at the dental work, right?

Well maybe. It really IS an opportunity. An opportunity to become the irrefutable best at what I do. An opportunity to learn. An opportunity to be a star. An opportunity to sharpen my skills and systems and processes. An opportunity to expand our brand, and extend our reach. It truly is all of those things. But the tricky thing is that each opportunity in life has it's own price.

It seems that many of the leaders I work with have a very difficult time holding the “price” in their mental focus for the very necessary period of time, until, you feel the full weight of that price. Many are blinded so badly by the “opportunity” and all the potentials that it brings, that it appears nearly impossible for them to entertain the real and certain “price”. The price of my 14 new clients is that they are immature train wrecks in many ways - i.e. problems, challenges, high maintenance, etc, etc. The opportunities are not a sure bet, but the “price” is definite.

Saying no is difficult because of the seduction of scale over quality. Saying no is often impossible because of pressures, needs, wants, desires, wishes and the Santa Claus effect, that can only see the opportunity, and can never quite grasp, weigh, consider, think through and have great clarity about the price.

Heart stopping surprise

This morning started out normal enough. I got up and prepared myself for my morning bike ride. After stretching out and doing crunches, I was preparing to turn off the air conditioner before I went out for my ride. I had my finger on the off button, when the entire balcony lit up with tremendous arcs of electricity. The flash of electricity and the tremendous noise was overwhelming. Somehow I thought I had blown up my air conditioner compressor which was on my balcony. This blinding flash scared me so badly, I dropped the air conditioning remote. I shielded my eyes and covered my ears. I was certain my brand-new air conditioner had just exploded to Smitherins. Then the power went completely out on the entire block.

After recovering my wits a little bit, I realize that my air conditioner had not exploded. Instead one of the local transformers had melted down and arced tremendously. Needless to say everyone in the entire condominium was now awake whether they wanted to be or not.

The adrenaline jolt for me personally was a real shock to my system. For 30 seconds I was convinced that I had caused the entire explosion. But I had nothing to do with it. It only seemed that way because the proximity of my finger on the power off button of the air conditioning remote.  The synergy of that moment of touching the off button and the arcs of blinging electricity convinced me that I had "done it".  But I hadn't.

Now if I only knew what the lesson I should learn from this is . . . .

Even guys like me

Mondays. Since I don't work in a typical office nor on a typical schedule nor on typical hourly structures, Monday is usually just an abstract to me. Most weeks find me working on all seven days, so Monday is a non-issue. Nor is there a hump day nor a weekend. All in all I love it.

But occasionally a day happens that is totally Mondayish and it actually happens to be on a Monday even! Any day that finds me facing the temptation to use swear words in three languages before 8:00 am is not starting well. It is the rainy season in Asia, and that means … well it rains. Often. Frequently. Mostly several times a day. Occasionally all day. Amazingly it can be sunny and then 15 minutes later you can be in the middle of a 5 minute downpour (which just as well be a one hour downpour in terms of how soaking wet you get).

So when you go outside in the rainy season, you take especially made plastic bags with you to protect your phone from water damage. While you may have never heard of such a thing in the West, here in the subtropics you certainly have - they are a basic requirement of life. At the very least electronic life. Of course this morning on my way out to exercise, I forgot. No worries though, the sky was clear … until I reached the mountain.

Then the sprinkle started, and then the fog and heavy clouds rolled in, and then the rain started in earnest … the one and only morning I forgot my protection bag!! So I had to cut my workout short, and race back to shelter. Except of course, you can't race anywhere on a wet road and a bicycle. So in truth, I slowly desperately fought my way back to shelter, as fast as I dared. Thankfully, all electronics survived!

Finally get back to my room, get my soggy clothes off and hung up, including my soaked shoes, get a hot shower, gather some important letters that need to go out before I have to go to my morning meeting and start my work plans for the day in another city. So I am at the post office 5 minutes before it was scheduled to open at 10:00 am. My meeting was scheduled to start at 10:30 - 10:45. At 10:30, after waiting for 35 minutes, no postal worker has yet shown up to open the post office and so I raced off to my meeting.

I arrived on-time for my meeting, but the others were late! It is not even 11:00 am and as of yet nothing has gone well or as planned. It did not get any better throughout the day, including the elephant camp, the rain (again), the shopping with my guest, our dinner, etc, etc, etc, etc. Yes, sometimes Mondays even happen to guys like me. At least the writing is better than therapy.

Difficult decisions

As a leadership consultant and CEO, I have a number of pet concepts that have withstood the test of time. My number one concept is, “Under promise, over deliver.” You see plenty of that idea in many of my blogs. Another one, no less common unfortunately but far less inspiring is, “Someone has to be the adult.” My kids especially hate it when I pull that one out, but the leaders I work like it no more than the kids.

But it is oh so true. Everyone wants to be a leader, but almost no one wants to make leadership level decisions. Because they are always difficult decisions. Decisions that no one wants to make. Heck if they were easy, someone would have already made the decision! The non-leaders can be as reckless and immature as they want, but the leaders, they have to do the right thing for the right reason without any luxury of what he or she wants. Difficult decisions. Someone has to be the adult. If you are the leader, that would be you.

Maintenance moments?

Thank God for maintenance! Today was my 6000 kilometer service for my motorcycle. I needed what this brought, all apart from the oil and filter. 

The maintenance service forced me to sit, be still, and work. I needed it badly. Although it is not like I had been avoiding it or anything, just the busyness of the day, guests, schedules, urgency of the moment, email, demands, rain, distractions of the day, everything taking longer to accomplish than allotted, competing agendas and desires, etc, etc, simply derailed me completely from focused concentrated work.

Take advantage of those enforced times of maintenance, whether it is the Honda shop or the Midas muffler shop or a flight or road trip or waiting in line or any minutes where you are forced to be patient and wait - can serve as a great opportunity for an inspirational moment.

Making babies

What a satisfying day at "work".  I can't imagine that anyone has a job like mine.  Its a location-less job, with a long long reach.  Today I am physically in Chiang Mai Thailand in Southeast Asia.  The part of my work that was so satisfying today was in the Ukraine.

There in Ukraine are young Tolic and Sveta.  They are both very physically handicapped.  They both grew up in Ukrainian state orphanages.  Then they did the unimaginable - they got married!  And still, even though married, as all "graduates" from State orphanages do in the Slavic world, they were sent to the Old Folks Home when they turned 18 and by law must leave the orphanage.  The only other option they had was to go live in a State Psychiatric Hospital. 

As married couples usually do, they made a baby. The State terminated their pregnancy.  They got pregnant again, and this time they are fighting hard to keep this child.  (this pic is of Sveta at 7 months) We are moving them out of the old folks home, so that they can keep the baby.  But the logistics are daunting and overwhelming and there are just so many factors to consider.  But a new baby, a new creation of God, is certainly worth all the effort.

The trials of Mr Tsa

I can't believe how naive I am sometimes.  I mean, don't you just ASSUME that others will treat you like they want to be treated?  Don't YOU treat others the way you expect to be treated? Surely I can't be in the minority here!  But there is something amiss in my la-la land.

At first I thought it was just a wild anomaly.  While we were getting a foot massage the other evening, three girls, jumped up and run off without paying 3/4 of the way into their foot massage!  Girls!  Foreigners who obviously had enough thousands of dollars to get here in the first place, ripping off people who are not certain of having enough money to buy their one meal of the day.  The poorest of the poor.  I thought it was an anomaly.  I was wrong.

Today I was sitting on a tiny little stool in Mr Tsa bicycle shop, about four inches off the floor, watching Mr Tsa replace the spoke I had broken earlier in the morning.  Five brawny American and Aussie boys (20 somethings) returned with their rental bikes.  The bikes had clearly been in the mud and offroad, although their contract with Mr Tsa expressly forbid that.  These were the cheapest of the rentals, for city use only, costing a $1.65 per day.

Mr Tsa informed the boys that were going to have to pay extra, in order to have the bikes detailed again, so that he would be able to rent the bikes to the next customers.  They protested strongly against the $1.25 cleaning fee assessed against each bike.  In the conversation that followed, Mr Tsa informed me that if I had not been there, things might have gone very badly for him indeed.  He then proceeded to tell me of how many times rich foreigners regularly lied, cheated, damaged, abused and generally did not behave in any manner in which to inspire confidence in the human race, to him and his business over the years.  I asked him what percentage took advantage of him overall.  He replied, "about 50% good like you, and about 50% bad, or worse, like them."  I was ashamed for all Westerners who I see here, giving us all a bad name.  I think I probably have to do 10 righteous acts, to counter a single bad apple in the mix.

The biggest irony for me, is that these people ripping off the poorest in south east Asia are the Millennial's - the most justice minded generation ever.  Maybe they should start with a dose of simple human decency and compassion before they yell at the rest of us to save the world.

Warm steady breeze

How are you doing setting the ambience for your best work?  For me a warm steady breeze works best.  Warm because I don't want to be cold and steady because I don't want to get too hot.  A warm steady breeze in my workflow happens like this.

It blows between things.  Between other events and appointments throughout the day.  There is no happy hour of creating or innovating or thinking.  It doesn't happen every day between 4-6 pm.  It more often occurs after my session with my physiotherapist, before my scheduled meeting with my boss.  Between those things.  30 minutes here, an hour there, intentional for sure (i.e. steady), but between other stuff.

Its warm all the time.  There is always a back burner seeing the world through a particular set of eyes, that can draw a metaphor for life that is worth living.  Its always warm.  Its always on.  There is no effort to it,  It doesn't take a ton of energy nor attention.  Just a percolating slightly all the time. Its always warm and slowly cooking something good up.

And often, it is actually a warm steady breeze, for real.  Like at this very moment, my "office" is the rooftop of my building, and its about 3000 square ft, with a killer view, internet, can enjoy my cigar, and there is a constant perfect warm breeze blowing out of the south.  A moment to create and think and innovation and build and develop.  Its an accelerant for the mind and heart.  And about the time the cigar ends, I will have to go back to the scheduled and planned and have a conversation with the boss . . . but the warm steady breeze was a golden moment. 

Being THERE versus BEING there

Some jobs need you to be fully present, on location, there in the flesh.  That is the primary reason I stepped down recently as the pastor of the International Church in Skopje.  I needed to BE there, and I couldn't.  Other jobs require you to be fully present mentally and emotionally, but not physically. That is the job I have now.  People still need me to be present, but they need my attention, my focus, my experience, my skills . . . but they don't actually need me to BE there.

These different types of jobs (and there is a whole scale of jobs between these two extremes) are equally important, equally impactful, and equally difficult, just in completely different ways. Please hear me well, I am in no way diminishing the critical nature of being a Pastor, nor the difficulty of that job.  I should know, as I have held that job in one fashion or another for most of my adult life.

But the locationless job I have now is fascinating to me.  As my dear sweet wife pointed out to me, I am very particularly wired to do this and do it well.  My steady high scores and evaluations year after year, echo her belief.  I have accomplished some significant work this week in Ukraine, Czech Republic, Bulgaria, Macedonia, Cambodia, and Myanmar.  I have helped save babies, teach church planting, been invited to teach, assess, create and develop.  And all this and more, while physically being in Thailand the entire time.

So whether your value is created be BEING there or by being THERE, make sure you don't allow anything to stop you from being awesome.

You are being measured by metrics that you are not even aware of today.

The lady cooking my breakfast doesn't understand that speed or time is one of the most critical factors for Westerners. I can get a better breakfast far quicker at the neighboring store.  Why would I come back here? The desire for variety is often the only reason we even try a new place.  But you get measured by previous experiences.

Every church you visit has a very specific measuring tape.  You won't even know what that tape consist of until you have been there for a while. Trust me, they are taking your measure . . . just as you are taking theirs. 

Every job has metrics, and always only some of them are stated.  Your boss is the one who gets to interpret those metrics and while you may be exceeding all the stated evaluation points, you might not even rank on his/her understanding of those metrics. (I personally have had a number of uplines who use a variable measuring rod, and who interpreted the rules differently for each individual.  Impossible to succeed in such a situation.)

But you have choices.  If you are the business person trying to win my business or loyalty or return, you can query me to see how you did.  While the breakfast lady prompted this blog today, I honestly DID keep an open mind until I saw the breakfast and realized that it took less than three minutes to prepare, and I waited almost 15.  If you are the one searching for a new church or club group, you can stay, leave, or commit to change yourself or them or any combination of these options.  If the job is the focus, you can stay, change, grow, submit or leave, and once again, there are a number of combinations of these options depending on the situation.  But you do have options, let no one lead you to believe otherwise.

I took far too long in life to own up to this fact.  I stayed in a job with a certain company far too long.  And when circumstances finally forced me, forced me, to change and take the option that I could not contemplate previously, is when I was finally set free.  The scale and scope of my accomplishments since making the change, far exceed my previous production, in a third of the time.  Yes you are being measured by metrics you aren't even aware of, yet you have options and choices.

Extending your reach

I am really feeling the need to write these days.  Recently I opened my blogger account and what I discovered was a little disconcerting.  In 2006 and 2007, I posted a blog just about every other day.  But then came 2008 - only 16 for the whole year.  Then 2009 - only 3. Then 2010 - only 3. Then 2011 - only 1 Then 2012 - only 0.

Did I produce anything during those years?  Well actually I did.  But I got away from the discipline of systematically putting the work down in a place where it could be consumed, read, where it had the possibility of helping someone else, changing a life, building someone up, teaching an important concept or principle.  In reality blogging for someone like me - in a thinking job - is accountability.  A metric that can be seen and, well, measured.

Now I am using Evernote to track my touches with clients around the world, Feedly (at the moment but looking for something better) to research now that google reader is gone, Drafts for writing all content, because it is perfect on the mobile devices that I use, and I can then chose over 20 other actions with whatever I write, and back to blogger to publish the best content.  The challenge of a thinking job is that no one else but me will hold me accountable for producing something of value.  And we all need to bring value into the lives of others and into our work.  We all need to extend our reach.